It was around 2am… I haven’t slept… A lot of things running in my mind… One thing for sure… It’s all about memories… I was lying on my bed… Sometimes smile at myself… Sometimes, got angry of myself and asked myself why not I do something better… hmmmm… And then, I was checking all the picture in my handphone… Something was just missing… Her picture… BBCC… A feeli like to look back all our picture… But all those picture is inside my laptop… Was lazy to switch on my lappy… Slowly, I slept off…
Woke up at 1pm… My sweet friend woke me up… Her message woke me up… I slept so long… Hmmmm… It’s another boring day… Quite unusual day… It’s her I think about again… Hmmmm… I told myself to look at files later on… Then, I was quite busy… Quite a lot of things come up… So, for a while i had forgotten about her… I went for my first football in this semester break… I help my sisters in her studies… At around 1am(the next day), I lay down on my bed again and watched the very first harry potter movie… I was on my bed with my lappy… The movies finish around 3am++… Couldn’t sleep… She comes into my mind again… Hmmmm… I open the files again after so long I didn’t thought of opening it… I look through all those picture… It’s like it was once upon a time it happened in my life… I didn’t noe I recovered so much faster if compared to my first one… Quite happy for that… Olden day’s things just came back in my mind… A feeling of hatred all over in my heart… Especially when I thought of the first semester… And I learned about one thing that day… People remember only negative part of others… They never remember what has others helped us in those days… Humans… Another poor minded creature… well… I’m one of it… I can’t help it… After that, I open all those conversation that I saved in lappy … I still remember that I only saved few conversations that make me looked bad… I did that for purpose… Because I do not want to think bad about her or specifically I want to make myself look like bad guy… hahaha… Yea… I read back all those conversations… It’s like I do not know why I was so angry those days till I talked like to her… Hmmmm… I felt like I am a bad guy though… And today, I felt like apologize again… So, here I am to say sorry again… People’s heart changes… My heart is softening back… Thus, I’m sorry… And I saw one of our conversations…. It goes like this… “If one day I know I was wrong, I shall not or must not even think of going back”… That’s what I told…. Hmmmm… And now, I’m still with the same mind… I won’t even think of going back… There is no way I will wanna think of going back… This is what I chose... Even though I’m bad, this is what I want… And THAT’s IT!!!!
Black Sky
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
4th semester break^^
It is semester break again… Physically everything seems normal… It’s fourth times I brought my exam slip inside exam hall and do finish the damn paper to ensure I achieve my freedom… Ooops… It is boredom… Hmmmm… A lot of things had happened… Everything changes… Yeah of course!!! Things changes as human changes… But the abnormal things are it is a 3 month drastic changes… hmmmm… guess things have to just be like that… one thing for sure… I cannot describe anything about my feeling… It’s also undergoing a drastic change… Every moment, it gives different feeling… There was none of the day that I can be happy the all day… Something sure comes up… I was lying to my friends and most importantly myself… Well!! I can’t help myself… Even now, I’m having a headache… I do not know what to write but I got a lot of things to be expressed out… hmmmm…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
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