I didn't know I'm behind it.. Sorry!!

Basically i do not where to start again... Blogs giving me pressure... Hmmmm.. Lots of blog to write... but no time to write... Im writing this because i need to today...

Basically it's about what happen today... I dunno that you went through so much... Im waiting for this day.. Where i noe that im doing wrong... The whole things will be better if you did not cry when you talk to me...

Hmmmm... I do not know what else to say... Just as you say, no one gave you a choice... You got no way to go, no other way to breath, you r blur of what you should do, and you seriously do not know what else to do ady... hmmmmm...

When you say it, i get damn sad... I tot i helped you those days... Now only i know everything is upside down... Hmmmm... I do not wish to say sorry ... It's meaningless for this situation... But thats the most i think i can do... Haiz... It's been meaningful day... I hope whatever you say was abit earlier... Now, we are like at the end of everything... hmmmmm...

But i still couldn't understand... Y after everything only then you will tell... You could have stop me... And not purposely i said dont want to go... I did not purposely act like i dunno... I did not... I do not know what else to say le... I wan to talk to someone about this again... A feel like i did some big wrong... Haiz...

Everything is like a big turn now.. Hmmmm... Just very speechless... I was responsible for that tears again... Btw, next tuesday, i promise others for my presentations and i got notes stuff to do ya... Just dunno how to explain again... DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^

I JUST DO NOT KNOW.... N STILL I DIDN'T KNOW I'M BEHIND IT....

4th week of 5th semester…

Do you know what happen if there are lots and tons of misunderstanding in life??? It brings you down to the hell... That’s what I’m going through now… First four weeks, it’s extremely tough for me… I cannot handle everything by myself… feel like cry out loud… feel like shout out loud... feel like go back home and sleep… feel like let go everything and ran away again… feel very regretted… What I was happy for is what I’m regretting or depress so much now… It’s so damn cool ryte… AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FFIIIISSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! F!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please… I cannot anymore…

I do not know where to start… hmmmmm…

Last semester I had a drastic change in my feelings… This few weeks I got drastic changes in my life… Ppooofff!!! Everything changed… Everything… Hmmmm… First was my assignment group… I hope only few subjects I would want to join other group so that I can know more about other people in my class… End up, I’m totally out of my usual team… It was quite a mess when it happens!! I was seriously pissed… Being so long in one class could not even give and take in important situation… It’s so damn dumb!!!! It was seriously sad not only because I’m out of my team only but also for my fellow friends… Now, I’m out of my usual team, I’m one step away from the three that I always admire… Hmmm… Haiz… Speechless… I don’t like this… I got to start all over again… Hmmmm… Now, I got to be with different peoples… hmmm…

Next was my camp… I was extremely excited that because this is my event… We went to Dusun Eco Resort… I never believe that I and my team actually did it… It’s like the first event in my entire life… I know I need a lot of people to teach me this and that… All around me possibly can give good encouragement… But end of everything, I just feel it would be better if I’m on my own… Everyone around me was so much better than me in experience… So damn better than me… Hmmm… But…. Haiz… I know one thing before I go… I’m alone… all alone… Hmmmm… In the camp as well, I was so damn pissed… I can’t do anything... I felt energyless… Pointless… Especially my dearest WL… Do not know what else to do ady… I wanted enjoy to the max… It comes once in my life time… There is no more first time ady… This first time was ruined again… I ruined myself in front of all my besties… It was second fall of this semester… Hmmmm… Two times… Now, it’s done… I hope I can do it all over again… Just seriously, I want to do it all over again... Please… I hope the god hears me… hmmmm…

This two main event has brought down me a lot this semester… Then, CF… I do not what’s the problem between us… Maybe because I talked too much??? Who knows…? I do not know how to tell ady… Please do mind… I’m a human… Everything you said disturb my mind a lot… I do not know what else to tell ady… You are my third fall of this semester… Hmmm… I’m speechless about you… Just hope you doing good… I do not know what the problem is… N I do not know it is problem or not at first of everything… Just, you are my third fall…

Here comes my greatest fall… My dearest WL!!! Oooi!!!!!!!!!!! What happen to you??? You acted seriously damn weird.. Especially this fourth week… a lot of thing I already tell you… I tot you understand everything that I told you… and I was so glad… a felt like I can depend on someone… A felt like my burden was becoming less… but… but……. I din know that whatever you understand is totally different… I waited this Tuesday like I wanted to see what you want to do… But you know what, you are 360 degree away from what I tot you will do… You became someone that I can’t depend on… I can’t talk to you… Your ego still with you... Mine as well… Hmmmm… What the… Hmmmmm… fourth week, my burden all doubled… My worries doubled… my sadness tripled… I become more and more depressed!!! I do not know what to tell ady… Im dying inside… haiz… Im speechless… let me answer your question first… You wanted to know what is difference if whatever you told on Tuesday will be if you tell it out on Sunday right? Hmmmm… Everything is already explained up there ady… I tot you understand everything and you are alright with everything and you agree with my opinion… I do not want you to change fully without understand my meaning properly… That one message is ruining me and you now… Yeah… You did everything… correct... You are good… Can I ask you one thing?? Where is our friendship now?? There is none of it… WL... Please… I know you are very depressed… Everything about you is so damn sad… Hmmmm… Haiz… I don’t like…. I don’t like your blog or whatever message… I don’t like… Act like normal first… That’s the important part.. You are determinant of everything about me and you all… Just decide it… I’m in or I’m out… Haiz… I know how you feel… you can’t run away from me… I DON’T WANT you be sad because of me… DON’T WANT ah… Hey… I want to talk to you… I want you to understand.. Please!!!!! I can’t write anymore… I cannot write anymore ady… I’m superbly sad… Dun worry it’s not because of you… It’s because I just lost myself… I’m drowning again.. Into a huge dark sea… The sea of tears… Trying to swim up and up…

For once, I wanted things to be good back… And that’s how all went wrong… I wanted to treat you all the same… I want to see you all happy… But everything upside down… I’m very sorry everyone… I’m too pissed… I got no time for myself since first week.. im very much in tension… I got so many things to do... I’m depressed… Under geramji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm…. Haiz… I dun like this… I just dun like myself anymore… Now, I just don’t like who I am… It’s no longer cool to be me… That’s all… Gonna stop writing… When I’m stop writing, you sit just beside me… It was total different than before… It’s not you.. It’s not me and this is not the world I wanted… It’s all gone… Everything in me just flew away… WL, now, there is one thing I’m very very worried of… If you want to help me.. Do this properly… Study for the next week test…I want to c you score flying colours… I want to c happiness in your face again.. As happy as before… as lovely as before… and last but not least… as my FRIEND as before…