Blur-ing moment of my life!! Decision time, Goldfish!!

Oh gosh… A simple thing that could get my life alive back… Couldn’t believe that I am so lovable…=.= I’m not going to do flashback of stories between us in this blog… It’s gonna be short and sweet…

I get to go back my beloved alma mater (secondary school) to attend prefect’s family day… This event actually does call back all the seniors to go back school and have some fun…^^ The whole event was superb… Everything was all perfect until I get a shocking message from my junior-Goldfish the next day… Oh my god… You made me speechless… And now itself, I do not know where to start…

Ooi, you made my day happy back... That is something for sure… At the same time, you make me feel so messed up… And I never had been this blur... Thank you… It’s something very new… I’m laughing at myself… I do not know how to explain here… Haha… Hey… I still can’t get why I am thinking about it so much… I’m asking my best friends about this thing… As in whether should or should not?

And somehow, this is my decision…. Goldfish… I do like you… I gonna do my best for you… And listen… I don’t want get a correct girl at the wrong time… You are a correct girl but I kinda feel like it’s wrong time… At the same time, I don’t want to lose you… I need to know how you feel right now… And then, we get to know each other more and better… The love has to be there… As I said before, the feelings have to be there… I need something more from you… Maybe we should go for some date together and learn about each other more… how if suddenly you don’t like me? Anything can happen… Read through my blog and you will understand why I say this… I want a long relation… I’m just scared to be committing in another relation… I know I could say a yes now itself to you… But what is the point if I don’t feel it? You get me? I want you to be straight to me… Tell me if anything… I want to know what you think… As I said, I do always respect girls’ decision… By the way you message me, you seem to be far more mature but I feel like you still underestimating the future… I want you think again for better… I am promising my best for you… And can you do that too? That’s all I want to know… I’m not telling time will make the decision but I’m telling we will be good in time… it's confidence... if you dun understand message me… ok?

Goldfish… The more I think about you, you could just get so much adorable… I do not understand why… I got to talk to you or atleast meet you… I could only hope things will get good between us… And seriously, you are different if I compare to both of the ex gf… It keeps me strong that I gonna love you more… And yeah!! I would be waiting for your final decision… It’s all on your words now… I promise to give my best… We need time… We do really need time… Are you ok with what I say? I would be waiting for your message after you read this… Do reply me… Thanks…

Past few weeks (7th June-20thJune)

Woh! It’s been so long since the last time I blogged… Seriously been very busy… Haha… but somehow I love it man… Start from 7th June, we had a fundraising activity… It’s been so cool and of course it was a very successful event… Things were so normal that few days… Hardly saw BBCC… so, it was quite convincing… Neither was sad nor happy… My night time is filled with new juniors… They all are so fun to be with it… I love them all… We.ve been sleeping together, study together, bath together (different bathroom lar)… hehe… And then, world cup kick off on Friday… it was a mess on that day… I was in library till 8am… was studying… one of my junior suddenly calls me up and told me about the kick off… OMG… I rush back with one of my besties, XY to hostel and my clumsy juniors was still sleeping… I woke them up… straight rush to XXX restaurant… hehehe… Was a great kick off man!!! Oh yeah… Forgotten about one of my besties’ bf birthday… it was somewhere around Wednesday… she actually went up stage and sang a love song for her bf… Omg!!! It was damn super sweet… And when she came down from the stage, his bf actually hugged her and kissed her… Oh man!!! Super dupers sweet… wish I could get a gf like that… hehe… Stop dreaming, darkangel…^^

The next day, was ACCAconference… It was damn fun… get to meet new friends from different branch college… Play games together… and the best part was when I was chosen as group leader… I don’t want it though, but somehow have to… I always want to see how I actually am if I was a follower… I know I would screw it up… I am so happy that day…

The next day (Sunday~13th June), orphanage visitation day… Emotionful day… Morning itself, I got so damn pissed with the management team… Actually it was my society… Sorry, Fool… I got no choice… I just got damn pissed with you too… I still couldn’t understand what’s wrong with you… And since you are not even talking to me properly to me after I explain to you that I got pissed… But whatever lar… It seems like you are not that one wrong… I don’t understand this girl… Whatever lar… I’m sorry… It’s my fault… Hope you forgive me… haiz… And then, it was a quite important day on that night itself… It was the night where I have to do a table talk meeting with my three girls… I was so glad after that day… thanks to three of you girls…^^ And Fool, I hope we could be ok back…^^

Things were just so fine… Daytime, college and busy… Night time, busy with juniors… My days filled… Recently, I’m too close with XY… I do not know why… She fills my day… She helps me a lot… At the same time, I wish I could help her get through whatever things that she undergoing… I do not know how express my thanks to her… Millions of thanks wouldn’t be enough to thank her… Everyone says it’s hard to find one true friend… Haha… To everyone in this world!!! I found my true friend, people!!!

And then, BBCC again… I do not know why I have to meet her again… it’s not that I don’t like… it’s me getting extremely down… at where, I have to sing a sad song al over again… I see her as my friend… and that’s all… But why in the world, she has to bring this new guy to hostel everytime?? I know I shouldn’t be sad… But I cannot mar... Something in me has to die… Hey you, if you somehow read my blog again… I wish you could go for your date at different place where I would never see both of you k… Get LOST from my life, you tuuuuuuuuut!!! Get a life… (Sorry… I’m just so damn pissed, angry, sad, very sad… it means for no one… I’m shouting at myself)

Overally, I’m very happy with myself… But it’s another Sunday again… I’m at home writing this… It’s midnight… Everyone should be sleeping… And Sunday night is the night I couldn’t sleep properly… Probably because I’m in trauma again… Trauma of things that’s done… Hahaha… I know I can overcome this… I will do it… Hereby I’m darkangel showing my fullest gratitude towards these few people… the three girls especially XY whose being so nice to me and who understand me so much and who always do make me smile for them and they are the one who could make my heart to be happy… No wonder you girls are my number1… second to my new hostel team who I being lepak with… You guys are second people… Love you guys a lot… My kaur as fun to be with as always… Candy, unpredictable as always and the juniors… You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you all gonna make me say who the hell is BBCC when I have you all!!!!!!!!! Thanks buddies…

Q: Darkangel, how do you feel today? A: Happy and touched^^ (3th June)

The second day of interview… hehe… I woke up early in the morning and prepare to go college to interview my juniors as usual… As usual before I go college, I will check whether her car is there not… it was there… It was like a great start… haha… felt like quite boring to go college as well because my three besties went to work… haiz…

After finishing the first session of interview, I went to lecture… It was my only lecture of the day… And somehow it was like the microphone got problem… He can’t teach and class got cancelled… Went to eat with my friends… Hmmmm… Then, went to the second interview session… Had some great time interview the newbies and chatting with my friends as usual… the whole way it was like, I was so relax… No tension… Sometime, I do thought of her and felt happy and sad…^^hahaha… It was like nothing unusual things happened but it was some different feeling in me…

After the interview, I thought my day going to be boring again… on the way, I saw my juniors… We planned to go temple at night… one of juniors was actually want to join college football team… meantime, I and the other junior went to college cyber centre to use internet… I thought of reading one of my besties’s blog… She actually ignored me for the whole day on Tuesday… I can see she got problem and she is suffering with her problems… Hmmmm… I opened her blog and read… I felt so touched… The whole blog, she wrote for me to understand what happened… XY, please stop saying sorry also… I just hope to talk to you on Monday after you are back from work… I do not know why you care for me so much… You do things for me before I ask you to. Eventhough if you got problems, you will never forget my things... OMG!! Thanks!!! Haiz… it’s not enough to write down what you did… But this is from bottom of my heart, thank you a lot for taking care of me like this, XY… I really felt touched… I couldn’t describe how I felt this time either… Thank a lot for that RM3 coins and naruto…

After done surfing nets, we went back mandi then straight went to temple… It started to rain… We went to temple with the help of our umbrella…^^ It was like something new to me... AAaarrrgghh!!! I couldn’t explain those feeling again… hahaha… Highlight of the day was in temple… At temple, I met my kaur… She was there too with her another friend… Hmmm… After done praying, there was some bhajan song played by a group of boys… It was so nice to listen to that… Suddenly, there was an Illaiyaraja song playing in me…. Lol… Just kidding… I saw this girl… she came with her mom… Her mom was a chinese… That even why it makes me look… Hmmmm… not bad… She is pretty… lol… Hahaha… Okok… The whole way we was talking bout this girl… ok… Leave her and continue with our story… I, My kaur, her friend and those juniors around 7ppl all together including us, we went to have our dinner at wangsa…

After our dinner, I actually got to meet my three besties… They all were just got back from their work… Felt bad for not even to talk to them properly… Hahaha... Then, we walk all the way back from wangsa to hostel… The whole way, we had a fun time playing, singing and my kaur was kinda like dancing… lol… Damn fun… When we reach hostel, it was like around 11+pm… All was like looking at us and wonder why we’re in temple so long… hehehe… It was so fun by the way… After change our clothes and put my clothes in washing machine, I and one of junior actually went to meet kaur to get back my laptop… We were talking stories and chatting and making jokes till around 2pm…

I slept at around 3am after done hanging my shirts and after some small emergency… haha… The whole I will tell I was very happy… Sorry because I can’t explain my feeling well in this blog… It was a whole fun day… And as well as touched when think of XY… My hearts going to burst with the overflow thanka to you, XY…^^ Thanks to my juniors, my kaur, her friend (Candy), XY, and those who spend their time with me at the interview room...^^ Thanks all of you… I had a great day…^^

The remake of first semester!!!(2th June)

Nothing much to talk about. It’s all about my immature thinking and stupid anger but the whole way is just like the remake if my first semester of college life… I must try to endure… I know I can do this…

That, I just broke up with my first gf… And somehow, I get to know some rumours about her that she is with this guy… I got so damn pissed and went to find my friend to talk about it… She is my Kaur… I knew her at NS… So, I went to talk about her about this… It was like she can’t even be properly with one… then, what is the point she find a new one… That time I was just so pissed… Hmmmm… Still remember that is where I get to BBCC as well… Hahaha… the entrance of this monkey in my life…^^ She told me to move on and bla bla bla… (All those advice to those who broke up...lol…)

Wednesday(2th June)… I was on my way back from football… Even before I pass through that place, I got strong feeling that she will be with this guy… The new guy she is hanging out with… I never want to know anything about her… but ‘thanks’ to my friends... they will be actually like… Hey, darkangel… I saw BBCC there with a new guy… I saw them yesterday also… I saw her TBR with this guy… I saw her here and there with this guy… lol… Things that can make me feel sad as well as angry… Ok!! Come back to story… As I expected, she was there… And I was actually acted like an idiot and act like I didn’t even know her… Deep inside I was hoping she will atleast said a hello to me… Hmmmm… Nothing happen… She was just beside me with her friend and those guys… I walk as though don’t even know her at all!!! And this feeling seriously sucks!!! OMG… Can anyone answer why I am so dumb??? I enter the hostel and messaged her… I was hoping she will reply because it has been days since last she messaged properly… She replied this time… and haha… She said I wasn’t looking so she don’t want to disturb… lol… I saw her even before I reach that place… lol… this feeling sucks… But the whole it was my wrong… I was mood out after that… I messaged my kaur… I told her what happened… she asked me to move on and gave the same advice again… bla bla bla and bla… lol… It helps a lot… Thanks, Kaur…^^

On that evening, I actually saw her on her new Punjabi suit… the purple one… She was like promise to show me… I won’t forget the time when she actually wants to sew this shirt… OMG… She asked me for more than hundreds time whether she should sew this way or the other way…=.= haha… I was like want to see her with that dress so much also… hehe… Glad that I got the chance see her with that suit… She is still pretty as usual…^^ Keep it up… lol… She probably go temple with the guy that day or dunno what… Should be some occasion…

It was just the remake of my first semester… the difference now is that when I broke up with my first one, she actually did accompany me those sorrow night and listen to me and encourage me but there’s no one who can take over that place now… At the same time, I told myself… Time to forget the past… Time to move on, darkangel… I knew she is just friend with this guy… But something dies in me… Because I used to be that close with her… haha… but whatever lar… everything that happen got its own reason... I shouldn’t even care if she coupled up with this guy as well… It’s her life… And Darkangel, are you so damn free to think about others?? Mind your own business…^^