I don’t know why… It’s been very new for me… I’m like an idiot all around hostel… My college life is so busy… After I’m back to hostel… I feel so empty… just so empty… like I lost my soul… I’m finding my soul back… Hmmm… Very hard to tell how I’m feeling… just so hard… I’m following the bunch of juniors… advising them, play with them and spend my night with them… But it’s not perfect yet rite?? Hey, I need you badly… Seriously, I need you be beside me all the time… As how we was… Hmmmm… Haiz… Wish I could turn all my time back… I’m sorry…
~ (hahaha… Why I have to write like this?? I do need her… But should I stop it?? Hahaha… how lar??? I can’t ignore my feeling)
I loved two girls before… I went all the way for them… I’m not doing this for fun… Why things are just like this?? Was me the wrong one huh??? I need an answer!!! Please… Can you tell me…? Especially you, BBCC… I don’t understand how you girls can do this… You will just love a guy… after that, you guys come and tell the guys that you all lost feeling?? How you all can just tell asthough nothing happen… And BBCC, you ignored the feeling… Because of this, I’m suffering almost every moment… Huh??? Can you explain everything for me??? I still can’t even lose whatever feeling that you gave me… what’s happening to this world?? If you said you lost your lovely bear or toy, it’s acceptable… If you said you lost a feeling, are you girls kidding?? How?? Tell me how!!! Can you all explain??? The answer is just like that... I lost my feelings lar… I want to study… Haiz… BBCC, I dun believe when you tell this to me… you told me people changes… hahaha… You deserve my slap!!!
Hmmmm… I went to temple, I can’t find my peace even at there… I kept thinking about you… Instead of praying for myself, I prayed atleast you own that peace… When I was on the way back from temple… I have to see things that I’m not supposed to see... Haiz… I do not know, why god has to test me like this?? I’m still under insomnia… Have to cry everyday and think of everything about us… Monday, I was telling my friend about my problem… I know you because of this friend… She told me to move on and everything… She understands me somehow… We was walking around the college hostel, you was jumping and playing around with your friends… Something in me dies… How come you can be so happy?? Maybe you were just like what my friend told… You already moved on… It’s just me still staying behind and hasn’t moved on… And that night, you messaged me… Hahaha… I do not know why… You were so good that night… You cared about my feelings… I feel like I can’t trust you no more… It’s just like you scared I would tell wrong things about you to her… haiz… Hey, BBCC… I don’t like you anymore… Why you have to be like this…?
I trusted you more than anyone else… I know you were clear about this too… I just feel so much regretted now… My roomie told me not to commit in relationship but I wasn’t listening… Because of a reason called I love you, I committed in this… It’s ok… When I thought of I’m still fighting with my brother just because of you, seriously, I felt ashamed!!! Haiz… But still I will be on your side and defend you because it’s my promise… Hey… I do understand one thing... It’s I loved you… And you were also but for 4days… lolx… I can’t stop laughing… It’s not love… It was a game time for you… You told me you were sincere for that four day… Hahaha… Good, BBCC… I like your sincerity there… And please don’t talk about the reason why we broke up ok?? It’s totally about you and immature love… But please don’t do this again in your life… It hurts a lot… Hurts damn a lot…
Maybe I deserve this… I take this as a punishment and a lesson to be learnt with a lot a lot of sweet memories… She is a bitter gourd coated with sugar… Feels nice and sweet initially… At last, it’s bitter… Perhaps I committed too much… All the punishment worth all my efforts, time and everything I gave her… I deserve this… I’m taking this very sadly… very very sadly… But after all I still have a question for myself…
“Why am I still loving her?!!!”(is it because i seriously don't know how to hide or ignore feelings...=(
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