Basically i do not where to start again... Blogs giving me pressure... Hmmmm.. Lots of blog to write... but no time to write... Im writing this because i need to today...
Basically it's about what happen today... I dunno that you went through so much... Im waiting for this day.. Where i noe that im doing wrong... The whole things will be better if you did not cry when you talk to me...
Hmmmm... I do not know what else to say... Just as you say, no one gave you a choice... You got no way to go, no other way to breath, you r blur of what you should do, and you seriously do not know what else to do ady... hmmmmm...
When you say it, i get damn sad... I tot i helped you those days... Now only i know everything is upside down... Hmmmm... I do not wish to say sorry ... It's meaningless for this situation... But thats the most i think i can do... Haiz... It's been meaningful day... I hope whatever you say was abit earlier... Now, we are like at the end of everything... hmmmmm...
But i still couldn't understand... Y after everything only then you will tell... You could have stop me... And not purposely i said dont want to go... I did not purposely act like i dunno... I did not... I do not know what else to say le... I wan to talk to someone about this again... A feel like i did some big wrong... Haiz...
Everything is like a big turn now.. Hmmmm... Just very speechless... I was responsible for that tears again... Btw, next tuesday, i promise others for my presentations and i got notes stuff to do ya... Just dunno how to explain again... DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^
I JUST DO NOT KNOW.... N STILL I DIDN'T KNOW I'M BEHIND IT....
Black Sky
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
4th week of 5th semester…
Do you know what happen if there are lots and tons of misunderstanding in life??? It brings you down to the hell... That’s what I’m going through now… First four weeks, it’s extremely tough for me… I cannot handle everything by myself… feel like cry out loud… feel like shout out loud... feel like go back home and sleep… feel like let go everything and ran away again… feel very regretted… What I was happy for is what I’m regretting or depress so much now… It’s so damn cool ryte… AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FFIIIISSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! F!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please… I cannot anymore…
I do not know where to start… hmmmmm…
Last semester I had a drastic change in my feelings… This few weeks I got drastic changes in my life… Ppooofff!!! Everything changed… Everything… Hmmmm… First was my assignment group… I hope only few subjects I would want to join other group so that I can know more about other people in my class… End up, I’m totally out of my usual team… It was quite a mess when it happens!! I was seriously pissed… Being so long in one class could not even give and take in important situation… It’s so damn dumb!!!! It was seriously sad not only because I’m out of my team only but also for my fellow friends… Now, I’m out of my usual team, I’m one step away from the three that I always admire… Hmmm… Haiz… Speechless… I don’t like this… I got to start all over again… Hmmmm… Now, I got to be with different peoples… hmmm…
Next was my camp… I was extremely excited that because this is my event… We went to Dusun Eco Resort… I never believe that I and my team actually did it… It’s like the first event in my entire life… I know I need a lot of people to teach me this and that… All around me possibly can give good encouragement… But end of everything, I just feel it would be better if I’m on my own… Everyone around me was so much better than me in experience… So damn better than me… Hmmm… But…. Haiz… I know one thing before I go… I’m alone… all alone… Hmmmm… In the camp as well, I was so damn pissed… I can’t do anything... I felt energyless… Pointless… Especially my dearest WL… Do not know what else to do ady… I wanted enjoy to the max… It comes once in my life time… There is no more first time ady… This first time was ruined again… I ruined myself in front of all my besties… It was second fall of this semester… Hmmmm… Two times… Now, it’s done… I hope I can do it all over again… Just seriously, I want to do it all over again... Please… I hope the god hears me… hmmmm…
This two main event has brought down me a lot this semester… Then, CF… I do not what’s the problem between us… Maybe because I talked too much??? Who knows…? I do not know how to tell ady… Please do mind… I’m a human… Everything you said disturb my mind a lot… I do not know what else to tell ady… You are my third fall of this semester… Hmmm… I’m speechless about you… Just hope you doing good… I do not know what the problem is… N I do not know it is problem or not at first of everything… Just, you are my third fall…
Here comes my greatest fall… My dearest WL!!! Oooi!!!!!!!!!!! What happen to you??? You acted seriously damn weird.. Especially this fourth week… a lot of thing I already tell you… I tot you understand everything that I told you… and I was so glad… a felt like I can depend on someone… A felt like my burden was becoming less… but… but……. I din know that whatever you understand is totally different… I waited this Tuesday like I wanted to see what you want to do… But you know what, you are 360 degree away from what I tot you will do… You became someone that I can’t depend on… I can’t talk to you… Your ego still with you... Mine as well… Hmmmm… What the… Hmmmmm… fourth week, my burden all doubled… My worries doubled… my sadness tripled… I become more and more depressed!!! I do not know what to tell ady… Im dying inside… haiz… Im speechless… let me answer your question first… You wanted to know what is difference if whatever you told on Tuesday will be if you tell it out on Sunday right? Hmmmm… Everything is already explained up there ady… I tot you understand everything and you are alright with everything and you agree with my opinion… I do not want you to change fully without understand my meaning properly… That one message is ruining me and you now… Yeah… You did everything… correct... You are good… Can I ask you one thing?? Where is our friendship now?? There is none of it… WL... Please… I know you are very depressed… Everything about you is so damn sad… Hmmmm… Haiz… I don’t like…. I don’t like your blog or whatever message… I don’t like… Act like normal first… That’s the important part.. You are determinant of everything about me and you all… Just decide it… I’m in or I’m out… Haiz… I know how you feel… you can’t run away from me… I DON’T WANT you be sad because of me… DON’T WANT ah… Hey… I want to talk to you… I want you to understand.. Please!!!!! I can’t write anymore… I cannot write anymore ady… I’m superbly sad… Dun worry it’s not because of you… It’s because I just lost myself… I’m drowning again.. Into a huge dark sea… The sea of tears… Trying to swim up and up…
For once, I wanted things to be good back… And that’s how all went wrong… I wanted to treat you all the same… I want to see you all happy… But everything upside down… I’m very sorry everyone… I’m too pissed… I got no time for myself since first week.. im very much in tension… I got so many things to do... I’m depressed… Under geramji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm…. Haiz… I dun like this… I just dun like myself anymore… Now, I just don’t like who I am… It’s no longer cool to be me… That’s all… Gonna stop writing… When I’m stop writing, you sit just beside me… It was total different than before… It’s not you.. It’s not me and this is not the world I wanted… It’s all gone… Everything in me just flew away… WL, now, there is one thing I’m very very worried of… If you want to help me.. Do this properly… Study for the next week test…I want to c you score flying colours… I want to c happiness in your face again.. As happy as before… as lovely as before… and last but not least… as my FRIEND as before…
I do not know where to start… hmmmmm…
Last semester I had a drastic change in my feelings… This few weeks I got drastic changes in my life… Ppooofff!!! Everything changed… Everything… Hmmmm… First was my assignment group… I hope only few subjects I would want to join other group so that I can know more about other people in my class… End up, I’m totally out of my usual team… It was quite a mess when it happens!! I was seriously pissed… Being so long in one class could not even give and take in important situation… It’s so damn dumb!!!! It was seriously sad not only because I’m out of my team only but also for my fellow friends… Now, I’m out of my usual team, I’m one step away from the three that I always admire… Hmmm… Haiz… Speechless… I don’t like this… I got to start all over again… Hmmmm… Now, I got to be with different peoples… hmmm…
Next was my camp… I was extremely excited that because this is my event… We went to Dusun Eco Resort… I never believe that I and my team actually did it… It’s like the first event in my entire life… I know I need a lot of people to teach me this and that… All around me possibly can give good encouragement… But end of everything, I just feel it would be better if I’m on my own… Everyone around me was so much better than me in experience… So damn better than me… Hmmm… But…. Haiz… I know one thing before I go… I’m alone… all alone… Hmmmm… In the camp as well, I was so damn pissed… I can’t do anything... I felt energyless… Pointless… Especially my dearest WL… Do not know what else to do ady… I wanted enjoy to the max… It comes once in my life time… There is no more first time ady… This first time was ruined again… I ruined myself in front of all my besties… It was second fall of this semester… Hmmmm… Two times… Now, it’s done… I hope I can do it all over again… Just seriously, I want to do it all over again... Please… I hope the god hears me… hmmmm…
This two main event has brought down me a lot this semester… Then, CF… I do not what’s the problem between us… Maybe because I talked too much??? Who knows…? I do not know how to tell ady… Please do mind… I’m a human… Everything you said disturb my mind a lot… I do not know what else to tell ady… You are my third fall of this semester… Hmmm… I’m speechless about you… Just hope you doing good… I do not know what the problem is… N I do not know it is problem or not at first of everything… Just, you are my third fall…
Here comes my greatest fall… My dearest WL!!! Oooi!!!!!!!!!!! What happen to you??? You acted seriously damn weird.. Especially this fourth week… a lot of thing I already tell you… I tot you understand everything that I told you… and I was so glad… a felt like I can depend on someone… A felt like my burden was becoming less… but… but……. I din know that whatever you understand is totally different… I waited this Tuesday like I wanted to see what you want to do… But you know what, you are 360 degree away from what I tot you will do… You became someone that I can’t depend on… I can’t talk to you… Your ego still with you... Mine as well… Hmmmm… What the… Hmmmmm… fourth week, my burden all doubled… My worries doubled… my sadness tripled… I become more and more depressed!!! I do not know what to tell ady… Im dying inside… haiz… Im speechless… let me answer your question first… You wanted to know what is difference if whatever you told on Tuesday will be if you tell it out on Sunday right? Hmmmm… Everything is already explained up there ady… I tot you understand everything and you are alright with everything and you agree with my opinion… I do not want you to change fully without understand my meaning properly… That one message is ruining me and you now… Yeah… You did everything… correct... You are good… Can I ask you one thing?? Where is our friendship now?? There is none of it… WL... Please… I know you are very depressed… Everything about you is so damn sad… Hmmmm… Haiz… I don’t like…. I don’t like your blog or whatever message… I don’t like… Act like normal first… That’s the important part.. You are determinant of everything about me and you all… Just decide it… I’m in or I’m out… Haiz… I know how you feel… you can’t run away from me… I DON’T WANT you be sad because of me… DON’T WANT ah… Hey… I want to talk to you… I want you to understand.. Please!!!!! I can’t write anymore… I cannot write anymore ady… I’m superbly sad… Dun worry it’s not because of you… It’s because I just lost myself… I’m drowning again.. Into a huge dark sea… The sea of tears… Trying to swim up and up…
For once, I wanted things to be good back… And that’s how all went wrong… I wanted to treat you all the same… I want to see you all happy… But everything upside down… I’m very sorry everyone… I’m too pissed… I got no time for myself since first week.. im very much in tension… I got so many things to do... I’m depressed… Under geramji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm…. Haiz… I dun like this… I just dun like myself anymore… Now, I just don’t like who I am… It’s no longer cool to be me… That’s all… Gonna stop writing… When I’m stop writing, you sit just beside me… It was total different than before… It’s not you.. It’s not me and this is not the world I wanted… It’s all gone… Everything in me just flew away… WL, now, there is one thing I’m very very worried of… If you want to help me.. Do this properly… Study for the next week test…I want to c you score flying colours… I want to c happiness in your face again.. As happy as before… as lovely as before… and last but not least… as my FRIEND as before…
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I’m a bad guy…(13/09/10)
It was around 2am… I haven’t slept… A lot of things running in my mind… One thing for sure… It’s all about memories… I was lying on my bed… Sometimes smile at myself… Sometimes, got angry of myself and asked myself why not I do something better… hmmmm… And then, I was checking all the picture in my handphone… Something was just missing… Her picture… BBCC… A feeli like to look back all our picture… But all those picture is inside my laptop… Was lazy to switch on my lappy… Slowly, I slept off…
Woke up at 1pm… My sweet friend woke me up… Her message woke me up… I slept so long… Hmmmm… It’s another boring day… Quite unusual day… It’s her I think about again… Hmmmm… I told myself to look at files later on… Then, I was quite busy… Quite a lot of things come up… So, for a while i had forgotten about her… I went for my first football in this semester break… I help my sisters in her studies… At around 1am(the next day), I lay down on my bed again and watched the very first harry potter movie… I was on my bed with my lappy… The movies finish around 3am++… Couldn’t sleep… She comes into my mind again… Hmmmm… I open the files again after so long I didn’t thought of opening it… I look through all those picture… It’s like it was once upon a time it happened in my life… I didn’t noe I recovered so much faster if compared to my first one… Quite happy for that… Olden day’s things just came back in my mind… A feeling of hatred all over in my heart… Especially when I thought of the first semester… And I learned about one thing that day… People remember only negative part of others… They never remember what has others helped us in those days… Humans… Another poor minded creature… well… I’m one of it… I can’t help it… After that, I open all those conversation that I saved in lappy … I still remember that I only saved few conversations that make me looked bad… I did that for purpose… Because I do not want to think bad about her or specifically I want to make myself look like bad guy… hahaha… Yea… I read back all those conversations… It’s like I do not know why I was so angry those days till I talked like to her… Hmmmm… I felt like I am a bad guy though… And today, I felt like apologize again… So, here I am to say sorry again… People’s heart changes… My heart is softening back… Thus, I’m sorry… And I saw one of our conversations…. It goes like this… “If one day I know I was wrong, I shall not or must not even think of going back”… That’s what I told…. Hmmmm… And now, I’m still with the same mind… I won’t even think of going back… There is no way I will wanna think of going back… This is what I chose... Even though I’m bad, this is what I want… And THAT’s IT!!!!
Woke up at 1pm… My sweet friend woke me up… Her message woke me up… I slept so long… Hmmmm… It’s another boring day… Quite unusual day… It’s her I think about again… Hmmmm… I told myself to look at files later on… Then, I was quite busy… Quite a lot of things come up… So, for a while i had forgotten about her… I went for my first football in this semester break… I help my sisters in her studies… At around 1am(the next day), I lay down on my bed again and watched the very first harry potter movie… I was on my bed with my lappy… The movies finish around 3am++… Couldn’t sleep… She comes into my mind again… Hmmmm… I open the files again after so long I didn’t thought of opening it… I look through all those picture… It’s like it was once upon a time it happened in my life… I didn’t noe I recovered so much faster if compared to my first one… Quite happy for that… Olden day’s things just came back in my mind… A feeling of hatred all over in my heart… Especially when I thought of the first semester… And I learned about one thing that day… People remember only negative part of others… They never remember what has others helped us in those days… Humans… Another poor minded creature… well… I’m one of it… I can’t help it… After that, I open all those conversation that I saved in lappy … I still remember that I only saved few conversations that make me looked bad… I did that for purpose… Because I do not want to think bad about her or specifically I want to make myself look like bad guy… hahaha… Yea… I read back all those conversations… It’s like I do not know why I was so angry those days till I talked like to her… Hmmmm… I felt like I am a bad guy though… And today, I felt like apologize again… So, here I am to say sorry again… People’s heart changes… My heart is softening back… Thus, I’m sorry… And I saw one of our conversations…. It goes like this… “If one day I know I was wrong, I shall not or must not even think of going back”… That’s what I told…. Hmmmm… And now, I’m still with the same mind… I won’t even think of going back… There is no way I will wanna think of going back… This is what I chose... Even though I’m bad, this is what I want… And THAT’s IT!!!!
4th semester break^^
It is semester break again… Physically everything seems normal… It’s fourth times I brought my exam slip inside exam hall and do finish the damn paper to ensure I achieve my freedom… Ooops… It is boredom… Hmmmm… A lot of things had happened… Everything changes… Yeah of course!!! Things changes as human changes… But the abnormal things are it is a 3 month drastic changes… hmmmm… guess things have to just be like that… one thing for sure… I cannot describe anything about my feeling… It’s also undergoing a drastic change… Every moment, it gives different feeling… There was none of the day that I can be happy the all day… Something sure comes up… I was lying to my friends and most importantly myself… Well!! I can’t help myself… Even now, I’m having a headache… I do not know what to write but I got a lot of things to be expressed out… hmmmm…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
WHY things have to be like this????(16/8/10)
A very very bad start for this week... Last Sunday and Saturday... I make up my mind that this week my ultimate is not that i have to revise my studies or i'm must finish my society thing but to make my sweet best friend to have some happy moments together especially this Thursday!!! But things always doesn't come our way... haiz...
On the first day itself... everything went wrong... Basically it's about the noob LRT service again... Aaaarrrggghhh! Lazy to talk about it... It was a total bad day... being ignored by the close ones... that day, after i reach my room something very bad happen... After a long bad day, i came into room... I put down my bag... I lie down on my bed... Just a moment before i lie down... The heart-shaped phone chain thing which was a present from her broke down and fall off to the ground... Oh my god!!!!!! I took care of the thing like my own baby.... That moment was superbly sad... I couldn't do anything... It was so sad... Haiz.... That moment i couldn't think of anything else except her... Things never been this worse ryte???? The heart fallen day... extremely sad...
To my dear friend... I do not know what to tell... Everything seems wrong today... I don't wanna argue about it... And HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks yea... For everything... I make me pissed... but only for that moment... After that, everything is alright... I just hope you will be OK and of cos help me on this Thursday ultimate goal...^^ OK??? Hehe... and help me in my studies yea... I need help on my MAF!!!!!!!!! Millions of thanks wouldn't be enough for you... hmmmmm.... But just thanks, my dear friend...^^
On the first day itself... everything went wrong... Basically it's about the noob LRT service again... Aaaarrrggghhh! Lazy to talk about it... It was a total bad day... being ignored by the close ones... that day, after i reach my room something very bad happen... After a long bad day, i came into room... I put down my bag... I lie down on my bed... Just a moment before i lie down... The heart-shaped phone chain thing which was a present from her broke down and fall off to the ground... Oh my god!!!!!! I took care of the thing like my own baby.... That moment was superbly sad... I couldn't do anything... It was so sad... Haiz.... That moment i couldn't think of anything else except her... Things never been this worse ryte???? The heart fallen day... extremely sad...
To my dear friend... I do not know what to tell... Everything seems wrong today... I don't wanna argue about it... And HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks yea... For everything... I make me pissed... but only for that moment... After that, everything is alright... I just hope you will be OK and of cos help me on this Thursday ultimate goal...^^ OK??? Hehe... and help me in my studies yea... I need help on my MAF!!!!!!!!! Millions of thanks wouldn't be enough for you... hmmmmm.... But just thanks, my dear friend...^^
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The day I ran away from problem!!
Hmmm… It’s been so weird… The whole day I wasn’t so good… I feel something bad… This more toward to my sixth sense… A lot of problems in my mind… I couldn’t get a way to settle down with my problems. It’s just a problem. I took it easy as usual… In a way it was cool… I kept on thinking about it that day… Nothing about BBCC…^^ Hmmmm… Out of a sudden, my dad called me asks me whether want to go back home not… it was abit unusual if I go back on that day… it was Tuesday… I used to go back on weekend… and I usually think a lot to go back… I did went back...
This was what happens when I start to think a lot… On the way back, I felt I’m like running away from the entire problem… My reason to go back was just to go back home to get a proper sleep… Noobnya!!! And the coolest part among all of it on the day was I couldn’t even get to sleep properly… Although I slept for quite a long hour(it was enough for me), my eyes simply was just too tired… Hmmm… My mom woke me up… She asked quite a lot of questions for why I came back and everything… Hmmmm… Mom, I do not how answer your entire question… I do love you all deep inside…^^
Come to my problem part…. I always don’t like to tell out my problems because I do not wish people to see I cannot handle my problem… at the same time, I can handle this entire problem… Everything is hjust because time…. Time is my biggest enemy for now… First, my studies… my assignment and studies… My accounts papers, tax, entrepreneurship, and finance!!! My time is just not enough for me to finish it up… second, society… My camp things… I’m like abit scared to let my friends to do it… It make worry when we didn’t get the reply from the camp management… Not enough time lor… I must finish it end of this month… AAAARGH!!!!! Third, Friendship… Not a very big problem… It’s just one of them out of so many friends of mine… Hope the way you think can make you feel ok… In my eyes, you are just a failure… And I’m superbly sad for how you are thinking… Good if you are okay! God bless you, friend!! And lastly, me!!! This few days, I’m like so blur in everything… Hmmmm… My test results weren’t as I expected… SXXT… I’m worried… at the same time, I’m not worried… Haiz… I do not know… But whatever it is… My problems will be solved… I will be okay… just fine… God bless me… Hmmm… Yeah… Forget to tell how I felt the whole day… I was very happy in the way of sad…^^
End of this post…~^^~
V(^@^)V
This was what happens when I start to think a lot… On the way back, I felt I’m like running away from the entire problem… My reason to go back was just to go back home to get a proper sleep… Noobnya!!! And the coolest part among all of it on the day was I couldn’t even get to sleep properly… Although I slept for quite a long hour(it was enough for me), my eyes simply was just too tired… Hmmm… My mom woke me up… She asked quite a lot of questions for why I came back and everything… Hmmmm… Mom, I do not how answer your entire question… I do love you all deep inside…^^
Come to my problem part…. I always don’t like to tell out my problems because I do not wish people to see I cannot handle my problem… at the same time, I can handle this entire problem… Everything is hjust because time…. Time is my biggest enemy for now… First, my studies… my assignment and studies… My accounts papers, tax, entrepreneurship, and finance!!! My time is just not enough for me to finish it up… second, society… My camp things… I’m like abit scared to let my friends to do it… It make worry when we didn’t get the reply from the camp management… Not enough time lor… I must finish it end of this month… AAAARGH!!!!! Third, Friendship… Not a very big problem… It’s just one of them out of so many friends of mine… Hope the way you think can make you feel ok… In my eyes, you are just a failure… And I’m superbly sad for how you are thinking… Good if you are okay! God bless you, friend!! And lastly, me!!! This few days, I’m like so blur in everything… Hmmmm… My test results weren’t as I expected… SXXT… I’m worried… at the same time, I’m not worried… Haiz… I do not know… But whatever it is… My problems will be solved… I will be okay… just fine… God bless me… Hmmm… Yeah… Forget to tell how I felt the whole day… I was very happy in the way of sad…^^
End of this post…~^^~
V(^@^)V
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Blur-ing moment of my life!! Decision time, Goldfish!!
Oh gosh… A simple thing that could get my life alive back… Couldn’t believe that I am so lovable…=.= I’m not going to do flashback of stories between us in this blog… It’s gonna be short and sweet…
I get to go back my beloved alma mater (secondary school) to attend prefect’s family day… This event actually does call back all the seniors to go back school and have some fun…^^ The whole event was superb… Everything was all perfect until I get a shocking message from my junior-Goldfish the next day… Oh my god… You made me speechless… And now itself, I do not know where to start…
Ooi, you made my day happy back... That is something for sure… At the same time, you make me feel so messed up… And I never had been this blur... Thank you… It’s something very new… I’m laughing at myself… I do not know how to explain here… Haha… Hey… I still can’t get why I am thinking about it so much… I’m asking my best friends about this thing… As in whether should or should not?
And somehow, this is my decision…. Goldfish… I do like you… I gonna do my best for you… And listen… I don’t want get a correct girl at the wrong time… You are a correct girl but I kinda feel like it’s wrong time… At the same time, I don’t want to lose you… I need to know how you feel right now… And then, we get to know each other more and better… The love has to be there… As I said before, the feelings have to be there… I need something more from you… Maybe we should go for some date together and learn about each other more… how if suddenly you don’t like me? Anything can happen… Read through my blog and you will understand why I say this… I want a long relation… I’m just scared to be committing in another relation… I know I could say a yes now itself to you… But what is the point if I don’t feel it? You get me? I want you to be straight to me… Tell me if anything… I want to know what you think… As I said, I do always respect girls’ decision… By the way you message me, you seem to be far more mature but I feel like you still underestimating the future… I want you think again for better… I am promising my best for you… And can you do that too? That’s all I want to know… I’m not telling time will make the decision but I’m telling we will be good in time… it's confidence... if you dun understand message me… ok?
Goldfish… The more I think about you, you could just get so much adorable… I do not understand why… I got to talk to you or atleast meet you… I could only hope things will get good between us… And seriously, you are different if I compare to both of the ex gf… It keeps me strong that I gonna love you more… And yeah!! I would be waiting for your final decision… It’s all on your words now… I promise to give my best… We need time… We do really need time… Are you ok with what I say? I would be waiting for your message after you read this… Do reply me… Thanks…
I get to go back my beloved alma mater (secondary school) to attend prefect’s family day… This event actually does call back all the seniors to go back school and have some fun…^^ The whole event was superb… Everything was all perfect until I get a shocking message from my junior-Goldfish the next day… Oh my god… You made me speechless… And now itself, I do not know where to start…
Ooi, you made my day happy back... That is something for sure… At the same time, you make me feel so messed up… And I never had been this blur... Thank you… It’s something very new… I’m laughing at myself… I do not know how to explain here… Haha… Hey… I still can’t get why I am thinking about it so much… I’m asking my best friends about this thing… As in whether should or should not?
And somehow, this is my decision…. Goldfish… I do like you… I gonna do my best for you… And listen… I don’t want get a correct girl at the wrong time… You are a correct girl but I kinda feel like it’s wrong time… At the same time, I don’t want to lose you… I need to know how you feel right now… And then, we get to know each other more and better… The love has to be there… As I said before, the feelings have to be there… I need something more from you… Maybe we should go for some date together and learn about each other more… how if suddenly you don’t like me? Anything can happen… Read through my blog and you will understand why I say this… I want a long relation… I’m just scared to be committing in another relation… I know I could say a yes now itself to you… But what is the point if I don’t feel it? You get me? I want you to be straight to me… Tell me if anything… I want to know what you think… As I said, I do always respect girls’ decision… By the way you message me, you seem to be far more mature but I feel like you still underestimating the future… I want you think again for better… I am promising my best for you… And can you do that too? That’s all I want to know… I’m not telling time will make the decision but I’m telling we will be good in time… it's confidence... if you dun understand message me… ok?
Goldfish… The more I think about you, you could just get so much adorable… I do not understand why… I got to talk to you or atleast meet you… I could only hope things will get good between us… And seriously, you are different if I compare to both of the ex gf… It keeps me strong that I gonna love you more… And yeah!! I would be waiting for your final decision… It’s all on your words now… I promise to give my best… We need time… We do really need time… Are you ok with what I say? I would be waiting for your message after you read this… Do reply me… Thanks…
Monday, June 21, 2010
Past few weeks (7th June-20thJune)
Woh! It’s been so long since the last time I blogged… Seriously been very busy… Haha… but somehow I love it man… Start from 7th June, we had a fundraising activity… It’s been so cool and of course it was a very successful event… Things were so normal that few days… Hardly saw BBCC… so, it was quite convincing… Neither was sad nor happy… My night time is filled with new juniors… They all are so fun to be with it… I love them all… We.ve been sleeping together, study together, bath together (different bathroom lar)… hehe… And then, world cup kick off on Friday… it was a mess on that day… I was in library till 8am… was studying… one of my junior suddenly calls me up and told me about the kick off… OMG… I rush back with one of my besties, XY to hostel and my clumsy juniors was still sleeping… I woke them up… straight rush to XXX restaurant… hehehe… Was a great kick off man!!! Oh yeah… Forgotten about one of my besties’ bf birthday… it was somewhere around Wednesday… she actually went up stage and sang a love song for her bf… Omg!!! It was damn super sweet… And when she came down from the stage, his bf actually hugged her and kissed her… Oh man!!! Super dupers sweet… wish I could get a gf like that… hehe… Stop dreaming, darkangel…^^
The next day, was ACCAconference… It was damn fun… get to meet new friends from different branch college… Play games together… and the best part was when I was chosen as group leader… I don’t want it though, but somehow have to… I always want to see how I actually am if I was a follower… I know I would screw it up… I am so happy that day…
The next day (Sunday~13th June), orphanage visitation day… Emotionful day… Morning itself, I got so damn pissed with the management team… Actually it was my society… Sorry, Fool… I got no choice… I just got damn pissed with you too… I still couldn’t understand what’s wrong with you… And since you are not even talking to me properly to me after I explain to you that I got pissed… But whatever lar… It seems like you are not that one wrong… I don’t understand this girl… Whatever lar… I’m sorry… It’s my fault… Hope you forgive me… haiz… And then, it was a quite important day on that night itself… It was the night where I have to do a table talk meeting with my three girls… I was so glad after that day… thanks to three of you girls…^^ And Fool, I hope we could be ok back…^^
Things were just so fine… Daytime, college and busy… Night time, busy with juniors… My days filled… Recently, I’m too close with XY… I do not know why… She fills my day… She helps me a lot… At the same time, I wish I could help her get through whatever things that she undergoing… I do not know how express my thanks to her… Millions of thanks wouldn’t be enough to thank her… Everyone says it’s hard to find one true friend… Haha… To everyone in this world!!! I found my true friend, people!!!
And then, BBCC again… I do not know why I have to meet her again… it’s not that I don’t like… it’s me getting extremely down… at where, I have to sing a sad song al over again… I see her as my friend… and that’s all… But why in the world, she has to bring this new guy to hostel everytime?? I know I shouldn’t be sad… But I cannot mar... Something in me has to die… Hey you, if you somehow read my blog again… I wish you could go for your date at different place where I would never see both of you k… Get LOST from my life, you tuuuuuuuuut!!! Get a life… (Sorry… I’m just so damn pissed, angry, sad, very sad… it means for no one… I’m shouting at myself)
Overally, I’m very happy with myself… But it’s another Sunday again… I’m at home writing this… It’s midnight… Everyone should be sleeping… And Sunday night is the night I couldn’t sleep properly… Probably because I’m in trauma again… Trauma of things that’s done… Hahaha… I know I can overcome this… I will do it… Hereby I’m darkangel showing my fullest gratitude towards these few people… the three girls especially XY whose being so nice to me and who understand me so much and who always do make me smile for them and they are the one who could make my heart to be happy… No wonder you girls are my number1… second to my new hostel team who I being lepak with… You guys are second people… Love you guys a lot… My kaur as fun to be with as always… Candy, unpredictable as always and the juniors… You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you all gonna make me say who the hell is BBCC when I have you all!!!!!!!!! Thanks buddies…
The next day, was ACCAconference… It was damn fun… get to meet new friends from different branch college… Play games together… and the best part was when I was chosen as group leader… I don’t want it though, but somehow have to… I always want to see how I actually am if I was a follower… I know I would screw it up… I am so happy that day…
The next day (Sunday~13th June), orphanage visitation day… Emotionful day… Morning itself, I got so damn pissed with the management team… Actually it was my society… Sorry, Fool… I got no choice… I just got damn pissed with you too… I still couldn’t understand what’s wrong with you… And since you are not even talking to me properly to me after I explain to you that I got pissed… But whatever lar… It seems like you are not that one wrong… I don’t understand this girl… Whatever lar… I’m sorry… It’s my fault… Hope you forgive me… haiz… And then, it was a quite important day on that night itself… It was the night where I have to do a table talk meeting with my three girls… I was so glad after that day… thanks to three of you girls…^^ And Fool, I hope we could be ok back…^^
Things were just so fine… Daytime, college and busy… Night time, busy with juniors… My days filled… Recently, I’m too close with XY… I do not know why… She fills my day… She helps me a lot… At the same time, I wish I could help her get through whatever things that she undergoing… I do not know how express my thanks to her… Millions of thanks wouldn’t be enough to thank her… Everyone says it’s hard to find one true friend… Haha… To everyone in this world!!! I found my true friend, people!!!
And then, BBCC again… I do not know why I have to meet her again… it’s not that I don’t like… it’s me getting extremely down… at where, I have to sing a sad song al over again… I see her as my friend… and that’s all… But why in the world, she has to bring this new guy to hostel everytime?? I know I shouldn’t be sad… But I cannot mar... Something in me has to die… Hey you, if you somehow read my blog again… I wish you could go for your date at different place where I would never see both of you k… Get LOST from my life, you tuuuuuuuuut!!! Get a life… (Sorry… I’m just so damn pissed, angry, sad, very sad… it means for no one… I’m shouting at myself)
Overally, I’m very happy with myself… But it’s another Sunday again… I’m at home writing this… It’s midnight… Everyone should be sleeping… And Sunday night is the night I couldn’t sleep properly… Probably because I’m in trauma again… Trauma of things that’s done… Hahaha… I know I can overcome this… I will do it… Hereby I’m darkangel showing my fullest gratitude towards these few people… the three girls especially XY whose being so nice to me and who understand me so much and who always do make me smile for them and they are the one who could make my heart to be happy… No wonder you girls are my number1… second to my new hostel team who I being lepak with… You guys are second people… Love you guys a lot… My kaur as fun to be with as always… Candy, unpredictable as always and the juniors… You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you all gonna make me say who the hell is BBCC when I have you all!!!!!!!!! Thanks buddies…
Monday, June 7, 2010
Q: Darkangel, how do you feel today? A: Happy and touched^^ (3th June)
The second day of interview… hehe… I woke up early in the morning and prepare to go college to interview my juniors as usual… As usual before I go college, I will check whether her car is there not… it was there… It was like a great start… haha… felt like quite boring to go college as well because my three besties went to work… haiz…
After finishing the first session of interview, I went to lecture… It was my only lecture of the day… And somehow it was like the microphone got problem… He can’t teach and class got cancelled… Went to eat with my friends… Hmmmm… Then, went to the second interview session… Had some great time interview the newbies and chatting with my friends as usual… the whole way it was like, I was so relax… No tension… Sometime, I do thought of her and felt happy and sad…^^hahaha… It was like nothing unusual things happened but it was some different feeling in me…
After the interview, I thought my day going to be boring again… on the way, I saw my juniors… We planned to go temple at night… one of juniors was actually want to join college football team… meantime, I and the other junior went to college cyber centre to use internet… I thought of reading one of my besties’s blog… She actually ignored me for the whole day on Tuesday… I can see she got problem and she is suffering with her problems… Hmmmm… I opened her blog and read… I felt so touched… The whole blog, she wrote for me to understand what happened… XY, please stop saying sorry also… I just hope to talk to you on Monday after you are back from work… I do not know why you care for me so much… You do things for me before I ask you to. Eventhough if you got problems, you will never forget my things... OMG!! Thanks!!! Haiz… it’s not enough to write down what you did… But this is from bottom of my heart, thank you a lot for taking care of me like this, XY… I really felt touched… I couldn’t describe how I felt this time either… Thank a lot for that RM3 coins and naruto…
After done surfing nets, we went back mandi then straight went to temple… It started to rain… We went to temple with the help of our umbrella…^^ It was like something new to me... AAaarrrgghh!!! I couldn’t explain those feeling again… hahaha… Highlight of the day was in temple… At temple, I met my kaur… She was there too with her another friend… Hmmm… After done praying, there was some bhajan song played by a group of boys… It was so nice to listen to that… Suddenly, there was an Illaiyaraja song playing in me…. Lol… Just kidding… I saw this girl… she came with her mom… Her mom was a chinese… That even why it makes me look… Hmmmm… not bad… She is pretty… lol… Hahaha… Okok… The whole way we was talking bout this girl… ok… Leave her and continue with our story… I, My kaur, her friend and those juniors around 7ppl all together including us, we went to have our dinner at wangsa…
After our dinner, I actually got to meet my three besties… They all were just got back from their work… Felt bad for not even to talk to them properly… Hahaha... Then, we walk all the way back from wangsa to hostel… The whole way, we had a fun time playing, singing and my kaur was kinda like dancing… lol… Damn fun… When we reach hostel, it was like around 11+pm… All was like looking at us and wonder why we’re in temple so long… hehehe… It was so fun by the way… After change our clothes and put my clothes in washing machine, I and one of junior actually went to meet kaur to get back my laptop… We were talking stories and chatting and making jokes till around 2pm…
I slept at around 3am after done hanging my shirts and after some small emergency… haha… The whole I will tell I was very happy… Sorry because I can’t explain my feeling well in this blog… It was a whole fun day… And as well as touched when think of XY… My hearts going to burst with the overflow thanka to you, XY…^^ Thanks to my juniors, my kaur, her friend (Candy), XY, and those who spend their time with me at the interview room...^^ Thanks all of you… I had a great day…^^
After finishing the first session of interview, I went to lecture… It was my only lecture of the day… And somehow it was like the microphone got problem… He can’t teach and class got cancelled… Went to eat with my friends… Hmmmm… Then, went to the second interview session… Had some great time interview the newbies and chatting with my friends as usual… the whole way it was like, I was so relax… No tension… Sometime, I do thought of her and felt happy and sad…^^hahaha… It was like nothing unusual things happened but it was some different feeling in me…
After the interview, I thought my day going to be boring again… on the way, I saw my juniors… We planned to go temple at night… one of juniors was actually want to join college football team… meantime, I and the other junior went to college cyber centre to use internet… I thought of reading one of my besties’s blog… She actually ignored me for the whole day on Tuesday… I can see she got problem and she is suffering with her problems… Hmmmm… I opened her blog and read… I felt so touched… The whole blog, she wrote for me to understand what happened… XY, please stop saying sorry also… I just hope to talk to you on Monday after you are back from work… I do not know why you care for me so much… You do things for me before I ask you to. Eventhough if you got problems, you will never forget my things... OMG!! Thanks!!! Haiz… it’s not enough to write down what you did… But this is from bottom of my heart, thank you a lot for taking care of me like this, XY… I really felt touched… I couldn’t describe how I felt this time either… Thank a lot for that RM3 coins and naruto…
After done surfing nets, we went back mandi then straight went to temple… It started to rain… We went to temple with the help of our umbrella…^^ It was like something new to me... AAaarrrgghh!!! I couldn’t explain those feeling again… hahaha… Highlight of the day was in temple… At temple, I met my kaur… She was there too with her another friend… Hmmm… After done praying, there was some bhajan song played by a group of boys… It was so nice to listen to that… Suddenly, there was an Illaiyaraja song playing in me…. Lol… Just kidding… I saw this girl… she came with her mom… Her mom was a chinese… That even why it makes me look… Hmmmm… not bad… She is pretty… lol… Hahaha… Okok… The whole way we was talking bout this girl… ok… Leave her and continue with our story… I, My kaur, her friend and those juniors around 7ppl all together including us, we went to have our dinner at wangsa…
After our dinner, I actually got to meet my three besties… They all were just got back from their work… Felt bad for not even to talk to them properly… Hahaha... Then, we walk all the way back from wangsa to hostel… The whole way, we had a fun time playing, singing and my kaur was kinda like dancing… lol… Damn fun… When we reach hostel, it was like around 11+pm… All was like looking at us and wonder why we’re in temple so long… hehehe… It was so fun by the way… After change our clothes and put my clothes in washing machine, I and one of junior actually went to meet kaur to get back my laptop… We were talking stories and chatting and making jokes till around 2pm…
I slept at around 3am after done hanging my shirts and after some small emergency… haha… The whole I will tell I was very happy… Sorry because I can’t explain my feeling well in this blog… It was a whole fun day… And as well as touched when think of XY… My hearts going to burst with the overflow thanka to you, XY…^^ Thanks to my juniors, my kaur, her friend (Candy), XY, and those who spend their time with me at the interview room...^^ Thanks all of you… I had a great day…^^
The remake of first semester!!!(2th June)
Nothing much to talk about. It’s all about my immature thinking and stupid anger but the whole way is just like the remake if my first semester of college life… I must try to endure… I know I can do this…
That, I just broke up with my first gf… And somehow, I get to know some rumours about her that she is with this guy… I got so damn pissed and went to find my friend to talk about it… She is my Kaur… I knew her at NS… So, I went to talk about her about this… It was like she can’t even be properly with one… then, what is the point she find a new one… That time I was just so pissed… Hmmmm… Still remember that is where I get to BBCC as well… Hahaha… the entrance of this monkey in my life…^^ She told me to move on and bla bla bla… (All those advice to those who broke up...lol…)
Wednesday(2th June)… I was on my way back from football… Even before I pass through that place, I got strong feeling that she will be with this guy… The new guy she is hanging out with… I never want to know anything about her… but ‘thanks’ to my friends... they will be actually like… Hey, darkangel… I saw BBCC there with a new guy… I saw them yesterday also… I saw her TBR with this guy… I saw her here and there with this guy… lol… Things that can make me feel sad as well as angry… Ok!! Come back to story… As I expected, she was there… And I was actually acted like an idiot and act like I didn’t even know her… Deep inside I was hoping she will atleast said a hello to me… Hmmmm… Nothing happen… She was just beside me with her friend and those guys… I walk as though don’t even know her at all!!! And this feeling seriously sucks!!! OMG… Can anyone answer why I am so dumb??? I enter the hostel and messaged her… I was hoping she will reply because it has been days since last she messaged properly… She replied this time… and haha… She said I wasn’t looking so she don’t want to disturb… lol… I saw her even before I reach that place… lol… this feeling sucks… But the whole it was my wrong… I was mood out after that… I messaged my kaur… I told her what happened… she asked me to move on and gave the same advice again… bla bla bla and bla… lol… It helps a lot… Thanks, Kaur…^^
On that evening, I actually saw her on her new Punjabi suit… the purple one… She was like promise to show me… I won’t forget the time when she actually wants to sew this shirt… OMG… She asked me for more than hundreds time whether she should sew this way or the other way…=.= haha… I was like want to see her with that dress so much also… hehe… Glad that I got the chance see her with that suit… She is still pretty as usual…^^ Keep it up… lol… She probably go temple with the guy that day or dunno what… Should be some occasion…
It was just the remake of my first semester… the difference now is that when I broke up with my first one, she actually did accompany me those sorrow night and listen to me and encourage me but there’s no one who can take over that place now… At the same time, I told myself… Time to forget the past… Time to move on, darkangel… I knew she is just friend with this guy… But something dies in me… Because I used to be that close with her… haha… but whatever lar… everything that happen got its own reason... I shouldn’t even care if she coupled up with this guy as well… It’s her life… And Darkangel, are you so damn free to think about others?? Mind your own business…^^
That, I just broke up with my first gf… And somehow, I get to know some rumours about her that she is with this guy… I got so damn pissed and went to find my friend to talk about it… She is my Kaur… I knew her at NS… So, I went to talk about her about this… It was like she can’t even be properly with one… then, what is the point she find a new one… That time I was just so pissed… Hmmmm… Still remember that is where I get to BBCC as well… Hahaha… the entrance of this monkey in my life…^^ She told me to move on and bla bla bla… (All those advice to those who broke up...lol…)
Wednesday(2th June)… I was on my way back from football… Even before I pass through that place, I got strong feeling that she will be with this guy… The new guy she is hanging out with… I never want to know anything about her… but ‘thanks’ to my friends... they will be actually like… Hey, darkangel… I saw BBCC there with a new guy… I saw them yesterday also… I saw her TBR with this guy… I saw her here and there with this guy… lol… Things that can make me feel sad as well as angry… Ok!! Come back to story… As I expected, she was there… And I was actually acted like an idiot and act like I didn’t even know her… Deep inside I was hoping she will atleast said a hello to me… Hmmmm… Nothing happen… She was just beside me with her friend and those guys… I walk as though don’t even know her at all!!! And this feeling seriously sucks!!! OMG… Can anyone answer why I am so dumb??? I enter the hostel and messaged her… I was hoping she will reply because it has been days since last she messaged properly… She replied this time… and haha… She said I wasn’t looking so she don’t want to disturb… lol… I saw her even before I reach that place… lol… this feeling sucks… But the whole it was my wrong… I was mood out after that… I messaged my kaur… I told her what happened… she asked me to move on and gave the same advice again… bla bla bla and bla… lol… It helps a lot… Thanks, Kaur…^^
On that evening, I actually saw her on her new Punjabi suit… the purple one… She was like promise to show me… I won’t forget the time when she actually wants to sew this shirt… OMG… She asked me for more than hundreds time whether she should sew this way or the other way…=.= haha… I was like want to see her with that dress so much also… hehe… Glad that I got the chance see her with that suit… She is still pretty as usual…^^ Keep it up… lol… She probably go temple with the guy that day or dunno what… Should be some occasion…
It was just the remake of my first semester… the difference now is that when I broke up with my first one, she actually did accompany me those sorrow night and listen to me and encourage me but there’s no one who can take over that place now… At the same time, I told myself… Time to forget the past… Time to move on, darkangel… I knew she is just friend with this guy… But something dies in me… Because I used to be that close with her… haha… but whatever lar… everything that happen got its own reason... I shouldn’t even care if she coupled up with this guy as well… It’s her life… And Darkangel, are you so damn free to think about others?? Mind your own business…^^
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I'm going to be real fine... Believe me for this time...
Hahaha...
I know this can be funny...
But things just done right...
WE talked on the phone yesterday...
I didn't know you was that cruel...
lol.. just kidding...
But things have to be like that right...
then, just leave it lar...
I know i wont get an answer from you..
maybe you sick of telling it...
And things just wont be fine...
But i let this go ady...
When i say im done, IM DONE...
I know about me...
That's it...
If you could read this...
I know you would be happy too...
Just dont let sadness controls your heart..
I got to fond things to do every night...
i don't know what...
But i've to try...
Hahahaha... This laugh again...
It remembers about me...
I have to learn more...
This is life...
I gotta change... Cuz this is life too...
Before it's too late...
I bring both my hand together
and sincerely
IM sorry, dear BBCC!!!
I'm going to be real fine...
Sometimes, i do realise...
I'm special...
I deserve something special...
I going to be real good...
Real Good!!!!!!!!!!!
I got this feeling...
Goodbye, life...
It's a whole new chapter of life...
A girl gone as a girlfriend and she will be my best friend as ever...^^
She will find this out soon...^^
Thank you, people beside me...
A new chapter with the same Darkangel...
but with a new heart...^^
And as a new person...^^
someone who is smart and handsome always...=P
I know this can be funny...
But things just done right...
WE talked on the phone yesterday...
I didn't know you was that cruel...
lol.. just kidding...
But things have to be like that right...
then, just leave it lar...
I know i wont get an answer from you..
maybe you sick of telling it...
And things just wont be fine...
But i let this go ady...
When i say im done, IM DONE...
I know about me...
That's it...
If you could read this...
I know you would be happy too...
Just dont let sadness controls your heart..
I got to fond things to do every night...
i don't know what...
But i've to try...
Hahahaha... This laugh again...
It remembers about me...
I have to learn more...
This is life...
I gotta change... Cuz this is life too...
Before it's too late...
I bring both my hand together
and sincerely
IM sorry, dear BBCC!!!
I'm going to be real fine...
Sometimes, i do realise...
I'm special...
I deserve something special...
I going to be real good...
Real Good!!!!!!!!!!!
I got this feeling...
Goodbye, life...
It's a whole new chapter of life...
A girl gone as a girlfriend and she will be my best friend as ever...^^
She will find this out soon...^^
Thank you, people beside me...
A new chapter with the same Darkangel...
but with a new heart...^^
And as a new person...^^
someone who is smart and handsome always...=P
Friday, May 28, 2010
It’s about you again, my past life…My love is mature love, What about yours??
I don’t know why… It’s been very new for me… I’m like an idiot all around hostel… My college life is so busy… After I’m back to hostel… I feel so empty… just so empty… like I lost my soul… I’m finding my soul back… Hmmm… Very hard to tell how I’m feeling… just so hard… I’m following the bunch of juniors… advising them, play with them and spend my night with them… But it’s not perfect yet rite?? Hey, I need you badly… Seriously, I need you be beside me all the time… As how we was… Hmmmm… Haiz… Wish I could turn all my time back… I’m sorry…
~ (hahaha… Why I have to write like this?? I do need her… But should I stop it?? Hahaha… how lar??? I can’t ignore my feeling)
I loved two girls before… I went all the way for them… I’m not doing this for fun… Why things are just like this?? Was me the wrong one huh??? I need an answer!!! Please… Can you tell me…? Especially you, BBCC… I don’t understand how you girls can do this… You will just love a guy… after that, you guys come and tell the guys that you all lost feeling?? How you all can just tell asthough nothing happen… And BBCC, you ignored the feeling… Because of this, I’m suffering almost every moment… Huh??? Can you explain everything for me??? I still can’t even lose whatever feeling that you gave me… what’s happening to this world?? If you said you lost your lovely bear or toy, it’s acceptable… If you said you lost a feeling, are you girls kidding?? How?? Tell me how!!! Can you all explain??? The answer is just like that... I lost my feelings lar… I want to study… Haiz… BBCC, I dun believe when you tell this to me… you told me people changes… hahaha… You deserve my slap!!!
Hmmmm… I went to temple, I can’t find my peace even at there… I kept thinking about you… Instead of praying for myself, I prayed atleast you own that peace… When I was on the way back from temple… I have to see things that I’m not supposed to see... Haiz… I do not know, why god has to test me like this?? I’m still under insomnia… Have to cry everyday and think of everything about us… Monday, I was telling my friend about my problem… I know you because of this friend… She told me to move on and everything… She understands me somehow… We was walking around the college hostel, you was jumping and playing around with your friends… Something in me dies… How come you can be so happy?? Maybe you were just like what my friend told… You already moved on… It’s just me still staying behind and hasn’t moved on… And that night, you messaged me… Hahaha… I do not know why… You were so good that night… You cared about my feelings… I feel like I can’t trust you no more… It’s just like you scared I would tell wrong things about you to her… haiz… Hey, BBCC… I don’t like you anymore… Why you have to be like this…?
I trusted you more than anyone else… I know you were clear about this too… I just feel so much regretted now… My roomie told me not to commit in relationship but I wasn’t listening… Because of a reason called I love you, I committed in this… It’s ok… When I thought of I’m still fighting with my brother just because of you, seriously, I felt ashamed!!! Haiz… But still I will be on your side and defend you because it’s my promise… Hey… I do understand one thing... It’s I loved you… And you were also but for 4days… lolx… I can’t stop laughing… It’s not love… It was a game time for you… You told me you were sincere for that four day… Hahaha… Good, BBCC… I like your sincerity there… And please don’t talk about the reason why we broke up ok?? It’s totally about you and immature love… But please don’t do this again in your life… It hurts a lot… Hurts damn a lot…
Maybe I deserve this… I take this as a punishment and a lesson to be learnt with a lot a lot of sweet memories… She is a bitter gourd coated with sugar… Feels nice and sweet initially… At last, it’s bitter… Perhaps I committed too much… All the punishment worth all my efforts, time and everything I gave her… I deserve this… I’m taking this very sadly… very very sadly… But after all I still have a question for myself…
“Why am I still loving her?!!!”(is it because i seriously don't know how to hide or ignore feelings...=(
~ (hahaha… Why I have to write like this?? I do need her… But should I stop it?? Hahaha… how lar??? I can’t ignore my feeling)
I loved two girls before… I went all the way for them… I’m not doing this for fun… Why things are just like this?? Was me the wrong one huh??? I need an answer!!! Please… Can you tell me…? Especially you, BBCC… I don’t understand how you girls can do this… You will just love a guy… after that, you guys come and tell the guys that you all lost feeling?? How you all can just tell asthough nothing happen… And BBCC, you ignored the feeling… Because of this, I’m suffering almost every moment… Huh??? Can you explain everything for me??? I still can’t even lose whatever feeling that you gave me… what’s happening to this world?? If you said you lost your lovely bear or toy, it’s acceptable… If you said you lost a feeling, are you girls kidding?? How?? Tell me how!!! Can you all explain??? The answer is just like that... I lost my feelings lar… I want to study… Haiz… BBCC, I dun believe when you tell this to me… you told me people changes… hahaha… You deserve my slap!!!
Hmmmm… I went to temple, I can’t find my peace even at there… I kept thinking about you… Instead of praying for myself, I prayed atleast you own that peace… When I was on the way back from temple… I have to see things that I’m not supposed to see... Haiz… I do not know, why god has to test me like this?? I’m still under insomnia… Have to cry everyday and think of everything about us… Monday, I was telling my friend about my problem… I know you because of this friend… She told me to move on and everything… She understands me somehow… We was walking around the college hostel, you was jumping and playing around with your friends… Something in me dies… How come you can be so happy?? Maybe you were just like what my friend told… You already moved on… It’s just me still staying behind and hasn’t moved on… And that night, you messaged me… Hahaha… I do not know why… You were so good that night… You cared about my feelings… I feel like I can’t trust you no more… It’s just like you scared I would tell wrong things about you to her… haiz… Hey, BBCC… I don’t like you anymore… Why you have to be like this…?
I trusted you more than anyone else… I know you were clear about this too… I just feel so much regretted now… My roomie told me not to commit in relationship but I wasn’t listening… Because of a reason called I love you, I committed in this… It’s ok… When I thought of I’m still fighting with my brother just because of you, seriously, I felt ashamed!!! Haiz… But still I will be on your side and defend you because it’s my promise… Hey… I do understand one thing... It’s I loved you… And you were also but for 4days… lolx… I can’t stop laughing… It’s not love… It was a game time for you… You told me you were sincere for that four day… Hahaha… Good, BBCC… I like your sincerity there… And please don’t talk about the reason why we broke up ok?? It’s totally about you and immature love… But please don’t do this again in your life… It hurts a lot… Hurts damn a lot…
Maybe I deserve this… I take this as a punishment and a lesson to be learnt with a lot a lot of sweet memories… She is a bitter gourd coated with sugar… Feels nice and sweet initially… At last, it’s bitter… Perhaps I committed too much… All the punishment worth all my efforts, time and everything I gave her… I deserve this… I’m taking this very sadly… very very sadly… But after all I still have a question for myself…
“Why am I still loving her?!!!”(is it because i seriously don't know how to hide or ignore feelings...=(
Second Year College Life…
What I’m going to talk about this time? Before everything, I’m very stress… Never been so stress… I know I can handle… All about college things… I’m not even recovering from everything… Still very sad… Very very very very very sad for what things done… I was hoping i will be busy… But then, I’m over busy… Without the help of my beloved cute course rep, Mr DPS, I’m suffering… Mr. DPS, please be back fast… I need you man… I’m getting crazy… Haiz…
Seriously was ver y sad and angry with my DAC groupA fellow friends because they acted just like some dumb people… Not everyone… I wish they know… I’m helping you guys… and why can’t you all just help yourself by come to lecture of your own time?? After that, you guys have to message and ask things that already been announced in the lecture?? Noobies!!! Who gonna pay my bills??? Get even more tension when have to explain samething all over again for more than 50times!!! Damn!!!
After that, my class pulak!!! For those who came out with save petrol plan… You guys are seriously smart… I admit… But I’m disappointed!!! You guys should have understood my situation even better than others!! You guys said sorry… Hmmm… Sorry guys… I’m still very disappointed… But how also... I love you guys a lot… I forgive you guys!!! Hehe…
Hmmmm… I realize few things this few weeks… about a ship call as friendship… I felt like I’m getting weak in whatever relationship… Is this because of my anger and everything??? I’m sorry for everything… Please don’t go away from me… Because you guys is the one I have… I need you guys more… I want you guys be my side and support me always… I’m sorry for everything… I know few of them will be reading my blog… I’m sorry k… Hope I’m apologized…
Entering 3rd week, I’m still very much in pressure… Hoping much my cute and handsome boy will back in college as fast as possible… I need him… And then, hope the pressure from students and lecturers will become less… And I got to think of my society things as well… Hope I can sort out all the lecture and tutorial notes…
Oh God!!!! I’m so happy when I’m finishing this blog… I’m so busy… I got things to think of in college… Pressure and stress!!! I love you guys.. Although I’m angry and everything… Thanks for filling up my college time…
Seriously was ver y sad and angry with my DAC groupA fellow friends because they acted just like some dumb people… Not everyone… I wish they know… I’m helping you guys… and why can’t you all just help yourself by come to lecture of your own time?? After that, you guys have to message and ask things that already been announced in the lecture?? Noobies!!! Who gonna pay my bills??? Get even more tension when have to explain samething all over again for more than 50times!!! Damn!!!
After that, my class pulak!!! For those who came out with save petrol plan… You guys are seriously smart… I admit… But I’m disappointed!!! You guys should have understood my situation even better than others!! You guys said sorry… Hmmm… Sorry guys… I’m still very disappointed… But how also... I love you guys a lot… I forgive you guys!!! Hehe…
Hmmmm… I realize few things this few weeks… about a ship call as friendship… I felt like I’m getting weak in whatever relationship… Is this because of my anger and everything??? I’m sorry for everything… Please don’t go away from me… Because you guys is the one I have… I need you guys more… I want you guys be my side and support me always… I’m sorry for everything… I know few of them will be reading my blog… I’m sorry k… Hope I’m apologized…
Entering 3rd week, I’m still very much in pressure… Hoping much my cute and handsome boy will back in college as fast as possible… I need him… And then, hope the pressure from students and lecturers will become less… And I got to think of my society things as well… Hope I can sort out all the lecture and tutorial notes…
Oh God!!!! I’m so happy when I’m finishing this blog… I’m so busy… I got things to think of in college… Pressure and stress!!! I love you guys.. Although I’m angry and everything… Thanks for filling up my college time…
Saturday, May 22, 2010
My 2nd year starts…Senior???Macam sama je…Have to be better~God Bless everyone...^^
Second year starts… My problem is never been about me… First and for all, BBCK… Come back to her later…^^ Then, my results… It was good… Kinda disappointed with myself because I know I could do better… I still never change… For the whole 1st year, I’m telling the same thing to myself… I’m so dumb!!! Fish!!! Lol… This semester subject quite hard… I’ve to do my best… I am aiming for Aces…
In second year, it’s like so cool… I got juniors… Lol… Very nice… haha… Dunno how to tell these kinda feelings… Just happy lar… lol… 1st week itself, my problem with my course started… I get so pissed… A lot of problem in my head… Couldn’t let it out… I’m not like can tell anyone all my problems… I believe all my problems got no answer… And I cannot tell out my problems… I just love to hide it… I dunno why… I am like hunting for others attention… Aaargh… I’m so bad… I shouldn’t do that… I’ve made my besties worry about myself… I hope you all understand… I’m not okay… But I have to be okay… I’m just being so sad… very sad… and I can’t tell out all my problems… I don’t want to bother you guys’ life either… I’m not doing this on purpose… But I’m just at the death end figuring out a solution to get myself out of this hXXl… I’m very very sorry for being like this… I know you all also got problems… I’ll try my best to be with you all… And my Tachi… I hope you read this someday… I know things been far… I’m trying my best here for you… I know things look different for you… I’m figuring out to make things back to normal… I will do my best… I’m sorry for what I’ve done or even if I’ve hurt you by my words… I’m sorry… But I want you to know you owe me sorries too… I hope I could get a perfect time to talk to you personally… If you read it someday, I hope you know that this is what I feel ryte now… XY and CF… Don’t worry about me lar… I will be ok soon… Thanks…
Just like a blink of eye, one week of my fourth semester finished… OMG… I got a lot of things to do man… Hmmmm… Back to BBCC… I thought she is my only problem… Yea… She is still my only problem… 1st day itself, I felt so damn boring… Like lost something in my life… It was 1:30am… wanted to see whether if she is still alive… Hmmm… Yea… She was… I asked her to accompany me for a walk… We had a long talk… she was the one talking a lot as usual… And then, we eventually talk about our problems… Hmmmmm… Hahahaha… I was controlling my tears… Lol… She was calm only as though nothing happened… But I can see she got problems also… The second day, her result came out… she was so damn happy… She did it as what she said… Congratz again… She called me out for lunch… I didn’t wanna ruin her day… Went WM for our lunch… Was some happy hour… I, who told myself not to meet her was actually meeting her all the nights… We talk story… Those four days, I know that she got a lot of problem though… Hmmmm… I understand… I should stop bothering her with our problems… Our problems will never solve and at the same time it’s not a good time to talk about it… I should try to help her… Not to increase her pressure or tension… okay… I hope whatever problem you face you can get rid of it asap… I will pray for you… God will hear you and your problems… Hmmmm… I’m sorry… I would never add problem for you… Best wishes… I’m seriously sorry…
At this blog, I would like to say sorry to everyone whoever I‘ve hurt you all before… I am sorry… And as I said, I’m going to do better and be better as well… I got a life… I must improve myself… This semester, I going to study like a nerd…^^ Yeah… Lol… I’m sorry again to everyone… And I’m sad for being who I am… Very sad… This is who I am recently… I am very sad… Hoping my friends can be beside me but I just can’t tell out my problems… Haiz… It has been so hard for me… Hmmmm…
In second year, it’s like so cool… I got juniors… Lol… Very nice… haha… Dunno how to tell these kinda feelings… Just happy lar… lol… 1st week itself, my problem with my course started… I get so pissed… A lot of problem in my head… Couldn’t let it out… I’m not like can tell anyone all my problems… I believe all my problems got no answer… And I cannot tell out my problems… I just love to hide it… I dunno why… I am like hunting for others attention… Aaargh… I’m so bad… I shouldn’t do that… I’ve made my besties worry about myself… I hope you all understand… I’m not okay… But I have to be okay… I’m just being so sad… very sad… and I can’t tell out all my problems… I don’t want to bother you guys’ life either… I’m not doing this on purpose… But I’m just at the death end figuring out a solution to get myself out of this hXXl… I’m very very sorry for being like this… I know you all also got problems… I’ll try my best to be with you all… And my Tachi… I hope you read this someday… I know things been far… I’m trying my best here for you… I know things look different for you… I’m figuring out to make things back to normal… I will do my best… I’m sorry for what I’ve done or even if I’ve hurt you by my words… I’m sorry… But I want you to know you owe me sorries too… I hope I could get a perfect time to talk to you personally… If you read it someday, I hope you know that this is what I feel ryte now… XY and CF… Don’t worry about me lar… I will be ok soon… Thanks…
Just like a blink of eye, one week of my fourth semester finished… OMG… I got a lot of things to do man… Hmmmm… Back to BBCC… I thought she is my only problem… Yea… She is still my only problem… 1st day itself, I felt so damn boring… Like lost something in my life… It was 1:30am… wanted to see whether if she is still alive… Hmmm… Yea… She was… I asked her to accompany me for a walk… We had a long talk… she was the one talking a lot as usual… And then, we eventually talk about our problems… Hmmmmm… Hahahaha… I was controlling my tears… Lol… She was calm only as though nothing happened… But I can see she got problems also… The second day, her result came out… she was so damn happy… She did it as what she said… Congratz again… She called me out for lunch… I didn’t wanna ruin her day… Went WM for our lunch… Was some happy hour… I, who told myself not to meet her was actually meeting her all the nights… We talk story… Those four days, I know that she got a lot of problem though… Hmmmm… I understand… I should stop bothering her with our problems… Our problems will never solve and at the same time it’s not a good time to talk about it… I should try to help her… Not to increase her pressure or tension… okay… I hope whatever problem you face you can get rid of it asap… I will pray for you… God will hear you and your problems… Hmmmm… I’m sorry… I would never add problem for you… Best wishes… I’m seriously sorry…
At this blog, I would like to say sorry to everyone whoever I‘ve hurt you all before… I am sorry… And as I said, I’m going to do better and be better as well… I got a life… I must improve myself… This semester, I going to study like a nerd…^^ Yeah… Lol… I’m sorry again to everyone… And I’m sad for being who I am… Very sad… This is who I am recently… I am very sad… Hoping my friends can be beside me but I just can’t tell out my problems… Haiz… It has been so hard for me… Hmmmm…
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
A messy blog... but everything is for you…
This happen on the last Sunday (16/5)… I fell down awfully on that stone field... Damn!!!I broke my wrist… and then some scratches on my knee… But believe me it sucks… I went back home and told my mom... lol… Haha… After a while, I went to take a bath… I turn on the water from the shower and stand there... That moment, I realize something… My leg and wrist was like seriously burning and freakingly pain... I was screaming in my bathroom… lol… But the pain seems to be nothing if compared to the pain inside my heart… That pain on my legs was not permanent… It was just for a while… But those pains in heart stays longer with you…^^ It makes you suffer and lastly make you cry for what you’ve done… Yes!!! I’m a loser… I’m regretting for every moments… Is not that you suck… It’s me… I’m the idiot!!! I’m happily admitting it… = (
Why will you want to compare yourself with Nantz??? You are just bringing back the memory… Haiz… This explanation is for you… You actually have to understand this… I’m not going to repeat this thing again… Nantz is someone that I don’t even want to look back in my life… That’s why I remove her from my friend list… And you is just different okay?? You are because I’m kept on looking at you and suffer… I can’t stop looking at your page… At where even after I removed you from my friend list, I’m still checking on you… Now, you understand the difference??? End of this chapter…
The next chapter… On the first day of college, I was hoping to meet you again... But why?? I couldn’t get an answer for this question…^^ I’m too noob.. Haiz… Anyway… As promise, I met you at somewhere Hibiscus Park… lol… I acted like I don’t wanna see ya… Hahaha… But all the way, I was trying to look at you… Failed… Tak nampak pun… Haiz… Shit… But nevermind lar… Maybe it’s better never see you…^^
I’m done as my promise… lol… 1st time, I won I guess… It’s like a great achievement in a very sad way… but nevermind… Atleast, this was my first win… first and last…^^ You said we will be a forever friend and a lot a lot stupid promises and hope… Especially those hope and promises that been made on the 2nd semester… I still remember… I knew it was all fake… But those hopes and promises was what hold me strong and make me live with those false hope... I said things won’t last long… But you want me to touch the wood… lol… hahaha… Saw what’s happening ryte now??? Lol… Yeah… I’m a sore winner… = (
I’m eating burger alone… I’m walking around hostel alone… Dinner with new and unusual environment… not used to it yet… lol.. just like everything alone… It’s not because of you… This is for sure… But it’s just because I lost my heart… It fell down somewhere and maybe to someone… Oh my heart!!! Where are you?? I need you… I do not know what this kinda feeling is known as… I just can’t describe it… Hmmmm… But my heart… Wherever you are… I will get you back one day… for sure!!! Eventhough if it’s in my next generation… I will be waiting and hunting for you… Until I get you fully one day…
I do not know why… I’m thinking of changing college ady… Hmmmm… Haiz… I have to figure out what to tell my mom… as well as I have to select college that I seriously I can afford to pay everything… Is it too late??? Hmmmm… I need someone to talk to… I lost feeling to this college ady… I’m no longer happy?? Should I just shut up and finish my course and go out… WTH?!! Why I am like no other chance?? Can someone help me get out from this crucial situation… I need someone now… Someone… Someone… But who huh?? lol... It’s ok…^^ Nvm… This is how thing should be ryte… Hmmm… KK…
Hey…. Your result coming out tomorrow… Dun worry… I prayed for you ady…^^ Everything gonna be good… I hope you do well… I hope you will be jumping all around the college happily tomorrow…^^ That’s my only wish for this moment… God, I hope you did listen to me today… I hope when someday I will get to know this great news from her… I’m really hoping she get an excellent result tmrw… God bless her…^^
The end of this blog… This blog was for me and myself… This is what I’m thinking at this moment… And yea... I forgot... This is the time i suppose to lepak at the centre of the hostel... OK... Bubye... Darkangel on his way to centre bench... The memorial place.. That's it for this blog...^^ Goodnight...
Why will you want to compare yourself with Nantz??? You are just bringing back the memory… Haiz… This explanation is for you… You actually have to understand this… I’m not going to repeat this thing again… Nantz is someone that I don’t even want to look back in my life… That’s why I remove her from my friend list… And you is just different okay?? You are because I’m kept on looking at you and suffer… I can’t stop looking at your page… At where even after I removed you from my friend list, I’m still checking on you… Now, you understand the difference??? End of this chapter…
The next chapter… On the first day of college, I was hoping to meet you again... But why?? I couldn’t get an answer for this question…^^ I’m too noob.. Haiz… Anyway… As promise, I met you at somewhere Hibiscus Park… lol… I acted like I don’t wanna see ya… Hahaha… But all the way, I was trying to look at you… Failed… Tak nampak pun… Haiz… Shit… But nevermind lar… Maybe it’s better never see you…^^
I’m done as my promise… lol… 1st time, I won I guess… It’s like a great achievement in a very sad way… but nevermind… Atleast, this was my first win… first and last…^^ You said we will be a forever friend and a lot a lot stupid promises and hope… Especially those hope and promises that been made on the 2nd semester… I still remember… I knew it was all fake… But those hopes and promises was what hold me strong and make me live with those false hope... I said things won’t last long… But you want me to touch the wood… lol… hahaha… Saw what’s happening ryte now??? Lol… Yeah… I’m a sore winner… = (
I’m eating burger alone… I’m walking around hostel alone… Dinner with new and unusual environment… not used to it yet… lol.. just like everything alone… It’s not because of you… This is for sure… But it’s just because I lost my heart… It fell down somewhere and maybe to someone… Oh my heart!!! Where are you?? I need you… I do not know what this kinda feeling is known as… I just can’t describe it… Hmmmm… But my heart… Wherever you are… I will get you back one day… for sure!!! Eventhough if it’s in my next generation… I will be waiting and hunting for you… Until I get you fully one day…
I do not know why… I’m thinking of changing college ady… Hmmmm… Haiz… I have to figure out what to tell my mom… as well as I have to select college that I seriously I can afford to pay everything… Is it too late??? Hmmmm… I need someone to talk to… I lost feeling to this college ady… I’m no longer happy?? Should I just shut up and finish my course and go out… WTH?!! Why I am like no other chance?? Can someone help me get out from this crucial situation… I need someone now… Someone… Someone… But who huh?? lol... It’s ok…^^ Nvm… This is how thing should be ryte… Hmmm… KK…
Hey…. Your result coming out tomorrow… Dun worry… I prayed for you ady…^^ Everything gonna be good… I hope you do well… I hope you will be jumping all around the college happily tomorrow…^^ That’s my only wish for this moment… God, I hope you did listen to me today… I hope when someday I will get to know this great news from her… I’m really hoping she get an excellent result tmrw… God bless her…^^
The end of this blog… This blog was for me and myself… This is what I’m thinking at this moment… And yea... I forgot... This is the time i suppose to lepak at the centre of the hostel... OK... Bubye... Darkangel on his way to centre bench... The memorial place.. That's it for this blog...^^ Goodnight...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Weyh…. This is for you….
Hey… I don’t want anything anymore from you… It’s enough k… You are people that will never understand me… okay… I said I wanna leave you… That’s it… ok... I don’t want to suffer anymore… I cannot control myself… okay… I don’t want to tell anything anymore… I don’t know how to tell… just leave me okay… I give you 2days to remove me from your friend list… thank you… Sorry… I don’t know what else to say… Just let it be as what you said… It’s other way round… Everything looks like my fault now… Everyone said I’m wrong too… That’s why I don’t want to care anymore… Let me take this pain till my death… So what??? It’s my fault… I’m childish… Being like an idiot… Pathetic minded… Because I know if I turn back also no point… You won’t understand… U will continue to be like an idiot… and actually hurt me as you don’t know anything… As you don’t understand anything k… What’s the point you be there for me everytime… you said you know everything about me… WTFish!!! I told you that you won’t understand me… Idiot... Every conversation, you must win and end it… You responsible for every ‘scratch’ you did to me… Time given was not less… But you make it even worse… I told you a lot of time... We fought for so many times... And you said you went up think back… Then, WTFish actually u changed… You said you will change things to make me happy… Where it went??? Hahaha… Failed!!!!!!!!!!!!!?? And you could say a lot of crap to cover up your things…. Did you care about what I felt everytime?? Did you???!!!
You ask me why I did say sorry… Hahaha… Very good… Because I’m suffering k… Everytime you cry but I got no one to cry to… You want me to make you happy… But there were no other way round… Am I a toy for you??? I’m human, okay… I got feelings… You will want me to listen to you everything… I will listen but deep inside I’m crying because you don’t know how I felt… I want to tell you... I owned feelings too… Why you don’t want to care about me??? And now, I do know how you think exactly… You will wanna tell me that you got feelings too… haiz…
Deyh… You were talking like as though I don’t want things to be good… Do you still remember our 2nd semester break…? Although I deleted all those messages, it’s still clearly in my mind… Did you actually do as what you said…? I gave chances till the end… but nothing happened right… If I could ask you few question now, can you answer after you think properly and professionally…? The question is if I did ask for forgiving me for what I’ve done now, do you think things will be alright??? If I didn’t take this decision, will you ever know what I felt?? You know we got problem… but you would only settle when you want to settle… That’s cool… WTFish… You gonna tell it was exam time and this and that… ok… What happened after exam??? I was waiting for you all the time to come and talk to me about the problems… You never turn up… For your information, I waited like an idiot!!!!
Do you want to ask me why I’m telling this everthing at once and end up everything at once??? Here is the answer… My answer would be a question… Did you ever listen to my problems properly when I tell you?? For me, I told you a lot of time… I told you one by one… I hope and thought you will actually change yourself and understand me… Hahaha… I think I’m biggest noob here… Small things become so big and when I tell you, you could just never take it seriously… And now when it’s too big, and when I’m crying everyday and when the scar in my heart is so big, did you even realize that??? You cannot even realize this big thing… Hahaha… You said you cared for me more than anyone… lol… Hahaha… Hahaha..T.T Great deyh… You cared your very best I guess… but I no longer can take it… And now what you gonna say??? Are you gonna say that you actually faced worst things before in your life and I making small things big??? Hahaha… Just tell… That’s the last things I can listen to now…
You said you can’t believe i just walked pass that way yesterday… And for this you came up with a mind that you wanna leave me??? So, how many times I should have leaved you??? You said u cared for me the most… Can I doubt it now??? Do you know what I feeling now?? Come on!!! You are older... You know you went through so many things before… That’s your stupid move… great… I’m doubting whether whatever you told before about yourself is real now… In my blog, I said I will try my very best… And I need time… Did you see how demanding are you…? All this while, age was a problem between us too… You pressed me so down because your power as you are older… And thanks… Don’t denial because this is the truth… And I believe I told you before about this and eventually you talked something and shut my mouth…
I know you sick of me too… Thanks… Be great in your life… Do what you suppose to do… You know what… I feel damn pity towards you… Because you didn’t know that you hurt me so much... I know how truthful you were to me… I believed you more than my life… I gave everything to you… I did my very best to you… I believe I did so much for you… And you did your part as well… I’m not expecting anything from you anymore now… Just want to thanks you for whatever you done for me… Thank you to care for me more than anyone… Although it never enough, but thanks for your efforts… I guess you know what to do and I know what to do… Hmmmm… yea… When I saw you next time, I hope I can see you laughing and enjoying your life with your friends… You should understand why I said this… If you don’t know, I’m just so speechless… Hey… kindly remove me from your every friend list(Fb and MSN)… Start not to read my blog as well… Thanks… It would help you a lot… Don’t emo…^^ I know you can do good… Don’t worry… God Bless you… And wish whatever you do after this brings a happy ending… Good luck and lastly… As I said I loved you more than anyone… And this from the bottom of my heart…
I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!!
… Can I say “The End” this time???
You ask me why I did say sorry… Hahaha… Very good… Because I’m suffering k… Everytime you cry but I got no one to cry to… You want me to make you happy… But there were no other way round… Am I a toy for you??? I’m human, okay… I got feelings… You will want me to listen to you everything… I will listen but deep inside I’m crying because you don’t know how I felt… I want to tell you... I owned feelings too… Why you don’t want to care about me??? And now, I do know how you think exactly… You will wanna tell me that you got feelings too… haiz…
Deyh… You were talking like as though I don’t want things to be good… Do you still remember our 2nd semester break…? Although I deleted all those messages, it’s still clearly in my mind… Did you actually do as what you said…? I gave chances till the end… but nothing happened right… If I could ask you few question now, can you answer after you think properly and professionally…? The question is if I did ask for forgiving me for what I’ve done now, do you think things will be alright??? If I didn’t take this decision, will you ever know what I felt?? You know we got problem… but you would only settle when you want to settle… That’s cool… WTFish… You gonna tell it was exam time and this and that… ok… What happened after exam??? I was waiting for you all the time to come and talk to me about the problems… You never turn up… For your information, I waited like an idiot!!!!
Do you want to ask me why I’m telling this everthing at once and end up everything at once??? Here is the answer… My answer would be a question… Did you ever listen to my problems properly when I tell you?? For me, I told you a lot of time… I told you one by one… I hope and thought you will actually change yourself and understand me… Hahaha… I think I’m biggest noob here… Small things become so big and when I tell you, you could just never take it seriously… And now when it’s too big, and when I’m crying everyday and when the scar in my heart is so big, did you even realize that??? You cannot even realize this big thing… Hahaha… You said you cared for me more than anyone… lol… Hahaha… Hahaha..T.T Great deyh… You cared your very best I guess… but I no longer can take it… And now what you gonna say??? Are you gonna say that you actually faced worst things before in your life and I making small things big??? Hahaha… Just tell… That’s the last things I can listen to now…
You said you can’t believe i just walked pass that way yesterday… And for this you came up with a mind that you wanna leave me??? So, how many times I should have leaved you??? You said u cared for me the most… Can I doubt it now??? Do you know what I feeling now?? Come on!!! You are older... You know you went through so many things before… That’s your stupid move… great… I’m doubting whether whatever you told before about yourself is real now… In my blog, I said I will try my very best… And I need time… Did you see how demanding are you…? All this while, age was a problem between us too… You pressed me so down because your power as you are older… And thanks… Don’t denial because this is the truth… And I believe I told you before about this and eventually you talked something and shut my mouth…
I know you sick of me too… Thanks… Be great in your life… Do what you suppose to do… You know what… I feel damn pity towards you… Because you didn’t know that you hurt me so much... I know how truthful you were to me… I believed you more than my life… I gave everything to you… I did my very best to you… I believe I did so much for you… And you did your part as well… I’m not expecting anything from you anymore now… Just want to thanks you for whatever you done for me… Thank you to care for me more than anyone… Although it never enough, but thanks for your efforts… I guess you know what to do and I know what to do… Hmmmm… yea… When I saw you next time, I hope I can see you laughing and enjoying your life with your friends… You should understand why I said this… If you don’t know, I’m just so speechless… Hey… kindly remove me from your every friend list(Fb and MSN)… Start not to read my blog as well… Thanks… It would help you a lot… Don’t emo…^^ I know you can do good… Don’t worry… God Bless you… And wish whatever you do after this brings a happy ending… Good luck and lastly… As I said I loved you more than anyone… And this from the bottom of my heart…
I LOVE YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!!
… Can I say “The End” this time???
Saturday, May 8, 2010
S-O-R-R-Y!!!
HEY YOU OUT THERE.... I'M SO SORRY
IM JUST SO SO SORRY
I WONDER HOW YOU FEEL
SHOUD HAVE BEEN VERY HARD FOR YOU ALSO RYTE...
>.<
I'M SO SORRY
AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE,WHY YOU STILL CARE ABOUT ME?
WHY YOU HAVE TO?
I KNOW I IGNORED YOU ALOT...
I'M SO GUILTY FOR IT...
WEYH...
IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING
WAKE UP AND SLAP YOURSELF
YOU GOT A BETTER LIFE TOO
WAKE UP AND FIGHT FOR THAT...
DON'T BE DOWN ALSO OKAY...
YOU ASKED ME TO ADVICE YOU TODAY
I DUNNO WHY YOU ASKED THAT
BUT HAVE A GREAT LIFE K
EAT PROPERLY
SLEEP PROPERLY
ENJOY LIFE WHEN U SUPPOSE TO
STUDY AND COME UP LIFE
HOPE YOU WILL BE OK
I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR RESULTS FOR SURE
AND I WILL TRY MY BEST TO DO WHATEVER YOU ASKED TODAY...
I'M SORRY
HAIZ
I'M JUST SO SORRY
BE SOME GREAT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
EVERYTHING SEEM TO BE SO WRONG NOW
I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE NOW
I COULDN'T TAKE THIS THING AWAY FROM ME
I'M SWIMMING IN THE SEA CALLED SEA OF SORROW
GUESS WILL BE DROWNING SOON
GOODBYE
I HATE HOW THINGS IS NOW
I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE
IT'S JUST BECAUSE I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
I'M SORRY, GIRL...
>.<
T.T
IM JUST SO SO SORRY
I WONDER HOW YOU FEEL
SHOUD HAVE BEEN VERY HARD FOR YOU ALSO RYTE...
>.<
I'M SO SORRY
AFTER WHAT I'VE DONE,WHY YOU STILL CARE ABOUT ME?
WHY YOU HAVE TO?
I KNOW I IGNORED YOU ALOT...
I'M SO GUILTY FOR IT...
WEYH...
IM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING
WAKE UP AND SLAP YOURSELF
YOU GOT A BETTER LIFE TOO
WAKE UP AND FIGHT FOR THAT...
DON'T BE DOWN ALSO OKAY...
YOU ASKED ME TO ADVICE YOU TODAY
I DUNNO WHY YOU ASKED THAT
BUT HAVE A GREAT LIFE K
EAT PROPERLY
SLEEP PROPERLY
ENJOY LIFE WHEN U SUPPOSE TO
STUDY AND COME UP LIFE
HOPE YOU WILL BE OK
I WILL PRAY FOR YOUR RESULTS FOR SURE
AND I WILL TRY MY BEST TO DO WHATEVER YOU ASKED TODAY...
I'M SORRY
HAIZ
I'M JUST SO SORRY
BE SOME GREAT PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE
EVERYTHING SEEM TO BE SO WRONG NOW
I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE NOW
I COULDN'T TAKE THIS THING AWAY FROM ME
I'M SWIMMING IN THE SEA CALLED SEA OF SORROW
GUESS WILL BE DROWNING SOON
GOODBYE
I HATE HOW THINGS IS NOW
I HATE MYSELF EVEN MORE
IT'S JUST BECAUSE I LOVED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE
I'M SORRY, GIRL...
>.<
T.T
Lately~It’s not about can or cannot… It’s all about want or don’t want~any shortcut~leave me alone…>.<(7thMay)
Hmmmm… Entering third day… I lost my appetite… Screaming to myself to sleep… Suffering from insomnia… This feeling is too hard… Couldn’t describe myself… Telling around to friends that I’m no longer with her… But we weren’t even together… but we were close… and now we are not… Just like magic (it supposes to be a joke but it’s no longer a joke now)… Hunting for support… I need people to listen to me… It’s been rare for me to depend on other people (even friends)… So far, it’s been few of them I talk to… I explain the whole situation to them… I didn’t know I’m this bad… But I couldn’t… Tears have been my close friends this few days… As I’m writing, tears just by my eyes… we are smiling to each other… Tears know I need him… Well… I’m controlling it… Somehow, it shouldn’t come out this time… It was my decision… I have to face it…
I’m reading the last conversation again and again and again and again… never felt bored… But hated myself… memories are every where… Everywhere… Everything… Eventhough it sucks, it makes me recall every moments we went through together… Hahahaha… Stupid, darkangel!!! That’s my routine job every night before sleep… I was talking to my friend but then I was describing everything about you… When I saw old town white coffee, when I saw fashion magazines, when talks about shopping, when talk about studies, when talks about driving, when talks about diabetes, when talk………….. Hmmmm… What am I doing???
Aaaargh!!!! Is it cannot?? I just want to forget everything… Everything… Do we have time machine??? I hope I never met her… I’m overwhelmed by memories… Too many memories already… My friend told me 1thing… He said… Darkangel, now it’s not about can or cannot but it’s about want or don’t want… hmmm… It’s true… It’s about me… My thinking… I have to and I want to get things done and move on… please… But I don’t want to suffer… Are there any shortcuts??? I couldn’t face it… That’s why… I shouldn’t even have committed so much about this… Haiz… OMG… Emo liao lor… >.<
Hey, whoever you call as darkangel today… remember… This is life… No turning back… Once done, it’s done… Now, it’s done… Whatever things you do after this, you have to think properly… I lost in a race called life… And now, I’m climbing up from the fall… Still in the process of climbing up… I need thousands of hands from whom I called them as friends to support and bring me up… Haiz… Huh??? Wat I want now??? I’m scared now to believe anyone… But I shouldn’t be like this… I’m just so done when I said it’s so done… I’m not sure… I want to be alone… ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE… I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
THE END…. (And these two simple words make me think about her too because she loves to use these words to end any conversations… >.<)
I’m reading the last conversation again and again and again and again… never felt bored… But hated myself… memories are every where… Everywhere… Everything… Eventhough it sucks, it makes me recall every moments we went through together… Hahahaha… Stupid, darkangel!!! That’s my routine job every night before sleep… I was talking to my friend but then I was describing everything about you… When I saw old town white coffee, when I saw fashion magazines, when talks about shopping, when talk about studies, when talks about driving, when talks about diabetes, when talk………….. Hmmmm… What am I doing???
Aaaargh!!!! Is it cannot?? I just want to forget everything… Everything… Do we have time machine??? I hope I never met her… I’m overwhelmed by memories… Too many memories already… My friend told me 1thing… He said… Darkangel, now it’s not about can or cannot but it’s about want or don’t want… hmmm… It’s true… It’s about me… My thinking… I have to and I want to get things done and move on… please… But I don’t want to suffer… Are there any shortcuts??? I couldn’t face it… That’s why… I shouldn’t even have committed so much about this… Haiz… OMG… Emo liao lor… >.<
Hey, whoever you call as darkangel today… remember… This is life… No turning back… Once done, it’s done… Now, it’s done… Whatever things you do after this, you have to think properly… I lost in a race called life… And now, I’m climbing up from the fall… Still in the process of climbing up… I need thousands of hands from whom I called them as friends to support and bring me up… Haiz… Huh??? Wat I want now??? I’m scared now to believe anyone… But I shouldn’t be like this… I’m just so done when I said it’s so done… I’m not sure… I want to be alone… ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE… I HATE MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!
THE END…. (And these two simple words make me think about her too because she loves to use these words to end any conversations… >.<)
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Second Real Fall~The End of It (5May2010, 04:56am)~BBCC, It’s Over!!!!
Hey, BBCC… I’m not gonna explain to you how I felt the whole way… If you dun understand what you’ve done, then it’s ok… it’s just that, thank you for everything.... thanks for every single moment that we spend together… I never thought things will become like this… I’m sorry… I’m so stingy… I know I never think about you but I have to think about myself… I’m under deep depression because of you… And I’m still doing the same mistakes by thinking of you 24/7…. Hahaha… Guess… I shouldn’t even have met you… I knew when you first kissed me but still I committed myself because I thought things will change… Hahaha… Things changed!!! I changed when you are the one who suppose to change… You never gonna know my feeling because you are just an idiot thinking of yourself… Hahaha… And yea… hahaha… Here it is… It’s over…
5th May2010, early morning, at around2-3pm… I was chatting with my friend... And I told her about you (BBCC)… Dun worry, BBCC… Everything is good… She said I’m an idiot for ignoring you, for replying all your messages like an idiot and yea for keep everything inside me… And she said I’m in love… I told her that I can’t get a chance to tells things properly because end up it hurts a lot and we fight… And you came online… She urged me to tell her everything and explain those situations… As usual u will talk a lot… and something different that day when you were telling you seriously like this guy… guess… it’s not the time to tell you things… You are happy… And I’m not going to spoil anything… I don’t feel like telling ady… It’s time for me to let things go I guess…^^Haha… no words to explain the feeling… Couldn’t explain… like lost something… Hmmmm… I got to find out what actually that feeling is…
BBCC… I want you to know this… Keep this in your mind forever… I told you this things before but you said your ex was so nice and won’t have this kind of thinking… U makes me laugh… But nevermind… it’s my responsibility to tell you this again… guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. I used to cancel all my night plans and spend the whole night with you… we talk stories till we almost fell asleep… u usually talks a lot… I will be listening the whole way… But do you realize that you will be only talking about your ex’s and who you meet and who you think like you and which guy is cute…. Hmmmm…. And lastly, u will tell I’m not going for looks… It’s a schedule ryte… And do you know what? It’s not about jealousy… First time you tell this, I take it… Second time, I took it… Third time, I took it also…. If you gonna repeat the same thing for hundreds and thousands time… How am I supposed to take it??? I’m in front you… Can you please talk about me or atleast something that can make me happy or things that I can give feedback on??? And you will make sure I’m listening to you not… hahaha… Kalpana, if you think I’m jealous, then go ahead... Because I know I’m pissed with things…
Hey, do you know about the two girls rules???? Rules No.1-girls are always correct… Rules No.2- if u thinks they are wrong, please refers to rules No.1… I guess you understand… You never listen to me and my thing properly before… You always say I never think on your shoes… and you say you does… And if you do, what is the big deal??? Coz you never change… Everything is about what you say… I gave out a lot… My energy, my commitment and everything… saddest part is u never change… U says I changed a lot… hahaha… yea… From a ok to ko…
I’m sorry… Not because of what I’ve done or how did I hurt you… I was hunting for truth… I wanted answer… But I know I can’t get from you… So, that night, when I was chatting with you… I actually did show few parts of the conversation to my friend… She could just say pity you, darkangel... She is the one who asked me to explain everything to you and she is the one who say pity you, darkangel... She told something that it’s repeated in my life for twice… She said I’m a good guy and will get a better girl and BBCC is just someone that I can’t get along… Damn funny… What I’ve been done for past one year with her then???
The blog is going too long… I have to stop… Things just done… Still remember the message that you send before I lie to you that I want to sleep… u said… oh. Ok then. Sorry I kept talking about myself. N thanks 4 listening.tc.nite dei. Sweet dreams (5th may 2010, 05:00am)… lol… BBCC, now only u know???? And the next day, u apologizes again… Hey, what’s the point??? U said I used to be a good listener and now I’m not… And I have to tell you that I suffered that much because I was a good listener… And now, I really don’t care… Don’t even bother… But I admit I’m still thinking about you 24/7… But it just a fool of myself… I gonna stop…
This is my last word to you… I don’t care if you cry or anything… I know you are strong enough now…^^ Good… I will pray for your results… And yea… About those guys… Be smart when you take decision k… Don’t suffer later… I bet you cant take anymore suffers… Excel in everything in your life… I don’t wanna be a blocking stone of your happiness… I don’t know you anymore… I got life… and so do you… I don’t care what you want to tell about me to your friends… You think I’m an idiot or chicken or whatever… Go ahead!!! I dun care!!! You do ask why I’m so good with Chinese but not Indian... hahaha… it’s because of things that you won’t understand… You still a small and pathetic thinking kid… Before things end, want you to know that you are too sweet to me… thanks a lot… it was so nice of you…^^ Millions of thanks, BBCC…
When you read finish, we r done… just D-O-N-E!!!!(The decision I took on 5thMay2010, 04:56am…)
5th May2010, early morning, at around2-3pm… I was chatting with my friend... And I told her about you (BBCC)… Dun worry, BBCC… Everything is good… She said I’m an idiot for ignoring you, for replying all your messages like an idiot and yea for keep everything inside me… And she said I’m in love… I told her that I can’t get a chance to tells things properly because end up it hurts a lot and we fight… And you came online… She urged me to tell her everything and explain those situations… As usual u will talk a lot… and something different that day when you were telling you seriously like this guy… guess… it’s not the time to tell you things… You are happy… And I’m not going to spoil anything… I don’t feel like telling ady… It’s time for me to let things go I guess…^^Haha… no words to explain the feeling… Couldn’t explain… like lost something… Hmmmm… I got to find out what actually that feeling is…
BBCC… I want you to know this… Keep this in your mind forever… I told you this things before but you said your ex was so nice and won’t have this kind of thinking… U makes me laugh… But nevermind… it’s my responsibility to tell you this again… guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriend or ex love-interest. I used to cancel all my night plans and spend the whole night with you… we talk stories till we almost fell asleep… u usually talks a lot… I will be listening the whole way… But do you realize that you will be only talking about your ex’s and who you meet and who you think like you and which guy is cute…. Hmmmm…. And lastly, u will tell I’m not going for looks… It’s a schedule ryte… And do you know what? It’s not about jealousy… First time you tell this, I take it… Second time, I took it… Third time, I took it also…. If you gonna repeat the same thing for hundreds and thousands time… How am I supposed to take it??? I’m in front you… Can you please talk about me or atleast something that can make me happy or things that I can give feedback on??? And you will make sure I’m listening to you not… hahaha… Kalpana, if you think I’m jealous, then go ahead... Because I know I’m pissed with things…
Hey, do you know about the two girls rules???? Rules No.1-girls are always correct… Rules No.2- if u thinks they are wrong, please refers to rules No.1… I guess you understand… You never listen to me and my thing properly before… You always say I never think on your shoes… and you say you does… And if you do, what is the big deal??? Coz you never change… Everything is about what you say… I gave out a lot… My energy, my commitment and everything… saddest part is u never change… U says I changed a lot… hahaha… yea… From a ok to ko…
I’m sorry… Not because of what I’ve done or how did I hurt you… I was hunting for truth… I wanted answer… But I know I can’t get from you… So, that night, when I was chatting with you… I actually did show few parts of the conversation to my friend… She could just say pity you, darkangel... She is the one who asked me to explain everything to you and she is the one who say pity you, darkangel... She told something that it’s repeated in my life for twice… She said I’m a good guy and will get a better girl and BBCC is just someone that I can’t get along… Damn funny… What I’ve been done for past one year with her then???
The blog is going too long… I have to stop… Things just done… Still remember the message that you send before I lie to you that I want to sleep… u said… oh. Ok then. Sorry I kept talking about myself. N thanks 4 listening.tc.nite dei. Sweet dreams (5th may 2010, 05:00am)… lol… BBCC, now only u know???? And the next day, u apologizes again… Hey, what’s the point??? U said I used to be a good listener and now I’m not… And I have to tell you that I suffered that much because I was a good listener… And now, I really don’t care… Don’t even bother… But I admit I’m still thinking about you 24/7… But it just a fool of myself… I gonna stop…
This is my last word to you… I don’t care if you cry or anything… I know you are strong enough now…^^ Good… I will pray for your results… And yea… About those guys… Be smart when you take decision k… Don’t suffer later… I bet you cant take anymore suffers… Excel in everything in your life… I don’t wanna be a blocking stone of your happiness… I don’t know you anymore… I got life… and so do you… I don’t care what you want to tell about me to your friends… You think I’m an idiot or chicken or whatever… Go ahead!!! I dun care!!! You do ask why I’m so good with Chinese but not Indian... hahaha… it’s because of things that you won’t understand… You still a small and pathetic thinking kid… Before things end, want you to know that you are too sweet to me… thanks a lot… it was so nice of you…^^ Millions of thanks, BBCC…
When you read finish, we r done… just D-O-N-E!!!!(The decision I took on 5thMay2010, 04:56am…)
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
My besties in college!!!!
I do have a lot of best friends since I was in primary. Everyone was so good for me. And yea! I do know I met 3more friends who make my life more meaningful and beautiful. I met these 3person in my college. We are all in the same college, same course and same class… erm… we are in the same society/club in our college. Hmmm… it’s a fate and destiny for us to meet. 1 of them from Johor and the other 2 from Kedah. Whatever it is. I’m so glad I met you all. U guys are just so special. Let’s get into them one by one.
First, she is who known as CF (I don’t wan any name to be mentioned). She is the first person I get to know in my class. It was because of the ice breaking session by our 1st semester English teacher. Lol. It was true that I attracted to her on that particular first day. And most importantly, she is the reason why I get to know the other 2friend as well. I’m kind of like fell for her in first semester. But after a while, we knew things won’t go good and that’s how our true friendship was bonded. She is kinda straight person, cheerful, hard to be explained, someone who wants to be mature all the time, someone with strong will power, kinda funny character, not available(not single)~hahaha, helpful, loyal person. We become very close in a very short time. We share and talk about our problems. Haha. I knew she kinda like boring listen to me but yea she does gave me spirit to start a whole new life. She helped in bring me out from my emo world. Lol. Thanks and Sorry, CF… It’s going to be one year we are being so close without any problems. And I hope our friendship will remain like this forever. Thanks for helping me on my studies and everything. Thanks a lot.
Second, XY… If I’m not wrong, I think it took me quite long time to understand this girl’s heart. Wonderful person, noble person, who really can show the meaning of friends, emo person, not stable or strong yet but who willing to try everything, another funny character (the way she memancing in lecture)~hahahaha, and a nice person to be with. For whatever things that you’ve done for me, i got a word for ya. THANKS. In my mind, I always think of the “Naruto” CDs. I didn’t know that you actually heard my talk and purposely spend time on it to burn for me. Thanks a lot. All the way till you gave me in Taman Pertanian, I seriously thought you forget it and I didn’t even thought you will give me and I totally forgot about it. Still remember that day, I woke up and I saw. It was wrapped with happy birthday gift paper. I thought it wasn’t for me and I slept back. When I woke up, I saw my name. omg! It was so touching! No one actually did that before. When you are reading this, I wanna thank you. Now, you understand why I thanked you so much. Thanks a lot.
Last one… My Tachi~^^~… She is one of the important spices in my life. The biggest stone head. Lol. She is far more different. Damn emoish person, nice person to be with, kinda weird, secretive, unexpected person. Hmmmm… I will tell don’t expect what she can do… She is so secretive and that’s explained why I can’t imagine what she can do. She love to keep things to herself. Sometime she makes me feel angry and sometimes happy to see her. Lol. One of the paling unexpected moments of hers was the time when shewith the decision of Mr.K…(she is not available)~lol…. But glad that she is ok with her decision. Both of them seem to be very good. Hahaha. I’m jealous. lol. She loves to be emo when she not supposed. For me, she kinda like immature… hahaha… I felt like she got a long way to go in her life… but I might be wrong too because whatever I predict about her it always goes wrong. But yeah, she shows me a lot of thing. Full of new things and new spices. I feel like I learned a lot from her. And yea. Forget about her speciality. Her voice. Her cute voice. I often said it’s like Minnie mouse or Donald duck’s voice. Lol. I’m happy to meet her as I hope she is too. And Tachi, sorry if I did anything wrong. I do sayang you ok??? lol~^^~
And something that still in my mind and at where I will treasure for my whole life is my birthday. It wasn’t so surprising as I already got some mind idea that you all gonna do something… But it was the first birthday party in my entire life with the awesome present. It was very special. It was just one year. But my memory towards you guys is like already more the few years. Thanks a lot. It has been a wonderful year. Thanks guys… I hope we get a better and much more memorial days together…^^
First, she is who known as CF (I don’t wan any name to be mentioned). She is the first person I get to know in my class. It was because of the ice breaking session by our 1st semester English teacher. Lol. It was true that I attracted to her on that particular first day. And most importantly, she is the reason why I get to know the other 2friend as well. I’m kind of like fell for her in first semester. But after a while, we knew things won’t go good and that’s how our true friendship was bonded. She is kinda straight person, cheerful, hard to be explained, someone who wants to be mature all the time, someone with strong will power, kinda funny character, not available(not single)~hahaha, helpful, loyal person. We become very close in a very short time. We share and talk about our problems. Haha. I knew she kinda like boring listen to me but yea she does gave me spirit to start a whole new life. She helped in bring me out from my emo world. Lol. Thanks and Sorry, CF… It’s going to be one year we are being so close without any problems. And I hope our friendship will remain like this forever. Thanks for helping me on my studies and everything. Thanks a lot.
Second, XY… If I’m not wrong, I think it took me quite long time to understand this girl’s heart. Wonderful person, noble person, who really can show the meaning of friends, emo person, not stable or strong yet but who willing to try everything, another funny character (the way she memancing in lecture)~hahahaha, and a nice person to be with. For whatever things that you’ve done for me, i got a word for ya. THANKS. In my mind, I always think of the “Naruto” CDs. I didn’t know that you actually heard my talk and purposely spend time on it to burn for me. Thanks a lot. All the way till you gave me in Taman Pertanian, I seriously thought you forget it and I didn’t even thought you will give me and I totally forgot about it. Still remember that day, I woke up and I saw. It was wrapped with happy birthday gift paper. I thought it wasn’t for me and I slept back. When I woke up, I saw my name. omg! It was so touching! No one actually did that before. When you are reading this, I wanna thank you. Now, you understand why I thanked you so much. Thanks a lot.
Last one… My Tachi~^^~… She is one of the important spices in my life. The biggest stone head. Lol. She is far more different. Damn emoish person, nice person to be with, kinda weird, secretive, unexpected person. Hmmmm… I will tell don’t expect what she can do… She is so secretive and that’s explained why I can’t imagine what she can do. She love to keep things to herself. Sometime she makes me feel angry and sometimes happy to see her. Lol. One of the paling unexpected moments of hers was the time when shewith the decision of Mr.K…(she is not available)~lol…. But glad that she is ok with her decision. Both of them seem to be very good. Hahaha. I’m jealous. lol. She loves to be emo when she not supposed. For me, she kinda like immature… hahaha… I felt like she got a long way to go in her life… but I might be wrong too because whatever I predict about her it always goes wrong. But yeah, she shows me a lot of thing. Full of new things and new spices. I feel like I learned a lot from her. And yea. Forget about her speciality. Her voice. Her cute voice. I often said it’s like Minnie mouse or Donald duck’s voice. Lol. I’m happy to meet her as I hope she is too. And Tachi, sorry if I did anything wrong. I do sayang you ok??? lol~^^~
And something that still in my mind and at where I will treasure for my whole life is my birthday. It wasn’t so surprising as I already got some mind idea that you all gonna do something… But it was the first birthday party in my entire life with the awesome present. It was very special. It was just one year. But my memory towards you guys is like already more the few years. Thanks a lot. It has been a wonderful year. Thanks guys… I hope we get a better and much more memorial days together…^^
Monday, April 26, 2010
Happy feeling or love???
This question was asked by one of my besties… Is it a happy feeling or love?? Omg!!! This question makes me think a lot. I admit I don’t know the meaning of love... Or should I say I lost the meaning of love?? Well… Back to the first one… I think I felt love… I do want to care for her… I do want to be the best for her… I told her everything about myself… And I’m sure she felt it too…cuz I knew she was… But now when I think back…. Was it all real??? Was it a happy feeling?? She just felt for a certain period of time… and then… Like magic… it gone…. Hehehe… Was it love??? Or happy feelings at wer u juz wan to try??? The 2nd one… it should nothing wrong with her if we’re to be asked this question… Because she got more experience and she knows a lot more than me about love… But I know I did a good job too… I felt it again… was it just happy feeling??? But I think it’s not just a happy feeling… I do will love her but just scared things go wrong again… and if ask her this question… from my point of view, she just ignored it as she said… she who knows more things about love life just failed to this question… I hope she understand… it was just happy feeling… But it’s okay… nothing much I gained but yeah I lost a lot… hmmmmmmm…. I’m not going to be emo… I got a lot besties around me who make my life wonderful… I love to be with them… I’m enjoying my life now… I’m not going to care of others who I don’t wish to care but as usual I will do my best for everyone. For those I hurt you guys a lot, I’m sorry… This sorry is especially for u, my dear BBCC… I’m sorry… But I hope things will get normal and you will start enjoy your life… If you think the existence of me around you, do hurt you… please do tell me so that I cant make my move… thank you… Happy Feeling or Love? Love is just 4 letter word that I will never understand… I’m not going to commit myself in these kinda things in this short term… God, please do hear me and help me…
Friday, April 2, 2010
A double similar mistake~ regrets!!!!
Everybody will hope that they will never repeat the same mistake they did in their life again… But I was just so stupid… I repeated my mistakes again for the second time… And my mistake is not a small matter… It was about my girlfriends… haha… Two stupid mistakes… Hmmmm… Things that we can be better are all bullshit!!! Both of them said they lost their feeling after we coupled… This thing happened even faster after I coupled with my second one… Hmmmm… Am I that boring??? I’m sick of listening to this… You are just very nice person… But then WTH for we just have to break up??? After all, I no longer care much about my first girlfriend although we’re longer together... The mistake that I did was that I thought of proposing them back after we break up… I wanted to give them more space for themselves… End up, I was just dumped… Lol… I couldn’t understand this world!!! When think of the second one, the feeling is just sucks… After few months later, she could just come and tell that she ignored those feelings??? Is this a matter of play??? It’s too late… I hate you more, my second girlfriend… It just like that… For no reason, I just don’t like you… A double similar mistake that ruined my love life… It hurts a lot…
What’s wrong with you people????
Hey, I know you not for short… Gonna be one year… I spend almost three quarter of a year time with you… I learn things… You showed me what life is… You showed me what is world n etc… U changed my life… I was undergoing a big revolution in my life… Now that, you said you are wrong… Don’t you feel it’s too late??? You’ve changed everything in me and I’ve to change back as how I was before… Hmmmm… Things look easy for ya… You can just said sorry ryte… Those days, I was wrong… My thinking was wrong and everything about me is wrong… And now, who is right now??? Me or you??? You again ryte… It was so fun for you to do this, isn’t??? You were just so individualistic and hedonistic… lol... I’m crapping… hahaha... okay... Come back… Hmmmm… But one thing I’m glad of you are on the right track back… I’m very happy for that… I would support you… Every decision you take is my decisions too… Well done… You are doing great… Now, focus on your exams… Things will be good… take care…. But I finish up this thing… I would want you to know… It might be easy for me to turn back because it was my base of life… You have to try very hard… You life base is just not there… I’m not discriminating your life… I’m not gonna talk about this to you because your stupid ego would just control you to defend yourself… Yet, this is the fact… Have a great life people… I told you I was right… Anyone listened to me before??? Haiz… Just good luck people… I will never forget you guys…
I'm sorry, BBCC…(29Mac-1April)
Another happening week… You just are giving me a lot of problem… I cannot anymore… I wish I could tell you face to face… Things are just cannot ryte… The fact that I still love you is something doubtable… But it will be not when you are sad… Why I must care so much about you… I don’t want to be nice to anyone especially you… You are treating me so nice although I make you cry everyday. Why you still say you love me when I’m hoping you to hate me… Why do you have to give the idiotic smile and laugh??? Why do you still wiping my hair slowly with full passion and love? Why do you do things like this? I just want you go out from my life. Regretted for meeting you and to spoil your life... I’m apologizing for everything. Please forgive me. I’m sorry…
Monday, we were good… I mean after our talk… We went McD… We had some great time… Tuesday, things were still okay… Wednesday, things start back… Over some small problem, the thing went so far… I know I’m wrong that I showed face… But I just don’t like what you doing… It was like why you have to do this after you know I don’t like to waste my time all… I know you want me to care about you... I know you want me to tell good things to you… But I’m mad for things… I’m sorry for being so pettish… I’m wrong for everything… I know… and I know it’s too late to turn things back… Sorry, BBCC…
Thursday… I knew you cried for things… I knew you are sad… I knew you need me… I was wanted to be nice to you back as in just like Monday… I met you after my test… I was OK only… Treating you properly… And we just start back… You just have that annoying ego with you… why you can’t just accept the face??? You yourself knew that your teacher is not that nice if comparing to our teachers… And why you just have to defend yourself???? We quarrel for that… haiz… I get pissed… I don’t know why you just can get me pissed so fast… When you tell something wrong, you can always cover up your thing… but when we does, never can... before I go back, I wanted to try my last chance… I want to make you happy back… You came down as in like being forced to come down… Sorry if you do… I just want to make you happy… I can’t tell things as you were like that… I was mad on myself!! Why things are just like this??? And then when I’m on the way back, u send that message??? You send it to everyone and finish up all your money… I know you are sad… And I’m confirm that I’m one of your sadness… Night, I called to talk to you… You never want to tell it out… But I can figure out… Every word of yours pierces into my heart… It was damn pain… I felt for true… Suddenly very pain… I used to be the one who listen to you every time… And I know you felt that I’m no longer a right person to tell things to… I’m sorry… Deeply I’m apologizing…
This is just a small thing that I want to tell you… one small portion of problems that we having… A lot of things I wish to tell you… Cannot lar… You are going to sit for test… You seriously have to do your best… I can’t help you anymore… I can only watch you… sorry… Because we’re just far… I will pray for you every moment… Hope you get good results this semester… and hope you deserve what you get… I’m sorry for everything… I don’t want to make things more complicated… Blame me for everything… I know I’m wrong… Sorry… Is me never give you chance… I understand now… It’s because of me… By the time you reading this, I’m just one more step further than how far we was before… OK… Sorry, BBCC…
Monday, we were good… I mean after our talk… We went McD… We had some great time… Tuesday, things were still okay… Wednesday, things start back… Over some small problem, the thing went so far… I know I’m wrong that I showed face… But I just don’t like what you doing… It was like why you have to do this after you know I don’t like to waste my time all… I know you want me to care about you... I know you want me to tell good things to you… But I’m mad for things… I’m sorry for being so pettish… I’m wrong for everything… I know… and I know it’s too late to turn things back… Sorry, BBCC…
Thursday… I knew you cried for things… I knew you are sad… I knew you need me… I was wanted to be nice to you back as in just like Monday… I met you after my test… I was OK only… Treating you properly… And we just start back… You just have that annoying ego with you… why you can’t just accept the face??? You yourself knew that your teacher is not that nice if comparing to our teachers… And why you just have to defend yourself???? We quarrel for that… haiz… I get pissed… I don’t know why you just can get me pissed so fast… When you tell something wrong, you can always cover up your thing… but when we does, never can... before I go back, I wanted to try my last chance… I want to make you happy back… You came down as in like being forced to come down… Sorry if you do… I just want to make you happy… I can’t tell things as you were like that… I was mad on myself!! Why things are just like this??? And then when I’m on the way back, u send that message??? You send it to everyone and finish up all your money… I know you are sad… And I’m confirm that I’m one of your sadness… Night, I called to talk to you… You never want to tell it out… But I can figure out… Every word of yours pierces into my heart… It was damn pain… I felt for true… Suddenly very pain… I used to be the one who listen to you every time… And I know you felt that I’m no longer a right person to tell things to… I’m sorry… Deeply I’m apologizing…
This is just a small thing that I want to tell you… one small portion of problems that we having… A lot of things I wish to tell you… Cannot lar… You are going to sit for test… You seriously have to do your best… I can’t help you anymore… I can only watch you… sorry… Because we’re just far… I will pray for you every moment… Hope you get good results this semester… and hope you deserve what you get… I’m sorry for everything… I don’t want to make things more complicated… Blame me for everything… I know I’m wrong… Sorry… Is me never give you chance… I understand now… It’s because of me… By the time you reading this, I’m just one more step further than how far we was before… OK… Sorry, BBCC…
Usual morning incidence~ noob LRT service~ White sparrow~29Mac2010
It was a great morning… woke up early for college as usual at 5am^^… Everyone was punctual… I meant my father… had a short breakfast with my dad… and here start the first problem of the day…. Noob LRT service… the train was actually waiting for around 5minutes at every station… meantime, inside the train… it was full pack… all of us was just like sardine in the sardine can... Lol… Damn annoying… Even worst, when I have to stand the whole way… And there come the entry of the “White Sparrow”. It was like everybody pushing and I don’t know somehow I just was beside her… No… She was in front me… She looks abit pale… she’s like suffocating… the next thing; I’m like actually push every one aside just to make her more comfortable… I don’t know where she is from but she just caught my attention towards her... Not pretty if compare to BBCC…^^ her hair was pinned up and she look tidy and very descent… I tried my best… but she never even look at me… haiz… After a while, I was pushed inside… and I’m kinda like cannot protect her… lol… After a while, The LRT was just back normal and yea… I do get a place to sit… My eyes still on her… She was like suffering there… I’m not going to let her to sit... then, what others will think… what she will think??? Hmmmm… After all, who is she???? And then, after a while I the one beside went out as in he reached his station… She wanted to come and sit… my bad luck!!! As a guy who stands just beside me sat at the place… I pity her a lot… Haiz… One great news is that I know she is from my college and she travelling everyday and she is studying something related to chemistry…^^ My detective mind starts to work ady… haha… when we reached Wangsa Maju station, She just gone like that… like magic… Hmmmm… I missed her… But yea!!! I hope to c u you again, white sparrow!!!! I just want to see you back… This is just a feeling to see you back…Not to flirt with you or what… But u just give me a happy feeling… White sparrow, great job… U caught darkangel’s attention…^^
Friday, March 26, 2010
My forever ever long lasting eternal friend: blacksky-darkangel…=P
A lot of things is in mind.. I juz wish to tel it out… I can’t express myself in facebook and I got a strong feeling that I will delete my Fb account. Hmmmm… Im keeping a lot of things inside me and I just cant let it out… I’m in stress,, can’t get a solution… Can’t tell to my friends… because they have their own problem, n I’m not gonna spoil their time… Hmmmm… And I no longer can spill out my feelings to the girl (blueberry cheesecake, BBCC) that I used to talk my problems to… Aargh.. I’m crying inside… I’m crying alone… I'm not shame that I’m crying… And seriously, I will whack those who say guys can’t cry… hahaha… And yeah… That’s y I signed in to this blogging things… And whoever saw this blog page, I dun wan you all to pity me because I dun like… but I just wan someone to seriously sit down and talk to me… but haiz… I believe no one can ever do this… Because it definitely not easy to make me talk out… sometimes, it’s just a best feeling keeping it inside and cry it out… And hell yeah… This blog page gonna be my forever ever long lasting friend of mine… and I believe this blog page is the FIRST one to be so close to me…^^
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
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