Right now, it’s 0357 of a beautiful night of wads the date again… owh ok… 3rd September… I know I got to write this blog… but hahaha… I still do not have the mood to write it… But yeah…I still got to write it no matter what… so many ‘but’... oh gosh… My English is so lousy… hahaha... This gonna be last blog in this page for real… I have my reason for closing this page down… I mean not like closing it or deleting it… this page will stay on… a lot of my memories is in this page neh… hehe… okok… someone reading it probably will be asking why I’m closing down this page… this is because I need a space for me to let out my anger… this isn’t anymore… cuz I’ve been watching… I seriously do need this space for my own… and there is a hint… I will be using some other blog… and I’m not gonna tell anyone about it… hehehe…
Ok… this is end of 7th semester aka last semester… my diploma just ended… wohoo… suppose to be happy but it was indeed a very very sad semester... I would say the last semester was the worst among all other semester… hmmm… all the way, I have to care about things that I never want to care… Things that I never see it as problem… thanks to those who made me feel this way… Emotion… it was an emotion attack… when I think back of these, damn disappointed… why all have to acts this way… I sat down quietly at a corner and I cried… and I even cried to MPP coz of the way it went… hmmm… I am just so sad whenever think of it…
MPP…
Im just so so glad that things between us are so stable now… thanks for your tolerations… I know you’ve been crying as well think of things that happens… But don’t forget you got to be strong yea… you promised me… I already told you my decision for next semester… I told you because you would understand as if compared to others… Thanks for understand me so much… thanks for always being the support for me… ok… I want to stop thanking you ady… if not, I will be thanking you until tomorrow… MPP, there is one thing I want to tell you… You are emotionally not stable… often you get angry and sad before you get to know what the real thing behind… I hated it… cuz often I’m the victim in this emotion attack… I believe you could have just stood down a moment and think and asked for what happens seriously… And yea… lots of lots of stuff happened… we just managed to solve it… u r the only thing that I proud of about last semester, cuz I did managed to explained to you everything before I went back home… and yea… I know this does not mean the entire problem stops here… hahaha… human… the only creature will do mistakes over and over again… I dun like that statement but yeah what to do… hope we can always meet each other and have a big smile on our face and face life as though nothing will be the problem… the confidence that I can take care of everything and that I will face everything on my own… and the facts that we have friends side by side who will support us no matter what shall never be forgotten… As I told you, you are my biggest tree in my heart… I dun care whether I’m or not to you, but I will tell that I will support you whatever stuff that you do… even if one day, we are not that close as today, deep inside I will always support you… Tc, MPP…
Hmmm… ok… now, it’s time to my beloved CEW! Hey you… lol… I dunno how to tell sweet words to you… I told you, it’s just simply do not come out… because do not know y lar… it wasn’t just about dun feel like do so… And as you reply does not make me do so as well… hmmmm… and this happens today when I saw your replies as well… something for sure… I believe we have communication barrier eventhough we communicating in English... lol… I think my English is not good as yours and that’s why I couldn’t understand and feel the way you expressing your statements… hahaha… ok… what to say… almost everything I’ve told you… and couldn’t understand why you always will never understand… asking the same thing as if you do not even know anything but actually I told you all those stuffs ady… hmmm… I do not know what to say… everything will just get me pissed about you… I can’t help on it… because that’s what you always want to do… I still remember that moment that I fell for you… I was so happy and I hope it will last… but hmmm… it never did… yeah… I know at first was my mistakes that I got to settle up so many problems… shall I said sorry? Ok… Sorry for that… you’ve been waiting for me to settle my stuffs… oh god… thanks… that’s was so nice of you… I bet not every gf can do it… thanks lot again… but next is all about our problems… what to say… in this last blog, I wish to tell you more about myself… ok… first, I feel myself is more towards realistic and optimistic person… ok… and a very sensitive… when I said I dun like it, it means I dun like it… and here I tell you I dun like to simply waste time or money… Cuz this is something that is so called as scarce resources for me... lol… I hope whenever we spent time, we do spent some quality time… I remembered you posted in your FB… something like.... I dunno what to talk to you... but i wanna talk to you@ 27 August at 01:09, and one more which was long time ago, you said you just wished to be by my side and being silent and do nothing… It was something like tha… it sounds so sweet… good... I never deny that it was not sweet… but it wasn’t a quality time, baby… as I told you I’m much more realistic than you think… I hope every moment we able to spend, we able to do something that just being hugged… lol… first of all, I do not know why you do not like to be with me when I’m with my friends… you will be like you saw and the next second, you never saw me there Exception to these bunch of hostelians… great… for that moment, I wished a simple HI or HELLO… makes it perfect… never… You want me to spend time with you… ok… no problem… But what we are doing… Nothing basically… You couldn’t speak up in front of me… you want me go for movie… ok… I can just go (if I have money lar), but the happiness is not there if I go with you… because all the way, if I did not talk, it will be just equals to I bring a teddy bear… I booked a ticket for him and I’m hugging the teddy watch movie… very lame… I wish you could speak to me as how you speak to others… ok… this is another of your FB status… In a relationship we should share everything with our partner... not only share the happiness but also sorrow....it will make the bonding stronger and understand each other more....♥@ 26August at 1242… Hmmm… ok… You will never know how much I wish to tell you all my problem and share with you… I’ve seen you how you helped people around you and all… I admired you the way you are… I don’t know how when I tell you stuff it just got to get worst… and it’s like another new problem added into existing problem… and when a person are sad… I hope you able to comfort him/her rather than forcing him to tell what happens... And seriously… even if it’s bf and gf, not everything will be shared… because this is simply the facts of life… no matter you accept it or do not accept it… lots of time, I would just hope to listen you making me calm than making me even sad by asking what happen repeatedly… and as other women are, you are even more emotional… never think before talk should be the best describes you… do not know why… But it just like that… I already begged you not to be so emotionally affected… hmmm… never going to listen… and yea…I’m pretty sure it’s all we’ve discussed of… and I do purposely write again… for you to see it and remember again… you have long and short term memory loss as mine.. ok then… the reason why I asked you again… I remember a close of mine asked me before why do I need to couple up as I already have friends that gives me the best of everything… seriously…I was totally agree with her when she says that… when I need them, they were there for me and for everything but then why is there a need for you in my life… I thought of this question so long… seriously very long… after few weeks, I answered back… and I said because this is life… That’s how this suppose to be… life is adventurous… I will say my friends are serious the best for now but not for always and I do need a life partner… and CEW, I need you to understand this… I take life as a journey… Please refer to notes titled with quotes on life on my FB wall… every single bit of it, I mean it and I love the way it was written… you too scared to lose me… and haha… I will tell you, the more you scared the worst you are… enjoy your life… love me like you will never lose me… talk to me as though I’m your best friend… punch me and pinch me and fight with me as though I’m your enemy… love your life… and yeah… you stop care for me like I do not know anything… and I tell you again… I know how to take care if myself… seriously… and look at you… little bit little bit sick… you take care of yourself first… before you are able to comment or ask people to do so… and yeah… look around and look yourself, you are 18… not 8years… don’t always make stupid decisions… think wisely and care for yourself, woman! And yeah… I know I have a very high expectations as to be my wife… but I believe I already narrowed the scope… all I need is just a woman with matured thinking and know what to do and know what decision to make at correct time… simple to say… a matured woman! I’m sorry for always being busy and that’s how I always be… and right now I already have plans for my next semester… I did not tell you because of certain reasons that did not come into my mind… i don’t know what else to say… although there are so much of imperfect between us, but I do always love you… and you are the only one who can just get me pissed so easily… thanks to be the one… and love you… and this moment, I will tell you this again… I dun care what come next in my life… but the beautiful moment is I have you to always kacau for and fight with… although seriously hate this, but what to do.. This is life… And you… Accept the way life is… dun hold on something to much especially me… and do not ever tell me I cannot… because as I said I dun believe a ‘do not’ word in my life… when I thought of something, I will certainly achieve it… That’s me and how I will always be…
MPP again… As I writing this blog, I get to know your problem… totally very sad… hope everything will get ok fast… seriously hope everything will be ok… Damn… hmmmm… God bless you and whatever your doings always… hope for the miracle… and frankly I need the miracle as well…
Okok… guess gonna be end of this blog already… so damn sad to leave this page… but I got to… Here I would like to thanks t o blacksky-darkangel as it play as me in this page… and for being a space for me to shout out….=) ofr everyone outside there, especially all my friends, hope you all will get good result and I want to see a happy face of everyone on the 15th… I always love you all… especially to DAC5 together 09/10 batch… you guys are the best gift from the god for my diploma life… Very sad that I unable to join you guys for very event… I hate that I having this money problem… F***… hmmm… Whatever it is, hope my dreams will remain achievable… hope that miracles works… a special blessed for MPP!! And god blesses us all… MPP, you can do it… the dreams are achievable!!!
THANKS…
Black Sky
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
LOL!!! i cried again....
STRESSED!!!
dunno what else to say ady... today family problem pulak... whole way since morning ok only... suddenly started... it's like dunno what's the source of these problem... hmmmmm... just dunno what to say... no peace at no where... go college sama, sini pun sama... kadavuley... hmmmmm.... Do not wish to write more... wanna finish up my assignent.... teared when suddenly dad said things to me.... hmmmmm... hope everything goes well next week... seriously die hearted!! wadeva happen just let it be... never been this sad in my entire life.... yet.. still smiling after the cry and told myself..............
DARKANGEL!!! Cheer up... things happens for reasons... Things happens(BBCC's quote)... i will tryto get use to it...=)
dunno what else to say ady... today family problem pulak... whole way since morning ok only... suddenly started... it's like dunno what's the source of these problem... hmmmmm... just dunno what to say... no peace at no where... go college sama, sini pun sama... kadavuley... hmmmmm.... Do not wish to write more... wanna finish up my assignent.... teared when suddenly dad said things to me.... hmmmmm... hope everything goes well next week... seriously die hearted!! wadeva happen just let it be... never been this sad in my entire life.... yet.. still smiling after the cry and told myself..............
DARKANGEL!!! Cheer up... things happens for reasons... Things happens(BBCC's quote)... i will tryto get use to it...=)
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Recently....
Oh my gosh!!! what a life... Hmmmmm... It's been alot alot of stress.... friends, family, studies... bla bla bla.... hmmmm... just alot of stuff... eveything can be just solved easily... but again.. it's human to make things much more complicated..... hmmmm...
I've dreamt anout loads of stuffs... and i certainly believe all was crushed... everything never as i wanted... but what to do.. that does not mean i got to give up.. i got to study and finish all these assginments... and do all these test.. get proper results... study to get scholarship.. study for better work in future.... hmmmm....
before this i so love to come to college.... cuz i can meet all my frens... hv fun with them.. play with them.. study with them... but nowadays... things are all diff... im so wished to be happy with my besties especially WL... but it looks like never gonna happen... Why cant i just get a proper week with this girl.. as how we was before... come on!!! you were my best fren... i know deep inside you are a girl as well... i know about your characters as well.... do you know how much priority i've given for you when i actually not suppose to... do you know how much effort i put in for you to be happy.. do you how hard is it to put on a smile face eventhough i know you are sad... do you know how hard is it when i can't help you when you ada problem! and do you how much do i need a proper week in my life... solution you know is with you... and i know you tried... and i seriously speechless for wadeva it's happening... WL... in this entire sem... i hope we can make one happy week... seriously....
There is no one can replace the you in my heart.. i always talk proud about you although i do tease yoular.. because i understand and appreciate how much you meant for me.. only i know and understand it... there are no one can be like you.. you are seriously one of a kind... but frankly.. you changed alot.. you still do care for me.. i can see it.. but please let happiness flow into ur heart... you are restricting alot of things in your life... but please not happiness... everything in this life is because of our decision... serious... you can mae decision... you can change this... YOU CAN!!!! please... stop crying... understand... emotion is just part of life... please do not make it as your life... cuz you are just affecting people around you... especially me.... i love the way we were and i believe the future will make us as A better person.. WL... Hope we can do it... yang yang... ahbuu....=) AND YEA...an shi ni xi huan ni de ren shi shui?? hehehe.... smile bah....=)
ctw ah... i hope you always doing good... hmmm... about you pulak... dunno wad else to say... speechless... totally speechless... hope when you got things, you talk to me straight.... i do always give us time to meet... it's like i dunno lar... certain stuff you want but never will tell me... hmmm... dunno lar.. i dunno why you got to be so blur... lots of time lar.... and you know we are not using the same hp network... it's shall give us certain limit to talk... as in important stuff... but it's like only that time you got to be so damn blur... hmmmm... alot of stuff i believe you can change, monkey! and please... dont merajuk fast... and dun tell me merajuk oso no point cuz i won't care... i think im doing the good stuff being not care... cuz im not in the state of mind where i can care for everyone properly... i know im a lousy bf... but sorry.. this is who i am... sorry again... just please think better when you do stuff... i believe you are not at your best... i know you are way better in your thinking.... i liked you first of all because of the way you think and do stuffs... but recently quite disappointed... alot of stuff... i unable to tell you straight to face cuz i tend to forget before meeting you and also cuz i hope when we meet, we spend time properly... i do not wish to tell you problems cuz the way you are nowdays as well.. i tell you problem, you get emo... and so wads the point i tell you problem then... hmmmmm.... i tell you problem in a way want you to help me solve it but you are emoing or merajuk sometimes and i do not know why you are like this... and lastly!!! please take care of urself... not a single week i would not listen you complaint for ur stomach pain... oh gosh.... i feel so bad... i couldn't do anything... please do consult doctors or do anything but i dun wan to c u suffer like this... haiz.... take care, sayang... and yea... let me slip properly dei!!! i'm seriously damn tired... if you know i'm slipping, please give me time to rest... lol...
Hmmmm... god... please help me... i hope things will turned all out to be good before this semester ends!!! i want to have atleast a proper, happy one damn week of my diploma 7th semester.... seriously!! i need it so badly.... i hope one whole damn week..i wish to smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please... i need my long lost happiness back to myself...
I've dreamt anout loads of stuffs... and i certainly believe all was crushed... everything never as i wanted... but what to do.. that does not mean i got to give up.. i got to study and finish all these assginments... and do all these test.. get proper results... study to get scholarship.. study for better work in future.... hmmmm....
before this i so love to come to college.... cuz i can meet all my frens... hv fun with them.. play with them.. study with them... but nowadays... things are all diff... im so wished to be happy with my besties especially WL... but it looks like never gonna happen... Why cant i just get a proper week with this girl.. as how we was before... come on!!! you were my best fren... i know deep inside you are a girl as well... i know about your characters as well.... do you know how much priority i've given for you when i actually not suppose to... do you know how much effort i put in for you to be happy.. do you how hard is it to put on a smile face eventhough i know you are sad... do you know how hard is it when i can't help you when you ada problem! and do you how much do i need a proper week in my life... solution you know is with you... and i know you tried... and i seriously speechless for wadeva it's happening... WL... in this entire sem... i hope we can make one happy week... seriously....
There is no one can replace the you in my heart.. i always talk proud about you although i do tease yoular.. because i understand and appreciate how much you meant for me.. only i know and understand it... there are no one can be like you.. you are seriously one of a kind... but frankly.. you changed alot.. you still do care for me.. i can see it.. but please let happiness flow into ur heart... you are restricting alot of things in your life... but please not happiness... everything in this life is because of our decision... serious... you can mae decision... you can change this... YOU CAN!!!! please... stop crying... understand... emotion is just part of life... please do not make it as your life... cuz you are just affecting people around you... especially me.... i love the way we were and i believe the future will make us as A better person.. WL... Hope we can do it... yang yang... ahbuu....=) AND YEA...an shi ni xi huan ni de ren shi shui?? hehehe.... smile bah....=)
ctw ah... i hope you always doing good... hmmm... about you pulak... dunno wad else to say... speechless... totally speechless... hope when you got things, you talk to me straight.... i do always give us time to meet... it's like i dunno lar... certain stuff you want but never will tell me... hmmm... dunno lar.. i dunno why you got to be so blur... lots of time lar.... and you know we are not using the same hp network... it's shall give us certain limit to talk... as in important stuff... but it's like only that time you got to be so damn blur... hmmmm... alot of stuff i believe you can change, monkey! and please... dont merajuk fast... and dun tell me merajuk oso no point cuz i won't care... i think im doing the good stuff being not care... cuz im not in the state of mind where i can care for everyone properly... i know im a lousy bf... but sorry.. this is who i am... sorry again... just please think better when you do stuff... i believe you are not at your best... i know you are way better in your thinking.... i liked you first of all because of the way you think and do stuffs... but recently quite disappointed... alot of stuff... i unable to tell you straight to face cuz i tend to forget before meeting you and also cuz i hope when we meet, we spend time properly... i do not wish to tell you problems cuz the way you are nowdays as well.. i tell you problem, you get emo... and so wads the point i tell you problem then... hmmmmm.... i tell you problem in a way want you to help me solve it but you are emoing or merajuk sometimes and i do not know why you are like this... and lastly!!! please take care of urself... not a single week i would not listen you complaint for ur stomach pain... oh gosh.... i feel so bad... i couldn't do anything... please do consult doctors or do anything but i dun wan to c u suffer like this... haiz.... take care, sayang... and yea... let me slip properly dei!!! i'm seriously damn tired... if you know i'm slipping, please give me time to rest... lol...
Hmmmm... god... please help me... i hope things will turned all out to be good before this semester ends!!! i want to have atleast a proper, happy one damn week of my diploma 7th semester.... seriously!! i need it so badly.... i hope one whole damn week..i wish to smile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please... i need my long lost happiness back to myself...
THIS IS HOW I BEEN RECENTLY AND WHAD I WANT RECENTLY....
Monday, May 30, 2011
Cinema Hero…
All the while, I tot of settling this stuff… Haha… but I was always too clever to make decision on my own… I know I’ve never made proper decisions… Hmmmm…. Things should always ruin… Everyone said it’s impossible… But I was like some cinema hero try to fly when we know that’s impossible... I want to be like cinema hero and solve all those problem all on my own and keep lose track… and now, I know I’m far away from the proper track… lose confident… I believe I’ve fallen… Mentally I’m… But I’d cover stuff as though nothing happen… No one can stop love that flowing in their veins… Well… I tried… It’s not purposely… It was for her to be better… hmmmm… I guess whoever reading this should be blur and do not know what I’m blabbering about… hahaha…
These words keep on haunting me… She said… I’m the one be by her side, I’m the one gave her hopes to stand up back, I’m the one gave her faith in love and now I’m the one taking all back… hmmmm… true!!! Exactly… How could I? These words are enough to kill me… I’m listening to this all this moment… Even now, it’s repeating in my mind… hmmmm… I dunno what else to say ady… feel like put a full stop in this whole stuff… Why I am giving up again? I wanna run away from this whole thing once and for all… but I couldn’t… hmmmm… I cant see her crying… I seriously cant… that was the last things that I want to see…
Wad I will say??? I have faith in myself… I know wad I did was correct… CTW, listen to me… Remember back the whole situation we talk today morning… I meant every single thing!! EVERY SINGLE THING!!! God bless me… I will come back… I hope I’m not just being some cinema hero try to fly… tHis time I wanna show I will fly!! I’m sorry… I will be back… that’s for sure!! Wipe off your tears…
For me, I know I’m behind all these pains… The amount of pain I gave to both side… it’s the biggest sin I’ve ever done… I hope you guys can help me be better… Please… I’ve done my sacrifice… I’m taking this pain all to myself… It’s all my fault!! All mine!!! im crying myself… I’ve fallen in sick… Hmmmm… I never know I was such a retarded… haiz… I’m sorry to both of you!!!
T.T
Loves,
Darkangel
These words keep on haunting me… She said… I’m the one be by her side, I’m the one gave her hopes to stand up back, I’m the one gave her faith in love and now I’m the one taking all back… hmmmm… true!!! Exactly… How could I? These words are enough to kill me… I’m listening to this all this moment… Even now, it’s repeating in my mind… hmmmm… I dunno what else to say ady… feel like put a full stop in this whole stuff… Why I am giving up again? I wanna run away from this whole thing once and for all… but I couldn’t… hmmmm… I cant see her crying… I seriously cant… that was the last things that I want to see…
Wad I will say??? I have faith in myself… I know wad I did was correct… CTW, listen to me… Remember back the whole situation we talk today morning… I meant every single thing!! EVERY SINGLE THING!!! God bless me… I will come back… I hope I’m not just being some cinema hero try to fly… tHis time I wanna show I will fly!! I’m sorry… I will be back… that’s for sure!! Wipe off your tears…
For me, I know I’m behind all these pains… The amount of pain I gave to both side… it’s the biggest sin I’ve ever done… I hope you guys can help me be better… Please… I’ve done my sacrifice… I’m taking this pain all to myself… It’s all my fault!! All mine!!! im crying myself… I’ve fallen in sick… Hmmmm… I never know I was such a retarded… haiz… I’m sorry to both of you!!!
T.T
Loves,
Darkangel
Monday, May 2, 2011
Appreciate and Enjoy Every Moment of Life
To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...
To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
Hmmmm... Quite a nice poem it was... Hmmmm.... This is what i going to talk about... Treasuring stuff what it still with us... Hmmmm... For this moment, I ain't scared if i broke up coz i gonna love her like my beautiful baby princess and love her like all sweet things in this world... for this moment, i wish to be with all my friends and go through cool time with all of them... Hmmm... Diploma life gonna ends... I'm type of do thinks of sad stuff rather than being happy for what i had... Hmmmm... Normal lar... I always thinks about things that i failed... I bet alot of people do admire me and the way I am... Hmmmmm... Serious to say, my life maybe near to perfect... Hmmmm... But there is still something that I always depressed of... Hmmmm... Alot of things had been past tense in my life... But there is a single pain that wish i could stop at this moment... Hmmmmm.... Hmmmm.... Really to say... This problem was entirely abt me... If I was straight forward that time, it would be better... Caring for people was not wrong... But if care too much and crossing limits it's wrong!!! For how much I given to you, sometimes I do regret... Hmmmmm... Everytime, I hoped you learn, end's up it's such a big failure... hMmmmm.... It ends up, now only you want to listen to what i want to say... I read your diary... The more I read, the more guilty I gets... Please dont because of this and you stop posting up... I do want to see how you going through it... Hmmmm... Sad!!!! Depressed!!! You say you need time... Hmmmm... I understand... But time is not for me... Hmmm... alot of stuff I couldnt tell you and her... Hmmmm... Sometimes I get so pissed and want to throw everything away.. but I guess it's not the time to give up ... It's time to stay strong... hmmmmm... Things between me and her gets hard especially comes to you... Hmmmm... It's not about you... It's about me and my decisions... Hmmmm.... I do not know why i repeating my mistakes, it just like alot of thing i got no choice... Hmmmm...And ends up with a very big problem... Hmmmmm... How in the world i gonna explain my feelings to people around me... Hmmmm... the things is not my fault but in the end it's my fault... Hmmmm... I still not use to blame on other people when it comes to a mess that i'm being in or maybe this mess that i created... hMmmmmm... Now that i'm in it, i wish everything can stop... Hmmmmmm.... To you... I'm sorry wadeva sadness that i brought into your life... I still look at it as sweet memories... Please dun go through this moment so hard asthough you are in so much pain... Hmmmm... This moment... i tot of a quote.. It says no pain, no gain... hmmmm.... you are always one of the best part of my life as i always says... tHis do not changes no matters whoeva in my life now... You are the best friend i've ever met!!! I hope none of this thing will ruined our friendship... But when i look at you, now i'm scared.. hMmmmm.... Dun only live in scared of losing stuff, come out from that world and treasure whadeva you have now... Look at the last word from that poem... God bless you... And believe me.. Appreciate your life abit... You ask me to think about myself more, dun only help others always... And you also!!!! The same goes to you!!! For your information, you are worst than me... Hmmmmm... A sincere thanks for whadeva you've done for me... And yea.. I love that jacket alot... Hmmmm... One last thing... Dun find a reasons to start doing something... If you want to achieve it, you should do it now... Time will never wait... I know you tried... I know im talking and thinking only by my shoes... Hmmmm... I know how much you are going through... Hmmmm... Maybe... I dunno what to say leh... Im sorry!!!!!!=(
And to my loved the most... I know you are kinda sad about us... Hmmmmm.... How to say... for certaiN stuff, im very sorry sayang... I promise i will a better man for you.... For how much love that you showed me, thanks would not be just enough.. Hahaha... You are the best thing i ever had in this journey of my life as well... I wan to share every single bit of my life with you.. My life is just so happy with you... Come and teman me in this life, sayang... FOREVER AND EVER LOVE WILL KEEPS US TOGETHER, sayang... MUAX!!!! LOve you dei....=)
And i just want to treasure every single things in this life and whatever i have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.
To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.
To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.
To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.
To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.
To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother
who has given birth to
A premature baby.
To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.
To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident...
To! realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.
To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.
Hmmmm... Quite a nice poem it was... Hmmmm.... This is what i going to talk about... Treasuring stuff what it still with us... Hmmmm... For this moment, I ain't scared if i broke up coz i gonna love her like my beautiful baby princess and love her like all sweet things in this world... for this moment, i wish to be with all my friends and go through cool time with all of them... Hmmm... Diploma life gonna ends... I'm type of do thinks of sad stuff rather than being happy for what i had... Hmmmm... Normal lar... I always thinks about things that i failed... I bet alot of people do admire me and the way I am... Hmmmmm... Serious to say, my life maybe near to perfect... Hmmmm... But there is still something that I always depressed of... Hmmmm... Alot of things had been past tense in my life... But there is a single pain that wish i could stop at this moment... Hmmmmm.... Hmmmm.... Really to say... This problem was entirely abt me... If I was straight forward that time, it would be better... Caring for people was not wrong... But if care too much and crossing limits it's wrong!!! For how much I given to you, sometimes I do regret... Hmmmmm... Everytime, I hoped you learn, end's up it's such a big failure... hMmmmm.... It ends up, now only you want to listen to what i want to say... I read your diary... The more I read, the more guilty I gets... Please dont because of this and you stop posting up... I do want to see how you going through it... Hmmmm... Sad!!!! Depressed!!! You say you need time... Hmmmm... I understand... But time is not for me... Hmmm... alot of stuff I couldnt tell you and her... Hmmmm... Sometimes I get so pissed and want to throw everything away.. but I guess it's not the time to give up ... It's time to stay strong... hmmmmm... Things between me and her gets hard especially comes to you... Hmmmm... It's not about you... It's about me and my decisions... Hmmmm.... I do not know why i repeating my mistakes, it just like alot of thing i got no choice... Hmmmm...And ends up with a very big problem... Hmmmmm... How in the world i gonna explain my feelings to people around me... Hmmmm... the things is not my fault but in the end it's my fault... Hmmmm... I still not use to blame on other people when it comes to a mess that i'm being in or maybe this mess that i created... hMmmmmm... Now that i'm in it, i wish everything can stop... Hmmmmmm.... To you... I'm sorry wadeva sadness that i brought into your life... I still look at it as sweet memories... Please dun go through this moment so hard asthough you are in so much pain... Hmmmm... This moment... i tot of a quote.. It says no pain, no gain... hmmmm.... you are always one of the best part of my life as i always says... tHis do not changes no matters whoeva in my life now... You are the best friend i've ever met!!! I hope none of this thing will ruined our friendship... But when i look at you, now i'm scared.. hMmmmm.... Dun only live in scared of losing stuff, come out from that world and treasure whadeva you have now... Look at the last word from that poem... God bless you... And believe me.. Appreciate your life abit... You ask me to think about myself more, dun only help others always... And you also!!!! The same goes to you!!! For your information, you are worst than me... Hmmmmm... A sincere thanks for whadeva you've done for me... And yea.. I love that jacket alot... Hmmmm... One last thing... Dun find a reasons to start doing something... If you want to achieve it, you should do it now... Time will never wait... I know you tried... I know im talking and thinking only by my shoes... Hmmmm... I know how much you are going through... Hmmmm... Maybe... I dunno what to say leh... Im sorry!!!!!!=(
And to my loved the most... I know you are kinda sad about us... Hmmmmm.... How to say... for certaiN stuff, im very sorry sayang... I promise i will a better man for you.... For how much love that you showed me, thanks would not be just enough.. Hahaha... You are the best thing i ever had in this journey of my life as well... I wan to share every single bit of my life with you.. My life is just so happy with you... Come and teman me in this life, sayang... FOREVER AND EVER LOVE WILL KEEPS US TOGETHER, sayang... MUAX!!!! LOve you dei....=)
And i just want to treasure every single things in this life and whatever i have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
22 April 2011=)
Ok… I was hesitating so long to write a blog… I should have written blogs by now… but it just that, I’m scared… I scared I going to lie in this page… This page supposes to be a page that I want to tell out every single thing in me... A place to let me shout out… a place to rest as well… Hmmmm… For so long, I was scared to write a blog but no longer now… why I got to be scared... Things will be much better if I tell out things… Things always been like that… I know it’s kinda my fault to tell everything out… It just that, I’m scared it would hurt others… Hmmmm… And today I convinced myself that I should not care about other people feelings in this page... This is just for me and me and me…. =)
WL
All these while it is about you that I’m so scared of. I plan to write this blog after I saw your diary… Hmmmm… I believe there are a lot of question marks in your heart. And my dear WL, whatever things that I should tell you, I already done telling you… Hmmmm… Things between us are just so difficult!! WL, I believe you do understand now… It’s just that the way you have been and I have been was so different… WL!!! I do not know what I’m writing here… It’s like full of crap and bullshits… Hmmmm… In this blog I would like to answer few questions from your diary… That I wish to highlight it and explain to you… And yea!!! Just before I explain anything, I wish tell my sincere thanks for the 1000stars, the 50hour prayers, and the prayer with subang fella yesterday (22/4). That was so nice of you… You know what, he said you over-think and over-worried… I felt the same too… I do sense the good heart of you that prays for me to be alright but hmmmm… do not know what to say… Thanks a lot… That does mean a lot to me… Thanks again… Hmmmm... I wish to explain two things from your entire diary… First… “B4 end tis diary, my dear, I’m blur…I do not know wad to do…should I continue pretend bz or msg properly vf u??? I knw u vl happy if I msg properly vf u, bt how bout her??? Hmmm……” This was one part one your diary that I wish to explain… U should know where that line comes from… WL… I told you ady… Stop giving yourself too much pressure… Why do you even need to pretend busy? You said you want give us more time… Bullshit!!!!!! You know I reply you late now days and this is something that you can’t take it… Hmmmm… You just msg me and wait… Like how you sometimes wait for ah Yap… I know I and him are different… a lot of things you don’t give me chances as well… all because you being so “ba dao”… I hope you understand… WL… This thing I believe I told you… WL, in this problem, there is only me and you... There are not such things as she in this problem… I want to make things clear!!! Problem is just about me and you… Why do you even care about what happens if she don’t like? That’s a problem between me and her if she don’t like… We can still be friends as usual… This is what you want as well… And exactly yea!!! Look at me normally… Just that, now my times and I will be more towards her… It still does not change things between me and you… You are still the big tree in my heart… She is not here to replace you… Your place is irreplaceable… And same goes to her… Her place in my heart is a new thing in my life… I’m experiencing a whole damn new thing in my life… The whole new thing is about her… WL, you told me today… You said whatever it’s, please don’t change the friendship between us… And yeah!! I never change anything about it… I know I was abit cold… It was because I scared that I give you more feelings… And I understand now that I should not do that…I think I know better what I should do… Ok? As I said the conclusion is you should have your own brain to thinks what’s best to do… And I should have my own brain to think what I should do also… I hope you clear about this part… Second things, it’s about 27/4… I know you desperately need sometime to talk to me properly… WL!!! I wish to spend some time to talk properly to you… And I’m not scared lar…=.=... I seriously can’t make it the whole day… Hmmm… Believe me… You will get to talk to me and hear things about us before semester starts… ok?? And yeah!!! I still very disappointed with what you’ve done to yourself… I was so xin tong when I saw that… I don’t believe when you do that… Heart breaks when I saw your hand… Haiz… Still totally DISAPPOINTED… That was never the one I know…. Hmmmm… And yeah… about you Aunt… Hmmm… I never thought she will do that… WL… Glad that your dad understands… Hmmmm… Just remember this in your life… Be strong WL…. I will support you always… I know how your mind thinks… Work hard in your life and show them who you are…=) I think I’m going to stop about you here… Hmmmm… Remember… Chill down… When got things that you wan to talk, talk straight to me… And act normal!!! Let’s put a full stop in our problem and you can see me happy as you always wanted… Hope we can be like Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan… hahaha…=)
CTW!!!
Hahaha… That name itself draws a big big smile on my face…=) Thanks were the first word that crosses my mind after I write so much about WL… I know somehow you got to feel uneasy when I talk about me and her all the time when I’m being with you… I can see you tolerate in this thing a lot… Hmmmm… Just thanks, Sayang… Hmmmm… I couldn’t have been through this much without your toleration as well… Thanks again… My CTW… at this moment I am quite speechless about you… but there things that I wants to tell you… CTW, whatever between me and you now was simply awesome… In my whole life, I dreamt about getting a girl that I will love so much... that I will want to show and give everything to her… I’m seriously so glad that it’s you… I’m certainly very sure that I and you going to go very far… I never felt this kind of things before… As I said, the presence of you is like brand new thing in my life… I’m seriously very glad and happy to have you in my life… When it comes to why I chose you, I believe I do not need any reason to tell why I love you and I’m telling that it’s the matter of the heart why I fell for you… CTW… There is nothing much I could describe of until today… I just would tell that… Sayang, I LOVE YOU!!!!! And my days with you are superb… Thanks a lot… Those moment that I get to spend with you was cool and lovely… I think I won’t be writing blogs for you… This will be the last blogs for you... I want to be straight to you and face the entire problem together with you… I want to share and go through my beautiful journey with you… And Sayang, I’m not gonna let you go easily… Basically, I’m not gonna let you go… I’m just so into you… For now, I want to know more about you… Until this moment, I just love everything that you done to me… And hell yeah!!! My CTW, love you so much… I have faith in us and in love again…
This is a message to the world… I want you out there to know that, I’m not gonna fall again and hell yea!!! Once my problems are settled and being better… You can see the rising of new ME!!! I’m going up and up and up… To the world, prepare for a great change… Darkangel is just being great enough to be at the best and at the top of the world… hahaha…=) And I mean it… I’m looking forward for the day to arise...=)
WL
All these while it is about you that I’m so scared of. I plan to write this blog after I saw your diary… Hmmmm… I believe there are a lot of question marks in your heart. And my dear WL, whatever things that I should tell you, I already done telling you… Hmmmm… Things between us are just so difficult!! WL, I believe you do understand now… It’s just that the way you have been and I have been was so different… WL!!! I do not know what I’m writing here… It’s like full of crap and bullshits… Hmmmm… In this blog I would like to answer few questions from your diary… That I wish to highlight it and explain to you… And yea!!! Just before I explain anything, I wish tell my sincere thanks for the 1000stars, the 50hour prayers, and the prayer with subang fella yesterday (22/4). That was so nice of you… You know what, he said you over-think and over-worried… I felt the same too… I do sense the good heart of you that prays for me to be alright but hmmmm… do not know what to say… Thanks a lot… That does mean a lot to me… Thanks again… Hmmmm... I wish to explain two things from your entire diary… First… “B4 end tis diary, my dear, I’m blur…I do not know wad to do…should I continue pretend bz or msg properly vf u??? I knw u vl happy if I msg properly vf u, bt how bout her??? Hmmm……” This was one part one your diary that I wish to explain… U should know where that line comes from… WL… I told you ady… Stop giving yourself too much pressure… Why do you even need to pretend busy? You said you want give us more time… Bullshit!!!!!! You know I reply you late now days and this is something that you can’t take it… Hmmmm… You just msg me and wait… Like how you sometimes wait for ah Yap… I know I and him are different… a lot of things you don’t give me chances as well… all because you being so “ba dao”… I hope you understand… WL… This thing I believe I told you… WL, in this problem, there is only me and you... There are not such things as she in this problem… I want to make things clear!!! Problem is just about me and you… Why do you even care about what happens if she don’t like? That’s a problem between me and her if she don’t like… We can still be friends as usual… This is what you want as well… And exactly yea!!! Look at me normally… Just that, now my times and I will be more towards her… It still does not change things between me and you… You are still the big tree in my heart… She is not here to replace you… Your place is irreplaceable… And same goes to her… Her place in my heart is a new thing in my life… I’m experiencing a whole damn new thing in my life… The whole new thing is about her… WL, you told me today… You said whatever it’s, please don’t change the friendship between us… And yeah!! I never change anything about it… I know I was abit cold… It was because I scared that I give you more feelings… And I understand now that I should not do that…I think I know better what I should do… Ok? As I said the conclusion is you should have your own brain to thinks what’s best to do… And I should have my own brain to think what I should do also… I hope you clear about this part… Second things, it’s about 27/4… I know you desperately need sometime to talk to me properly… WL!!! I wish to spend some time to talk properly to you… And I’m not scared lar…=.=... I seriously can’t make it the whole day… Hmmm… Believe me… You will get to talk to me and hear things about us before semester starts… ok?? And yeah!!! I still very disappointed with what you’ve done to yourself… I was so xin tong when I saw that… I don’t believe when you do that… Heart breaks when I saw your hand… Haiz… Still totally DISAPPOINTED… That was never the one I know…. Hmmmm… And yeah… about you Aunt… Hmmm… I never thought she will do that… WL… Glad that your dad understands… Hmmmm… Just remember this in your life… Be strong WL…. I will support you always… I know how your mind thinks… Work hard in your life and show them who you are…=) I think I’m going to stop about you here… Hmmmm… Remember… Chill down… When got things that you wan to talk, talk straight to me… And act normal!!! Let’s put a full stop in our problem and you can see me happy as you always wanted… Hope we can be like Clark Kent and Chloe Sullivan… hahaha…=)
CTW!!!
Hahaha… That name itself draws a big big smile on my face…=) Thanks were the first word that crosses my mind after I write so much about WL… I know somehow you got to feel uneasy when I talk about me and her all the time when I’m being with you… I can see you tolerate in this thing a lot… Hmmmm… Just thanks, Sayang… Hmmmm… I couldn’t have been through this much without your toleration as well… Thanks again… My CTW… at this moment I am quite speechless about you… but there things that I wants to tell you… CTW, whatever between me and you now was simply awesome… In my whole life, I dreamt about getting a girl that I will love so much... that I will want to show and give everything to her… I’m seriously so glad that it’s you… I’m certainly very sure that I and you going to go very far… I never felt this kind of things before… As I said, the presence of you is like brand new thing in my life… I’m seriously very glad and happy to have you in my life… When it comes to why I chose you, I believe I do not need any reason to tell why I love you and I’m telling that it’s the matter of the heart why I fell for you… CTW… There is nothing much I could describe of until today… I just would tell that… Sayang, I LOVE YOU!!!!! And my days with you are superb… Thanks a lot… Those moment that I get to spend with you was cool and lovely… I think I won’t be writing blogs for you… This will be the last blogs for you... I want to be straight to you and face the entire problem together with you… I want to share and go through my beautiful journey with you… And Sayang, I’m not gonna let you go easily… Basically, I’m not gonna let you go… I’m just so into you… For now, I want to know more about you… Until this moment, I just love everything that you done to me… And hell yeah!!! My CTW, love you so much… I have faith in us and in love again…
This is a message to the world… I want you out there to know that, I’m not gonna fall again and hell yea!!! Once my problems are settled and being better… You can see the rising of new ME!!! I’m going up and up and up… To the world, prepare for a great change… Darkangel is just being great enough to be at the best and at the top of the world… hahaha…=) And I mean it… I’m looking forward for the day to arise...=)
Sunday, January 23, 2011
There goes another semester and another year!!!!!!!!!!!!~love you all lots=)
Another semester… and another year… another glimpse of my eye… so damn fast… Everything just go like normal… I’m getting older… haiz… Why do I have to get old…XD A lot of things happen in last semester… It started like a mess but thanks to WL, she helped me a lot to bring my days back to normal… thanks… before the semester finish, I transferred a lot of movie into my lappy… and I install FIFA2011 and Call of Duty into my lappy as well… And that’s the only thing that I gonna do in this semester break… This semester examination was abit crap… This is the first time I did so many silly mistakes in my papers… Hope I will get all my Aces…hope all my wishes come true… I wanna be a distinction student… Hmmmm… There is nothing much to talk about but I wanna make a summary for some of my loved ones…=)
Goldfish…
I do not know what to tell about this girl except than hahaha… Hmmmm… I can’t make any assumptions yet… and for sure I should not make any assumptions for her because who knows what her problem is… But just hope she can reply my messages as usual and let’s get back as friend… I’m waiting for your return…=) It’s not worthwhile to lose a friend like you… And hey, remember you promise me to go out with you… do not forget…=)
LW…
This guy is another guy in my class that I start to admire of… He does not have any good looking appearance… he might be fat but what I know his heart is full of fats of love and care… He is smart not someone very stingy or selfish… quite a good joker… he makes everyone laugh in my class…=) the most important things, he is now closer to my besties in my class… Kinda jealous by the way… hahaha… sorry… but I don’t mind now... because a lot of thing I feel like let it go by this semester… include two of my besties… I feel like I shouldn’t care about them anymore… Ok!!! Come back to him, just nothing to talk about this guy anymore… he just someone that I admire the MOST in my class… More than anyone in my class… Well… he’s not the smartest but he is the best…=) I love the time we spent together… hope everything goes well for you and your entire life…. All the best, my friend…
My fiancée…
All the while, I was admiring of your good things in you… but just do not know why, there were a lot of mistakes that you do this semester… kinda hate it when I have to mention it… Just don’t like to see you like this… sometimes kinda childish… well… I have to say you kinda changed… but whatever it is. I can’t hate you much… because I used to love you much… you are the first girl that I like and I spent my time with when we came into college… My first impression on you is pretty good… That’s why everything in between us is so good… I can’t show my face to you… I can’t get a reason for that… but well… it’s end of another semester… there is something to tell you… it’s the end of fifth semester… And throughout this whole damn five semester, there is someone who like to comment about me and you… it do always happen to me… one of it is my ex gf… Hmmmm… it seriously gets me pissed… And I seriously don’t like to be compared… Haiz… Whatever it is… after this semester, I gonna let you go… I felt like I’m the only holding you all so tight and like listening to you all and so on… and I guess no need le bah… From next semester onwards, there is something for me to focus on… and yeah, I not gonna care that much of you all… but still from my bottom of my heart, you are one of them that I will always care about…=)
Tachi…
It’s been a sweet semester for both of us… I mean we are better… kinda enjoyed the time I spent with you… All have been good I guess… nothing to say much already… It’s time to you go as well… I do not know why… It’s a feeling… whatever between us is so good ady… and I do not understand why I am doing this… just like, my heart always want to be alone… but when I’m being alone, I hope there’s someone be with me… hmmmm…. Basically, I do not understand about myself either… hmmmm… come back to Tachi… Tachi, I always wanna do something for you… Just something special that I can give you… but till now, I do not know what to give to you… Hmmmm… Btw, you are always the one unpredictable… love you always, Tachi… Hope everything best always come to you… hope you are gifted with a wonderful life… and yeah!! I will always care about you…=)
Vino…
Hey girl, nothing much to tell you… Ur heart is still such a mess… You are confused about so many things… You are weak… But let me tell you… what you are facing are a great competitor named LIFE… It’s ain’t easy… Full of new story and new twist… And you are such a baby to this world yet… And so do me… There is a lot of things we should face… And hope you won’t fall for the second time… Just look at problem cool and chill… Think of it properly… You are still young... A lot of things, you can choose… take your time… think wisely and choose… and remember you fix your life… the law of attraction said what you think, you become… ok… proud have a sister like you… I would love to hear from you more…=)
Loves…
WL…
Hmmmm… hahaha… I do not where to start… first of all… thanks for everything that you did for me… I know you care for me… There’s a lot of thing between us… I spend most of time with you... We fought almost all of time… we eat ice cream and chocolate to cool down… and we always talks to solve our problem… we study together… dinner together, lunch together, breakfast together… hahaha… I could not complain that I’m bored of you because I know you will kill me…xP… We are so closed together…all other perceive that we are couples… but only we do know that we are not… Hmmm… Things between us are so much… Can’t list down everything in here…=) You are the only I can’t let go among everyone… Kinda sad to tell this... Because I always want you to have your own space… get to know more new friends… go do some girl stuffs like shopping and all… But you’ve always failed… if you want to know, I do not like you always be with me as well… because sometimes I got to change my mind of my things just to be with you… I will be thinking a lot about you… I hope you are alright all the moment and hope you are not bored as well… If like this, how could I leave you alone… Even when I go for football, I will want you to follow… I do not know why you can’t understand… And there’s one thing I got to tell you… The more you scared, the more it happens… That was what I learned from the movie “The Secret”… Stop scared about those crap… and live our current moment to the most… Make everyone happy… Do not just stand in your box and see what you’re looking now and always live in there… WL, you have to come out and see more things… I understand how your past life was… but just do not make the same mistake again and again… I hope this blog are not making you sad or what... I just want you to know what I’m thinking… sometimes, there’s not much thing I can tell you face to face... most of things, I prefer to write… So, I write out my heart voice for you to understand… Desperately, I want you to know all these… You are the only one I can’t let go yet… I felt happy for both of the others… Hmmmm… Btw, things between us are too much… I loved all the moment that I spend with you… I am seriously happy for it… and believe me… I’m writing this with my smiley on my face… Sometimes, you can get so adorable and cute… Sometimes, you are just like a monster who wants a fight with me… hahaha… it means annoying… hehehe… you gave spices to my life… Hmmmm… There are still a lot of things I have to talk to you, remember me yea… And yea... I would wanna say a million of thanks for everything that you did for me… Sorry for things that I hurt you… And my dear, stop thinking about what is coming up and scared for it… think about what is going on now… And weyh… I hope for a good talk when we meet… I will always be beside you and support you… You are the one I’ve been thinking so much lately… Just love the way it is between me and you… The good we should make it better… The bad, we should change… You are just the one I am cared of the most now…=) Love you lots for everything you done, my dear friend…=) Hope both of us will always fight and laugh all the time=)
Hmmmm… Yea… I think that’s all… My life getting better… thanks for WL especially… I like the way it is now… And hope it will be better in coming days… I know my life gonna be better for sure… Next semester, after the conference… I’m seriously gonna workout… hope things goes well for me… I know I shall do it…=) What else to tell… I love everything around me right now… Thank god for this wonderful life… I shall not regret anymore… Thanks to all of sweet ones especially my FAMA… love you all lots…=)
Goldfish…
I do not know what to tell about this girl except than hahaha… Hmmmm… I can’t make any assumptions yet… and for sure I should not make any assumptions for her because who knows what her problem is… But just hope she can reply my messages as usual and let’s get back as friend… I’m waiting for your return…=) It’s not worthwhile to lose a friend like you… And hey, remember you promise me to go out with you… do not forget…=)
LW…
This guy is another guy in my class that I start to admire of… He does not have any good looking appearance… he might be fat but what I know his heart is full of fats of love and care… He is smart not someone very stingy or selfish… quite a good joker… he makes everyone laugh in my class…=) the most important things, he is now closer to my besties in my class… Kinda jealous by the way… hahaha… sorry… but I don’t mind now... because a lot of thing I feel like let it go by this semester… include two of my besties… I feel like I shouldn’t care about them anymore… Ok!!! Come back to him, just nothing to talk about this guy anymore… he just someone that I admire the MOST in my class… More than anyone in my class… Well… he’s not the smartest but he is the best…=) I love the time we spent together… hope everything goes well for you and your entire life…. All the best, my friend…
My fiancée…
All the while, I was admiring of your good things in you… but just do not know why, there were a lot of mistakes that you do this semester… kinda hate it when I have to mention it… Just don’t like to see you like this… sometimes kinda childish… well… I have to say you kinda changed… but whatever it is. I can’t hate you much… because I used to love you much… you are the first girl that I like and I spent my time with when we came into college… My first impression on you is pretty good… That’s why everything in between us is so good… I can’t show my face to you… I can’t get a reason for that… but well… it’s end of another semester… there is something to tell you… it’s the end of fifth semester… And throughout this whole damn five semester, there is someone who like to comment about me and you… it do always happen to me… one of it is my ex gf… Hmmmm… it seriously gets me pissed… And I seriously don’t like to be compared… Haiz… Whatever it is… after this semester, I gonna let you go… I felt like I’m the only holding you all so tight and like listening to you all and so on… and I guess no need le bah… From next semester onwards, there is something for me to focus on… and yeah, I not gonna care that much of you all… but still from my bottom of my heart, you are one of them that I will always care about…=)
Tachi…
It’s been a sweet semester for both of us… I mean we are better… kinda enjoyed the time I spent with you… All have been good I guess… nothing to say much already… It’s time to you go as well… I do not know why… It’s a feeling… whatever between us is so good ady… and I do not understand why I am doing this… just like, my heart always want to be alone… but when I’m being alone, I hope there’s someone be with me… hmmmm…. Basically, I do not understand about myself either… hmmmm… come back to Tachi… Tachi, I always wanna do something for you… Just something special that I can give you… but till now, I do not know what to give to you… Hmmmm… Btw, you are always the one unpredictable… love you always, Tachi… Hope everything best always come to you… hope you are gifted with a wonderful life… and yeah!! I will always care about you…=)
Vino…
Hey girl, nothing much to tell you… Ur heart is still such a mess… You are confused about so many things… You are weak… But let me tell you… what you are facing are a great competitor named LIFE… It’s ain’t easy… Full of new story and new twist… And you are such a baby to this world yet… And so do me… There is a lot of things we should face… And hope you won’t fall for the second time… Just look at problem cool and chill… Think of it properly… You are still young... A lot of things, you can choose… take your time… think wisely and choose… and remember you fix your life… the law of attraction said what you think, you become… ok… proud have a sister like you… I would love to hear from you more…=)
Loves…
WL…
Hmmmm… hahaha… I do not where to start… first of all… thanks for everything that you did for me… I know you care for me… There’s a lot of thing between us… I spend most of time with you... We fought almost all of time… we eat ice cream and chocolate to cool down… and we always talks to solve our problem… we study together… dinner together, lunch together, breakfast together… hahaha… I could not complain that I’m bored of you because I know you will kill me…xP… We are so closed together…all other perceive that we are couples… but only we do know that we are not… Hmmm… Things between us are so much… Can’t list down everything in here…=) You are the only I can’t let go among everyone… Kinda sad to tell this... Because I always want you to have your own space… get to know more new friends… go do some girl stuffs like shopping and all… But you’ve always failed… if you want to know, I do not like you always be with me as well… because sometimes I got to change my mind of my things just to be with you… I will be thinking a lot about you… I hope you are alright all the moment and hope you are not bored as well… If like this, how could I leave you alone… Even when I go for football, I will want you to follow… I do not know why you can’t understand… And there’s one thing I got to tell you… The more you scared, the more it happens… That was what I learned from the movie “The Secret”… Stop scared about those crap… and live our current moment to the most… Make everyone happy… Do not just stand in your box and see what you’re looking now and always live in there… WL, you have to come out and see more things… I understand how your past life was… but just do not make the same mistake again and again… I hope this blog are not making you sad or what... I just want you to know what I’m thinking… sometimes, there’s not much thing I can tell you face to face... most of things, I prefer to write… So, I write out my heart voice for you to understand… Desperately, I want you to know all these… You are the only one I can’t let go yet… I felt happy for both of the others… Hmmmm… Btw, things between us are too much… I loved all the moment that I spend with you… I am seriously happy for it… and believe me… I’m writing this with my smiley on my face… Sometimes, you can get so adorable and cute… Sometimes, you are just like a monster who wants a fight with me… hahaha… it means annoying… hehehe… you gave spices to my life… Hmmmm… There are still a lot of things I have to talk to you, remember me yea… And yea... I would wanna say a million of thanks for everything that you did for me… Sorry for things that I hurt you… And my dear, stop thinking about what is coming up and scared for it… think about what is going on now… And weyh… I hope for a good talk when we meet… I will always be beside you and support you… You are the one I’ve been thinking so much lately… Just love the way it is between me and you… The good we should make it better… The bad, we should change… You are just the one I am cared of the most now…=) Love you lots for everything you done, my dear friend…=) Hope both of us will always fight and laugh all the time=)
Hmmmm… Yea… I think that’s all… My life getting better… thanks for WL especially… I like the way it is now… And hope it will be better in coming days… I know my life gonna be better for sure… Next semester, after the conference… I’m seriously gonna workout… hope things goes well for me… I know I shall do it…=) What else to tell… I love everything around me right now… Thank god for this wonderful life… I shall not regret anymore… Thanks to all of sweet ones especially my FAMA… love you all lots…=)
My 2010 birthday…Sweet and sour…
Wow… seriously been long since last I write the blog… And now it’s time… There’s plenty of thing in my mind to write down… very importantly, a last summary for last semester and last year… but before writing that blog, I guess I should write down something about my birthday… It just something different about my birthday…=)
Hmmmm… where to start…=)
Okay… basically, I don’t know why whenever it’s near my birthday, I will have this negative thinking… I will feel like I do not want all celebration, I don’t want anything and bla bla bla… but deep inside, I will hope for everything the best from all my sweet ones… I can’t stop this thing in my mind… it just comes up like that… and I can’t put the blame on me…=)
Just few months before my birthday, I know all my juniors already have their plan to buy me things and celebrate for me… oh yea, I forgot to mention my birthday fall on one of the Friday… basically, I was like damn… why is it have to fall on Friday… why cant I enjoy more…=( And I know my best girlfriend(it is girl + friend, she is my friend) are doing something for me… she’s been acting so weird… and I kinda know she is like doing some video for me…
There was a lot of problem came up between me and her… Just because of this, we always fight… we fought because a lot of nonsense… basically, it’s all because of me... I get mad for small things and it ends up in a fight… first of all, I wanna say sorry to you first… That time, I do not know that you are being in so much of trouble just because you wanna do that video for me… hmmm… thousands of sorries…=(
Few days before my birthday, I lied to my friends that I’m going back home on that Thursday itself… I don’t wish to break their heart… the same time, I do wish so that they won’t be wasting their money to buy stuffs for me…=) only one person knows that I lied to all of them, WL, the best friend of mine that I mention earlier… hmmm…
So, the day before my birthday, I and my best friend spent our almost whole day at college cyber centre… and I know she was with me till 8pm and we went back hostel… she went back her room and I went back my room… I lied again to my juniors that I’m going back at eleven o’clock of the day… the all was quite moody… hmmm... sorry guys… so, just before it were 12am… she called me out… I told out all the truth to the juniors… hahaha… quite funny when look at their faces… Kena tipu… but I don’t mean it… the shocking moment was when WL call me to the middle of hostel… there is a bench… I like that place a lot… nice place to lepak…=( She planned to give a surprise birthday… And it was seriously shocking… The whole day she was with me, but I did not know, how the hell she get two slices of cake, and she even cook for my dinner… and what I know was she can’t cook at hostel… hmmmm… it was seriously shocking… my plans was ruined but I was happy… we fought at the moment as well because of some stupid things… she couldn’t finish up the video… she was totally upset… hmmm… it was not a matter… after that, we call all our near ones to that place, and we had our small birthday party…=) after that, the group gets bigger, another group of mine came there as well… imagine all was sleeping, and we was shouting there… there another junior of mine birthday as well… so, until a part we was forced to play “strip one two jus”… Lucky, I wont it…=) hahaha… Btw, it was getting so noisier till the guard came and halau us back… hahaha… For the whole thimg, I’m sorry and seriously thanks, WL… Love you for that…=)
The next morning, I was peacefully going class… WL lied to me that she could not get up but actually she was trying to finish up the video… so, I went for the early 8am class… I was just so happy on that day… one part of my heart is like wondering how my day gonna be… another part of my heart is like you lied to everyone, and what are you hoping for? And I thought you do not want anything… (That time I was a little regret…) first lecture finish… continue with second lecture… The teacher usually late… All my friends were like: hey darkangel, I thought you suppose to go back… I was kinda speechless… Some really know it was my birthday… wow… not bad… I’m famous… so, after that we got to know the teacher not coming… Im the one usually give announcement in the lecture because I’m kinda like monitor to them.. Something odd on the day, the treasurer of my group snatches away the microphone from me… I was a lil angry... he was abit rough… hmmmm… But the next moment was he announced that teacher is absent and he announced it was my birthday… I was stunned… the whole lecture hall stands up and sang birthday song for me… I was seriously stunned and I was so touched… hmmmm… just thanks everyone…=)
After class, it’s time to go back… Before going back, I had some unfinished job with WL… We kept fighting that particular whole week… I was so sorry to her… Hmmm… I just do not why I’m very sensitive those days… I get mad over little things… hmmm… She accompanied me the whole way back home… We had a real talk… and that time, we hope we will really be ok after that…=) When it was the time back, I just do not know how to tell this girl, how much his girl could mean to me… She was just an awesome girl that I ever know… She has done so much for me… For everything, thanks girl!!!
Went back home, it is a tradition to give what the birthday boy/girl asked… since we were in financial problem, I know they can’t do much as well… I was just hope for the best dinner ever… the men u of the day picked by me… it’s all my favourite dishes… and holly yeah!!!!!!!! It was super duper awesome dinner… Thanks, mom and dad… love you all…=)
So, that was how my birthday was… Super cool… but with a lot of thing sad things… Basically it’s about her… I’m not blaming her… I’m telling… my birthday was full of spices just because of her as well… oh yeah… She gave the video a week after that… the video was so damn cool… and it was another great present she gave me… thanks a lot, dear WL… My juniors bought me an awesome planner… the planner seriously an awesome one… So, yeah!!! Thanks everyone… it was a memorable one…=)
Hmmmm… where to start…=)
Okay… basically, I don’t know why whenever it’s near my birthday, I will have this negative thinking… I will feel like I do not want all celebration, I don’t want anything and bla bla bla… but deep inside, I will hope for everything the best from all my sweet ones… I can’t stop this thing in my mind… it just comes up like that… and I can’t put the blame on me…=)
Just few months before my birthday, I know all my juniors already have their plan to buy me things and celebrate for me… oh yea, I forgot to mention my birthday fall on one of the Friday… basically, I was like damn… why is it have to fall on Friday… why cant I enjoy more…=( And I know my best girlfriend(it is girl + friend, she is my friend) are doing something for me… she’s been acting so weird… and I kinda know she is like doing some video for me…
There was a lot of problem came up between me and her… Just because of this, we always fight… we fought because a lot of nonsense… basically, it’s all because of me... I get mad for small things and it ends up in a fight… first of all, I wanna say sorry to you first… That time, I do not know that you are being in so much of trouble just because you wanna do that video for me… hmmm… thousands of sorries…=(
Few days before my birthday, I lied to my friends that I’m going back home on that Thursday itself… I don’t wish to break their heart… the same time, I do wish so that they won’t be wasting their money to buy stuffs for me…=) only one person knows that I lied to all of them, WL, the best friend of mine that I mention earlier… hmmm…
So, the day before my birthday, I and my best friend spent our almost whole day at college cyber centre… and I know she was with me till 8pm and we went back hostel… she went back her room and I went back my room… I lied again to my juniors that I’m going back at eleven o’clock of the day… the all was quite moody… hmmm... sorry guys… so, just before it were 12am… she called me out… I told out all the truth to the juniors… hahaha… quite funny when look at their faces… Kena tipu… but I don’t mean it… the shocking moment was when WL call me to the middle of hostel… there is a bench… I like that place a lot… nice place to lepak…=( She planned to give a surprise birthday… And it was seriously shocking… The whole day she was with me, but I did not know, how the hell she get two slices of cake, and she even cook for my dinner… and what I know was she can’t cook at hostel… hmmmm… it was seriously shocking… my plans was ruined but I was happy… we fought at the moment as well because of some stupid things… she couldn’t finish up the video… she was totally upset… hmmm… it was not a matter… after that, we call all our near ones to that place, and we had our small birthday party…=) after that, the group gets bigger, another group of mine came there as well… imagine all was sleeping, and we was shouting there… there another junior of mine birthday as well… so, until a part we was forced to play “strip one two jus”… Lucky, I wont it…=) hahaha… Btw, it was getting so noisier till the guard came and halau us back… hahaha… For the whole thimg, I’m sorry and seriously thanks, WL… Love you for that…=)
The next morning, I was peacefully going class… WL lied to me that she could not get up but actually she was trying to finish up the video… so, I went for the early 8am class… I was just so happy on that day… one part of my heart is like wondering how my day gonna be… another part of my heart is like you lied to everyone, and what are you hoping for? And I thought you do not want anything… (That time I was a little regret…) first lecture finish… continue with second lecture… The teacher usually late… All my friends were like: hey darkangel, I thought you suppose to go back… I was kinda speechless… Some really know it was my birthday… wow… not bad… I’m famous… so, after that we got to know the teacher not coming… Im the one usually give announcement in the lecture because I’m kinda like monitor to them.. Something odd on the day, the treasurer of my group snatches away the microphone from me… I was a lil angry... he was abit rough… hmmmm… But the next moment was he announced that teacher is absent and he announced it was my birthday… I was stunned… the whole lecture hall stands up and sang birthday song for me… I was seriously stunned and I was so touched… hmmmm… just thanks everyone…=)
After class, it’s time to go back… Before going back, I had some unfinished job with WL… We kept fighting that particular whole week… I was so sorry to her… Hmmm… I just do not why I’m very sensitive those days… I get mad over little things… hmmm… She accompanied me the whole way back home… We had a real talk… and that time, we hope we will really be ok after that…=) When it was the time back, I just do not know how to tell this girl, how much his girl could mean to me… She was just an awesome girl that I ever know… She has done so much for me… For everything, thanks girl!!!
Went back home, it is a tradition to give what the birthday boy/girl asked… since we were in financial problem, I know they can’t do much as well… I was just hope for the best dinner ever… the men u of the day picked by me… it’s all my favourite dishes… and holly yeah!!!!!!!! It was super duper awesome dinner… Thanks, mom and dad… love you all…=)
So, that was how my birthday was… Super cool… but with a lot of thing sad things… Basically it’s about her… I’m not blaming her… I’m telling… my birthday was full of spices just because of her as well… oh yeah… She gave the video a week after that… the video was so damn cool… and it was another great present she gave me… thanks a lot, dear WL… My juniors bought me an awesome planner… the planner seriously an awesome one… So, yeah!!! Thanks everyone… it was a memorable one…=)
Friday, October 29, 2010
I didn't know I'm behind it.. Sorry!!
Basically i do not where to start again... Blogs giving me pressure... Hmmmm.. Lots of blog to write... but no time to write... Im writing this because i need to today...
Basically it's about what happen today... I dunno that you went through so much... Im waiting for this day.. Where i noe that im doing wrong... The whole things will be better if you did not cry when you talk to me...
Hmmmm... I do not know what else to say... Just as you say, no one gave you a choice... You got no way to go, no other way to breath, you r blur of what you should do, and you seriously do not know what else to do ady... hmmmmm...
When you say it, i get damn sad... I tot i helped you those days... Now only i know everything is upside down... Hmmmm... I do not wish to say sorry ... It's meaningless for this situation... But thats the most i think i can do... Haiz... It's been meaningful day... I hope whatever you say was abit earlier... Now, we are like at the end of everything... hmmmmm...
But i still couldn't understand... Y after everything only then you will tell... You could have stop me... And not purposely i said dont want to go... I did not purposely act like i dunno... I did not... I do not know what else to say le... I wan to talk to someone about this again... A feel like i did some big wrong... Haiz...
Everything is like a big turn now.. Hmmmm... Just very speechless... I was responsible for that tears again... Btw, next tuesday, i promise others for my presentations and i got notes stuff to do ya... Just dunno how to explain again... DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^
I JUST DO NOT KNOW.... N STILL I DIDN'T KNOW I'M BEHIND IT....
Basically it's about what happen today... I dunno that you went through so much... Im waiting for this day.. Where i noe that im doing wrong... The whole things will be better if you did not cry when you talk to me...
Hmmmm... I do not know what else to say... Just as you say, no one gave you a choice... You got no way to go, no other way to breath, you r blur of what you should do, and you seriously do not know what else to do ady... hmmmmm...
When you say it, i get damn sad... I tot i helped you those days... Now only i know everything is upside down... Hmmmm... I do not wish to say sorry ... It's meaningless for this situation... But thats the most i think i can do... Haiz... It's been meaningful day... I hope whatever you say was abit earlier... Now, we are like at the end of everything... hmmmmm...
But i still couldn't understand... Y after everything only then you will tell... You could have stop me... And not purposely i said dont want to go... I did not purposely act like i dunno... I did not... I do not know what else to say le... I wan to talk to someone about this again... A feel like i did some big wrong... Haiz...
Everything is like a big turn now.. Hmmmm... Just very speechless... I was responsible for that tears again... Btw, next tuesday, i promise others for my presentations and i got notes stuff to do ya... Just dunno how to explain again... DO NOT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^^
I JUST DO NOT KNOW.... N STILL I DIDN'T KNOW I'M BEHIND IT....
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
4th week of 5th semester…
Do you know what happen if there are lots and tons of misunderstanding in life??? It brings you down to the hell... That’s what I’m going through now… First four weeks, it’s extremely tough for me… I cannot handle everything by myself… feel like cry out loud… feel like shout out loud... feel like go back home and sleep… feel like let go everything and ran away again… feel very regretted… What I was happy for is what I’m regretting or depress so much now… It’s so damn cool ryte… AAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! FFIIIISSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! F!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please… I cannot anymore…
I do not know where to start… hmmmmm…
Last semester I had a drastic change in my feelings… This few weeks I got drastic changes in my life… Ppooofff!!! Everything changed… Everything… Hmmmm… First was my assignment group… I hope only few subjects I would want to join other group so that I can know more about other people in my class… End up, I’m totally out of my usual team… It was quite a mess when it happens!! I was seriously pissed… Being so long in one class could not even give and take in important situation… It’s so damn dumb!!!! It was seriously sad not only because I’m out of my team only but also for my fellow friends… Now, I’m out of my usual team, I’m one step away from the three that I always admire… Hmmm… Haiz… Speechless… I don’t like this… I got to start all over again… Hmmmm… Now, I got to be with different peoples… hmmm…
Next was my camp… I was extremely excited that because this is my event… We went to Dusun Eco Resort… I never believe that I and my team actually did it… It’s like the first event in my entire life… I know I need a lot of people to teach me this and that… All around me possibly can give good encouragement… But end of everything, I just feel it would be better if I’m on my own… Everyone around me was so much better than me in experience… So damn better than me… Hmmm… But…. Haiz… I know one thing before I go… I’m alone… all alone… Hmmmm… In the camp as well, I was so damn pissed… I can’t do anything... I felt energyless… Pointless… Especially my dearest WL… Do not know what else to do ady… I wanted enjoy to the max… It comes once in my life time… There is no more first time ady… This first time was ruined again… I ruined myself in front of all my besties… It was second fall of this semester… Hmmmm… Two times… Now, it’s done… I hope I can do it all over again… Just seriously, I want to do it all over again... Please… I hope the god hears me… hmmmm…
This two main event has brought down me a lot this semester… Then, CF… I do not what’s the problem between us… Maybe because I talked too much??? Who knows…? I do not know how to tell ady… Please do mind… I’m a human… Everything you said disturb my mind a lot… I do not know what else to tell ady… You are my third fall of this semester… Hmmm… I’m speechless about you… Just hope you doing good… I do not know what the problem is… N I do not know it is problem or not at first of everything… Just, you are my third fall…
Here comes my greatest fall… My dearest WL!!! Oooi!!!!!!!!!!! What happen to you??? You acted seriously damn weird.. Especially this fourth week… a lot of thing I already tell you… I tot you understand everything that I told you… and I was so glad… a felt like I can depend on someone… A felt like my burden was becoming less… but… but……. I din know that whatever you understand is totally different… I waited this Tuesday like I wanted to see what you want to do… But you know what, you are 360 degree away from what I tot you will do… You became someone that I can’t depend on… I can’t talk to you… Your ego still with you... Mine as well… Hmmmm… What the… Hmmmmm… fourth week, my burden all doubled… My worries doubled… my sadness tripled… I become more and more depressed!!! I do not know what to tell ady… Im dying inside… haiz… Im speechless… let me answer your question first… You wanted to know what is difference if whatever you told on Tuesday will be if you tell it out on Sunday right? Hmmmm… Everything is already explained up there ady… I tot you understand everything and you are alright with everything and you agree with my opinion… I do not want you to change fully without understand my meaning properly… That one message is ruining me and you now… Yeah… You did everything… correct... You are good… Can I ask you one thing?? Where is our friendship now?? There is none of it… WL... Please… I know you are very depressed… Everything about you is so damn sad… Hmmmm… Haiz… I don’t like…. I don’t like your blog or whatever message… I don’t like… Act like normal first… That’s the important part.. You are determinant of everything about me and you all… Just decide it… I’m in or I’m out… Haiz… I know how you feel… you can’t run away from me… I DON’T WANT you be sad because of me… DON’T WANT ah… Hey… I want to talk to you… I want you to understand.. Please!!!!! I can’t write anymore… I cannot write anymore ady… I’m superbly sad… Dun worry it’s not because of you… It’s because I just lost myself… I’m drowning again.. Into a huge dark sea… The sea of tears… Trying to swim up and up…
For once, I wanted things to be good back… And that’s how all went wrong… I wanted to treat you all the same… I want to see you all happy… But everything upside down… I’m very sorry everyone… I’m too pissed… I got no time for myself since first week.. im very much in tension… I got so many things to do... I’m depressed… Under geramji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm…. Haiz… I dun like this… I just dun like myself anymore… Now, I just don’t like who I am… It’s no longer cool to be me… That’s all… Gonna stop writing… When I’m stop writing, you sit just beside me… It was total different than before… It’s not you.. It’s not me and this is not the world I wanted… It’s all gone… Everything in me just flew away… WL, now, there is one thing I’m very very worried of… If you want to help me.. Do this properly… Study for the next week test…I want to c you score flying colours… I want to c happiness in your face again.. As happy as before… as lovely as before… and last but not least… as my FRIEND as before…
I do not know where to start… hmmmmm…
Last semester I had a drastic change in my feelings… This few weeks I got drastic changes in my life… Ppooofff!!! Everything changed… Everything… Hmmmm… First was my assignment group… I hope only few subjects I would want to join other group so that I can know more about other people in my class… End up, I’m totally out of my usual team… It was quite a mess when it happens!! I was seriously pissed… Being so long in one class could not even give and take in important situation… It’s so damn dumb!!!! It was seriously sad not only because I’m out of my team only but also for my fellow friends… Now, I’m out of my usual team, I’m one step away from the three that I always admire… Hmmm… Haiz… Speechless… I don’t like this… I got to start all over again… Hmmmm… Now, I got to be with different peoples… hmmm…
Next was my camp… I was extremely excited that because this is my event… We went to Dusun Eco Resort… I never believe that I and my team actually did it… It’s like the first event in my entire life… I know I need a lot of people to teach me this and that… All around me possibly can give good encouragement… But end of everything, I just feel it would be better if I’m on my own… Everyone around me was so much better than me in experience… So damn better than me… Hmmm… But…. Haiz… I know one thing before I go… I’m alone… all alone… Hmmmm… In the camp as well, I was so damn pissed… I can’t do anything... I felt energyless… Pointless… Especially my dearest WL… Do not know what else to do ady… I wanted enjoy to the max… It comes once in my life time… There is no more first time ady… This first time was ruined again… I ruined myself in front of all my besties… It was second fall of this semester… Hmmmm… Two times… Now, it’s done… I hope I can do it all over again… Just seriously, I want to do it all over again... Please… I hope the god hears me… hmmmm…
This two main event has brought down me a lot this semester… Then, CF… I do not what’s the problem between us… Maybe because I talked too much??? Who knows…? I do not know how to tell ady… Please do mind… I’m a human… Everything you said disturb my mind a lot… I do not know what else to tell ady… You are my third fall of this semester… Hmmm… I’m speechless about you… Just hope you doing good… I do not know what the problem is… N I do not know it is problem or not at first of everything… Just, you are my third fall…
Here comes my greatest fall… My dearest WL!!! Oooi!!!!!!!!!!! What happen to you??? You acted seriously damn weird.. Especially this fourth week… a lot of thing I already tell you… I tot you understand everything that I told you… and I was so glad… a felt like I can depend on someone… A felt like my burden was becoming less… but… but……. I din know that whatever you understand is totally different… I waited this Tuesday like I wanted to see what you want to do… But you know what, you are 360 degree away from what I tot you will do… You became someone that I can’t depend on… I can’t talk to you… Your ego still with you... Mine as well… Hmmmm… What the… Hmmmmm… fourth week, my burden all doubled… My worries doubled… my sadness tripled… I become more and more depressed!!! I do not know what to tell ady… Im dying inside… haiz… Im speechless… let me answer your question first… You wanted to know what is difference if whatever you told on Tuesday will be if you tell it out on Sunday right? Hmmmm… Everything is already explained up there ady… I tot you understand everything and you are alright with everything and you agree with my opinion… I do not want you to change fully without understand my meaning properly… That one message is ruining me and you now… Yeah… You did everything… correct... You are good… Can I ask you one thing?? Where is our friendship now?? There is none of it… WL... Please… I know you are very depressed… Everything about you is so damn sad… Hmmmm… Haiz… I don’t like…. I don’t like your blog or whatever message… I don’t like… Act like normal first… That’s the important part.. You are determinant of everything about me and you all… Just decide it… I’m in or I’m out… Haiz… I know how you feel… you can’t run away from me… I DON’T WANT you be sad because of me… DON’T WANT ah… Hey… I want to talk to you… I want you to understand.. Please!!!!! I can’t write anymore… I cannot write anymore ady… I’m superbly sad… Dun worry it’s not because of you… It’s because I just lost myself… I’m drowning again.. Into a huge dark sea… The sea of tears… Trying to swim up and up…
For once, I wanted things to be good back… And that’s how all went wrong… I wanted to treat you all the same… I want to see you all happy… But everything upside down… I’m very sorry everyone… I’m too pissed… I got no time for myself since first week.. im very much in tension… I got so many things to do... I’m depressed… Under geramji!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmm…. Haiz… I dun like this… I just dun like myself anymore… Now, I just don’t like who I am… It’s no longer cool to be me… That’s all… Gonna stop writing… When I’m stop writing, you sit just beside me… It was total different than before… It’s not you.. It’s not me and this is not the world I wanted… It’s all gone… Everything in me just flew away… WL, now, there is one thing I’m very very worried of… If you want to help me.. Do this properly… Study for the next week test…I want to c you score flying colours… I want to c happiness in your face again.. As happy as before… as lovely as before… and last but not least… as my FRIEND as before…
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
I’m a bad guy…(13/09/10)
It was around 2am… I haven’t slept… A lot of things running in my mind… One thing for sure… It’s all about memories… I was lying on my bed… Sometimes smile at myself… Sometimes, got angry of myself and asked myself why not I do something better… hmmmm… And then, I was checking all the picture in my handphone… Something was just missing… Her picture… BBCC… A feeli like to look back all our picture… But all those picture is inside my laptop… Was lazy to switch on my lappy… Slowly, I slept off…
Woke up at 1pm… My sweet friend woke me up… Her message woke me up… I slept so long… Hmmmm… It’s another boring day… Quite unusual day… It’s her I think about again… Hmmmm… I told myself to look at files later on… Then, I was quite busy… Quite a lot of things come up… So, for a while i had forgotten about her… I went for my first football in this semester break… I help my sisters in her studies… At around 1am(the next day), I lay down on my bed again and watched the very first harry potter movie… I was on my bed with my lappy… The movies finish around 3am++… Couldn’t sleep… She comes into my mind again… Hmmmm… I open the files again after so long I didn’t thought of opening it… I look through all those picture… It’s like it was once upon a time it happened in my life… I didn’t noe I recovered so much faster if compared to my first one… Quite happy for that… Olden day’s things just came back in my mind… A feeling of hatred all over in my heart… Especially when I thought of the first semester… And I learned about one thing that day… People remember only negative part of others… They never remember what has others helped us in those days… Humans… Another poor minded creature… well… I’m one of it… I can’t help it… After that, I open all those conversation that I saved in lappy … I still remember that I only saved few conversations that make me looked bad… I did that for purpose… Because I do not want to think bad about her or specifically I want to make myself look like bad guy… hahaha… Yea… I read back all those conversations… It’s like I do not know why I was so angry those days till I talked like to her… Hmmmm… I felt like I am a bad guy though… And today, I felt like apologize again… So, here I am to say sorry again… People’s heart changes… My heart is softening back… Thus, I’m sorry… And I saw one of our conversations…. It goes like this… “If one day I know I was wrong, I shall not or must not even think of going back”… That’s what I told…. Hmmmm… And now, I’m still with the same mind… I won’t even think of going back… There is no way I will wanna think of going back… This is what I chose... Even though I’m bad, this is what I want… And THAT’s IT!!!!
Woke up at 1pm… My sweet friend woke me up… Her message woke me up… I slept so long… Hmmmm… It’s another boring day… Quite unusual day… It’s her I think about again… Hmmmm… I told myself to look at files later on… Then, I was quite busy… Quite a lot of things come up… So, for a while i had forgotten about her… I went for my first football in this semester break… I help my sisters in her studies… At around 1am(the next day), I lay down on my bed again and watched the very first harry potter movie… I was on my bed with my lappy… The movies finish around 3am++… Couldn’t sleep… She comes into my mind again… Hmmmm… I open the files again after so long I didn’t thought of opening it… I look through all those picture… It’s like it was once upon a time it happened in my life… I didn’t noe I recovered so much faster if compared to my first one… Quite happy for that… Olden day’s things just came back in my mind… A feeling of hatred all over in my heart… Especially when I thought of the first semester… And I learned about one thing that day… People remember only negative part of others… They never remember what has others helped us in those days… Humans… Another poor minded creature… well… I’m one of it… I can’t help it… After that, I open all those conversation that I saved in lappy … I still remember that I only saved few conversations that make me looked bad… I did that for purpose… Because I do not want to think bad about her or specifically I want to make myself look like bad guy… hahaha… Yea… I read back all those conversations… It’s like I do not know why I was so angry those days till I talked like to her… Hmmmm… I felt like I am a bad guy though… And today, I felt like apologize again… So, here I am to say sorry again… People’s heart changes… My heart is softening back… Thus, I’m sorry… And I saw one of our conversations…. It goes like this… “If one day I know I was wrong, I shall not or must not even think of going back”… That’s what I told…. Hmmmm… And now, I’m still with the same mind… I won’t even think of going back… There is no way I will wanna think of going back… This is what I chose... Even though I’m bad, this is what I want… And THAT’s IT!!!!
4th semester break^^
It is semester break again… Physically everything seems normal… It’s fourth times I brought my exam slip inside exam hall and do finish the damn paper to ensure I achieve my freedom… Ooops… It is boredom… Hmmmm… A lot of things had happened… Everything changes… Yeah of course!!! Things changes as human changes… But the abnormal things are it is a 3 month drastic changes… hmmmm… guess things have to just be like that… one thing for sure… I cannot describe anything about my feeling… It’s also undergoing a drastic change… Every moment, it gives different feeling… There was none of the day that I can be happy the all day… Something sure comes up… I was lying to my friends and most importantly myself… Well!! I can’t help myself… Even now, I’m having a headache… I do not know what to write but I got a lot of things to be expressed out… hmmmm…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
Early of this semester, It was a relationship problem… I suffered for few months… It’s was a time where my friends came out to help me… After that, friendship problem came across my life… The problem is still the same… Aaarghh!!! Tension… Why things have to be like this… My only problems are still these girls… Make my life so messy… Sorry for that female species… I do not want to say that… Relationship and even friendship… Great!!! Wonder wouldn’t it would be better if I was all alone in this world?? Hmmmm… Impossible!! I knew I need friends but haiz…
BBCC
BBCC is just gone from my life… She is just not in list anymore… You are officially blacklisted!!! My friends do make me feel that I do not need you anymore… Actually, I wanted to let things go and talk to her after some while… Thanks to her… She makes it impossible… I do not know why she has to do this… Things must always goes on her way… And yet she still talks about why I couldn’t act nice to her… And OMG!!! I need a list from her to tell me about how I suppose to act in front of her… After all the fight, I got to receive message of sorry… Lame!! Why do you even need to start…? And yeah!!! I’m extremely disappointed to you… You told me you want to study… Hahaha… Last minutes are still your style… Hope you feel sorry for talking great… Hope your brother and your new boyfriend is there to support you… Good luck in your life… Maybe my hearts will find you because I can’t lie to myself that I do not know you… God bless you… Especially your mom… Hope she is doing great… Hope everything goes fine in your life…
Ta-chi
Hey cute voice… A lot of things that I should have tell you… But I didn’t do that… Probably, I’m still pissed!! First thing, I’m seriously very sorry for ignore you… And I think I will continue to ignore you… Do not angry on me because this is what you chose… don’t tell me I didn’t come to talk to you… Before everything gets worse, I tried a lot of time to talk to you (mostly in msn)… But your feedback is just what make me got pissed… That’s even where you told me not to care about you… Hmmmm… I tried and I gave up…. First of all, why you have to do this?? And seriously I hate your emoness… One day, you will be damn emo… The other day, you will be okay again… Please don’t live by your feelings… I’ve been die-hearted… It’s was a very long gap since the last time you called me ta-chi… I want to hear it from you again… Hmmmm… I do not why before the last exam you bought me sweet… I do not want to take it… You left it there and I have to take it… Hmmmm… I messaged you a thanks message… Hmmm… You called me ta-chi… That time, I smiled… I couldn’t believe it was you… It was a quite long smile… But the next moment, the smile just fades… Because I know this things won’t last… haiz… When you cried after FA paper, I wish I was beside you to make you feel better… I miss you as my old friend, I do not like the way you are now… I know you got a lot of problem but problem is part of life ar… I hope you won’t make problem as your life… Seriously, I’m looking back for you………
Watermelon lover…
It’s just one semester time, we’ve been very close… A friend like you is just one of a kind in this world… Hmmmm… all the way, you change my feelings… you have been the determinant of my feelings… So, I wish you know… You got to change a lot!!! Seriously damn a lot… I spent almost 75% of semester time with you… Aaargh… Bored of the same person… hahaha… just kidding… Thanks a lot to help me endure at the early of my semester… I appreciated it a lot… You try to help me and you wanted to make me feel better… And that why you always accompany me… thanks to you… I would have been so alone… I can’t imagine what I’ve done… Hmmmm… Just a millions of thanks… And that might not even enough… Hmmmm… Hey… Thanks once more… Basically, I hope you will change… You are very weak now… I’m sorry to make you depend on me so much… Hmmmm… And yea… one last thing, you can stop trying to figure out how I think because I myself couldn’t get an answer for that… At the same time, you make me understand about myself more too… thanks… And watermelon lover, there are still a lot of things in this world that you have to know… You get emo fast now days… You make me pissed quite a lot of times… I do not like when you show face to me… And I Hope to see you happy all the time… And you got to know that a problem is a problem when you see it as a problem… So, take problem easily and I know you manage the problem… I’m not telling that I won’t be beside you… But I’m telling that I’m always being beside you but you should know how to manage it yourself… okay?? Watermelon lover, the memories that we create in this four month is just too much… lolz… I can’t get my eyes out from those pictures… Thanks again… There is my very own wish that I want to ask you for the future… A strong girl… That’s all… Hmmmm… Before I end this part, Watermelon lover, I cared for you the most… I wish to see the change in you… And don’t live by feelings as well…^^ Hmmmm… The day when I go back, you are the only one I don’t even feel like I’m leaving you behind… Because I know the whole semester break you will teman me… I wasn’t that sad after all…^^ Thanks for everything, you monkey…
Fiancee…
All this while, I’ve been admiring you for what you do and everything… Hahaha… You are perfect as always… You are the only one I won’t seriously care about... Because I know you can manage yourself… Hmmmm… Yeah!!! Seriously, I do not like the part where you break up with your boyfriend… That’s the only thing that i was so much unsatisfied with… I mean you are just like care for your own feeling… Hmmmm… I hate that part…. But anyhow, things just happened… I know you got problems… And hey!!! You can always find me… Hmmmm…Why you are hesitating for that??? When that day you message me like that, I felt like you’ve changed also… Hmmmm… Oh my dear fiancée, I believe I do not need to care about you… Because I know you are as awesome as always… And about your studies, I admire the way you studied in first semester… You change but don’t change a lot please… Because you are someone with good things but if you change… POOOOFFF!!! It’s all gone… God bless you with everything that you do… You ask me whether I will support you on everything or not… And my answer will be hell yeah…^^
Juniors…
Hmmmm… Basically, I’m speechless about you guys… Funny, cool and whatever best things…. And I feel cool to be your seniors… lol… People often ask why I ask always hang out with juniors… My answer is who else I got if go back to hostel?? Hmmmm… 1whole semester… WE study together, sleep together even sometime bath at the same time, eat together, football, and care for each other, uno together… Hmmmm… Awesome time we had… This is my first time my hostel life changes… For one year, I was so alone… And this is first time, when I said I want to go back home for the semester break, you guys shook my hand and hug me before I go back… Hmmm… Pretty sad!!! IT was a feeling like I’m being cared… Thanks to all of you… Sorry if I did anything wrong guys…^^
Goldfish…
Sometime I do not know what I’m doing… The feeling towards her is just not growing… I feel like go all the way for you… Hmmm… This is not the time… Let’s wait till your final finish… If we are still good, then, we can think about it… But for now, I’m closing our chapter… But the existence of you, make me feel more lovable and yeah I do like you for the way you are when you proposed to me… A remembrance for you, let time to decide… I’m not going to make any decision for now… But I won’t deny that you make me think a lot about you… I will wait if you are ok with everything…^^ that’s it…^^
Hmmmmm…… A lot of thing is just happening… Hahaha… I think I started to learn how to manage it… It’s good… Probably this is what we called as essence of life… Life is a big experience and a big thrill…^^ Things just not in our way… Hmmmm… Well… I can hope but things won’t always come as my wish… For me, I just don’t want to care for a thing… ant to just let thing go its way… I’m lazy to think about it… Kinda worry about next semester… My camp things… The night things… my studies… Problems… Financially… My tummy could explain what I meant by financial…^^ Well!!! I could just hope… Life with full of hope… Think of going back school… but no point… What I’m going to do there… Everybody got their own life and preparing for exam… Hmmmm… Maybe I will go for the NS reunion and go out for some movies with friends and do some job to get some money…^^ Plan is done… I think I should start the execution part… This semester break isn’t gonna be so bored… I got a lot of things to look back and learn…^^ Let’s learn… The education of life…^^ YYYEEEEAAAHHH!!!! Another new journey…
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
WHY things have to be like this????(16/8/10)
A very very bad start for this week... Last Sunday and Saturday... I make up my mind that this week my ultimate is not that i have to revise my studies or i'm must finish my society thing but to make my sweet best friend to have some happy moments together especially this Thursday!!! But things always doesn't come our way... haiz...
On the first day itself... everything went wrong... Basically it's about the noob LRT service again... Aaaarrrggghhh! Lazy to talk about it... It was a total bad day... being ignored by the close ones... that day, after i reach my room something very bad happen... After a long bad day, i came into room... I put down my bag... I lie down on my bed... Just a moment before i lie down... The heart-shaped phone chain thing which was a present from her broke down and fall off to the ground... Oh my god!!!!!! I took care of the thing like my own baby.... That moment was superbly sad... I couldn't do anything... It was so sad... Haiz.... That moment i couldn't think of anything else except her... Things never been this worse ryte???? The heart fallen day... extremely sad...
To my dear friend... I do not know what to tell... Everything seems wrong today... I don't wanna argue about it... And HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks yea... For everything... I make me pissed... but only for that moment... After that, everything is alright... I just hope you will be OK and of cos help me on this Thursday ultimate goal...^^ OK??? Hehe... and help me in my studies yea... I need help on my MAF!!!!!!!!! Millions of thanks wouldn't be enough for you... hmmmmm.... But just thanks, my dear friend...^^
On the first day itself... everything went wrong... Basically it's about the noob LRT service again... Aaaarrrggghhh! Lazy to talk about it... It was a total bad day... being ignored by the close ones... that day, after i reach my room something very bad happen... After a long bad day, i came into room... I put down my bag... I lie down on my bed... Just a moment before i lie down... The heart-shaped phone chain thing which was a present from her broke down and fall off to the ground... Oh my god!!!!!! I took care of the thing like my own baby.... That moment was superbly sad... I couldn't do anything... It was so sad... Haiz.... That moment i couldn't think of anything else except her... Things never been this worse ryte???? The heart fallen day... extremely sad...
To my dear friend... I do not know what to tell... Everything seems wrong today... I don't wanna argue about it... And HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks yea... For everything... I make me pissed... but only for that moment... After that, everything is alright... I just hope you will be OK and of cos help me on this Thursday ultimate goal...^^ OK??? Hehe... and help me in my studies yea... I need help on my MAF!!!!!!!!! Millions of thanks wouldn't be enough for you... hmmmmm.... But just thanks, my dear friend...^^
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The day I ran away from problem!!
Hmmm… It’s been so weird… The whole day I wasn’t so good… I feel something bad… This more toward to my sixth sense… A lot of problems in my mind… I couldn’t get a way to settle down with my problems. It’s just a problem. I took it easy as usual… In a way it was cool… I kept on thinking about it that day… Nothing about BBCC…^^ Hmmmm… Out of a sudden, my dad called me asks me whether want to go back home not… it was abit unusual if I go back on that day… it was Tuesday… I used to go back on weekend… and I usually think a lot to go back… I did went back...
This was what happens when I start to think a lot… On the way back, I felt I’m like running away from the entire problem… My reason to go back was just to go back home to get a proper sleep… Noobnya!!! And the coolest part among all of it on the day was I couldn’t even get to sleep properly… Although I slept for quite a long hour(it was enough for me), my eyes simply was just too tired… Hmmm… My mom woke me up… She asked quite a lot of questions for why I came back and everything… Hmmmm… Mom, I do not how answer your entire question… I do love you all deep inside…^^
Come to my problem part…. I always don’t like to tell out my problems because I do not wish people to see I cannot handle my problem… at the same time, I can handle this entire problem… Everything is hjust because time…. Time is my biggest enemy for now… First, my studies… my assignment and studies… My accounts papers, tax, entrepreneurship, and finance!!! My time is just not enough for me to finish it up… second, society… My camp things… I’m like abit scared to let my friends to do it… It make worry when we didn’t get the reply from the camp management… Not enough time lor… I must finish it end of this month… AAAARGH!!!!! Third, Friendship… Not a very big problem… It’s just one of them out of so many friends of mine… Hope the way you think can make you feel ok… In my eyes, you are just a failure… And I’m superbly sad for how you are thinking… Good if you are okay! God bless you, friend!! And lastly, me!!! This few days, I’m like so blur in everything… Hmmmm… My test results weren’t as I expected… SXXT… I’m worried… at the same time, I’m not worried… Haiz… I do not know… But whatever it is… My problems will be solved… I will be okay… just fine… God bless me… Hmmm… Yeah… Forget to tell how I felt the whole day… I was very happy in the way of sad…^^
End of this post…~^^~
V(^@^)V
This was what happens when I start to think a lot… On the way back, I felt I’m like running away from the entire problem… My reason to go back was just to go back home to get a proper sleep… Noobnya!!! And the coolest part among all of it on the day was I couldn’t even get to sleep properly… Although I slept for quite a long hour(it was enough for me), my eyes simply was just too tired… Hmmm… My mom woke me up… She asked quite a lot of questions for why I came back and everything… Hmmmm… Mom, I do not how answer your entire question… I do love you all deep inside…^^
Come to my problem part…. I always don’t like to tell out my problems because I do not wish people to see I cannot handle my problem… at the same time, I can handle this entire problem… Everything is hjust because time…. Time is my biggest enemy for now… First, my studies… my assignment and studies… My accounts papers, tax, entrepreneurship, and finance!!! My time is just not enough for me to finish it up… second, society… My camp things… I’m like abit scared to let my friends to do it… It make worry when we didn’t get the reply from the camp management… Not enough time lor… I must finish it end of this month… AAAARGH!!!!! Third, Friendship… Not a very big problem… It’s just one of them out of so many friends of mine… Hope the way you think can make you feel ok… In my eyes, you are just a failure… And I’m superbly sad for how you are thinking… Good if you are okay! God bless you, friend!! And lastly, me!!! This few days, I’m like so blur in everything… Hmmmm… My test results weren’t as I expected… SXXT… I’m worried… at the same time, I’m not worried… Haiz… I do not know… But whatever it is… My problems will be solved… I will be okay… just fine… God bless me… Hmmm… Yeah… Forget to tell how I felt the whole day… I was very happy in the way of sad…^^
End of this post…~^^~
V(^@^)V
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Blur-ing moment of my life!! Decision time, Goldfish!!
Oh gosh… A simple thing that could get my life alive back… Couldn’t believe that I am so lovable…=.= I’m not going to do flashback of stories between us in this blog… It’s gonna be short and sweet…
I get to go back my beloved alma mater (secondary school) to attend prefect’s family day… This event actually does call back all the seniors to go back school and have some fun…^^ The whole event was superb… Everything was all perfect until I get a shocking message from my junior-Goldfish the next day… Oh my god… You made me speechless… And now itself, I do not know where to start…
Ooi, you made my day happy back... That is something for sure… At the same time, you make me feel so messed up… And I never had been this blur... Thank you… It’s something very new… I’m laughing at myself… I do not know how to explain here… Haha… Hey… I still can’t get why I am thinking about it so much… I’m asking my best friends about this thing… As in whether should or should not?
And somehow, this is my decision…. Goldfish… I do like you… I gonna do my best for you… And listen… I don’t want get a correct girl at the wrong time… You are a correct girl but I kinda feel like it’s wrong time… At the same time, I don’t want to lose you… I need to know how you feel right now… And then, we get to know each other more and better… The love has to be there… As I said before, the feelings have to be there… I need something more from you… Maybe we should go for some date together and learn about each other more… how if suddenly you don’t like me? Anything can happen… Read through my blog and you will understand why I say this… I want a long relation… I’m just scared to be committing in another relation… I know I could say a yes now itself to you… But what is the point if I don’t feel it? You get me? I want you to be straight to me… Tell me if anything… I want to know what you think… As I said, I do always respect girls’ decision… By the way you message me, you seem to be far more mature but I feel like you still underestimating the future… I want you think again for better… I am promising my best for you… And can you do that too? That’s all I want to know… I’m not telling time will make the decision but I’m telling we will be good in time… it's confidence... if you dun understand message me… ok?
Goldfish… The more I think about you, you could just get so much adorable… I do not understand why… I got to talk to you or atleast meet you… I could only hope things will get good between us… And seriously, you are different if I compare to both of the ex gf… It keeps me strong that I gonna love you more… And yeah!! I would be waiting for your final decision… It’s all on your words now… I promise to give my best… We need time… We do really need time… Are you ok with what I say? I would be waiting for your message after you read this… Do reply me… Thanks…
I get to go back my beloved alma mater (secondary school) to attend prefect’s family day… This event actually does call back all the seniors to go back school and have some fun…^^ The whole event was superb… Everything was all perfect until I get a shocking message from my junior-Goldfish the next day… Oh my god… You made me speechless… And now itself, I do not know where to start…
Ooi, you made my day happy back... That is something for sure… At the same time, you make me feel so messed up… And I never had been this blur... Thank you… It’s something very new… I’m laughing at myself… I do not know how to explain here… Haha… Hey… I still can’t get why I am thinking about it so much… I’m asking my best friends about this thing… As in whether should or should not?
And somehow, this is my decision…. Goldfish… I do like you… I gonna do my best for you… And listen… I don’t want get a correct girl at the wrong time… You are a correct girl but I kinda feel like it’s wrong time… At the same time, I don’t want to lose you… I need to know how you feel right now… And then, we get to know each other more and better… The love has to be there… As I said before, the feelings have to be there… I need something more from you… Maybe we should go for some date together and learn about each other more… how if suddenly you don’t like me? Anything can happen… Read through my blog and you will understand why I say this… I want a long relation… I’m just scared to be committing in another relation… I know I could say a yes now itself to you… But what is the point if I don’t feel it? You get me? I want you to be straight to me… Tell me if anything… I want to know what you think… As I said, I do always respect girls’ decision… By the way you message me, you seem to be far more mature but I feel like you still underestimating the future… I want you think again for better… I am promising my best for you… And can you do that too? That’s all I want to know… I’m not telling time will make the decision but I’m telling we will be good in time… it's confidence... if you dun understand message me… ok?
Goldfish… The more I think about you, you could just get so much adorable… I do not understand why… I got to talk to you or atleast meet you… I could only hope things will get good between us… And seriously, you are different if I compare to both of the ex gf… It keeps me strong that I gonna love you more… And yeah!! I would be waiting for your final decision… It’s all on your words now… I promise to give my best… We need time… We do really need time… Are you ok with what I say? I would be waiting for your message after you read this… Do reply me… Thanks…
Monday, June 21, 2010
Past few weeks (7th June-20thJune)
Woh! It’s been so long since the last time I blogged… Seriously been very busy… Haha… but somehow I love it man… Start from 7th June, we had a fundraising activity… It’s been so cool and of course it was a very successful event… Things were so normal that few days… Hardly saw BBCC… so, it was quite convincing… Neither was sad nor happy… My night time is filled with new juniors… They all are so fun to be with it… I love them all… We.ve been sleeping together, study together, bath together (different bathroom lar)… hehe… And then, world cup kick off on Friday… it was a mess on that day… I was in library till 8am… was studying… one of my junior suddenly calls me up and told me about the kick off… OMG… I rush back with one of my besties, XY to hostel and my clumsy juniors was still sleeping… I woke them up… straight rush to XXX restaurant… hehehe… Was a great kick off man!!! Oh yeah… Forgotten about one of my besties’ bf birthday… it was somewhere around Wednesday… she actually went up stage and sang a love song for her bf… Omg!!! It was damn super sweet… And when she came down from the stage, his bf actually hugged her and kissed her… Oh man!!! Super dupers sweet… wish I could get a gf like that… hehe… Stop dreaming, darkangel…^^
The next day, was ACCAconference… It was damn fun… get to meet new friends from different branch college… Play games together… and the best part was when I was chosen as group leader… I don’t want it though, but somehow have to… I always want to see how I actually am if I was a follower… I know I would screw it up… I am so happy that day…
The next day (Sunday~13th June), orphanage visitation day… Emotionful day… Morning itself, I got so damn pissed with the management team… Actually it was my society… Sorry, Fool… I got no choice… I just got damn pissed with you too… I still couldn’t understand what’s wrong with you… And since you are not even talking to me properly to me after I explain to you that I got pissed… But whatever lar… It seems like you are not that one wrong… I don’t understand this girl… Whatever lar… I’m sorry… It’s my fault… Hope you forgive me… haiz… And then, it was a quite important day on that night itself… It was the night where I have to do a table talk meeting with my three girls… I was so glad after that day… thanks to three of you girls…^^ And Fool, I hope we could be ok back…^^
Things were just so fine… Daytime, college and busy… Night time, busy with juniors… My days filled… Recently, I’m too close with XY… I do not know why… She fills my day… She helps me a lot… At the same time, I wish I could help her get through whatever things that she undergoing… I do not know how express my thanks to her… Millions of thanks wouldn’t be enough to thank her… Everyone says it’s hard to find one true friend… Haha… To everyone in this world!!! I found my true friend, people!!!
And then, BBCC again… I do not know why I have to meet her again… it’s not that I don’t like… it’s me getting extremely down… at where, I have to sing a sad song al over again… I see her as my friend… and that’s all… But why in the world, she has to bring this new guy to hostel everytime?? I know I shouldn’t be sad… But I cannot mar... Something in me has to die… Hey you, if you somehow read my blog again… I wish you could go for your date at different place where I would never see both of you k… Get LOST from my life, you tuuuuuuuuut!!! Get a life… (Sorry… I’m just so damn pissed, angry, sad, very sad… it means for no one… I’m shouting at myself)
Overally, I’m very happy with myself… But it’s another Sunday again… I’m at home writing this… It’s midnight… Everyone should be sleeping… And Sunday night is the night I couldn’t sleep properly… Probably because I’m in trauma again… Trauma of things that’s done… Hahaha… I know I can overcome this… I will do it… Hereby I’m darkangel showing my fullest gratitude towards these few people… the three girls especially XY whose being so nice to me and who understand me so much and who always do make me smile for them and they are the one who could make my heart to be happy… No wonder you girls are my number1… second to my new hostel team who I being lepak with… You guys are second people… Love you guys a lot… My kaur as fun to be with as always… Candy, unpredictable as always and the juniors… You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you all gonna make me say who the hell is BBCC when I have you all!!!!!!!!! Thanks buddies…
The next day, was ACCAconference… It was damn fun… get to meet new friends from different branch college… Play games together… and the best part was when I was chosen as group leader… I don’t want it though, but somehow have to… I always want to see how I actually am if I was a follower… I know I would screw it up… I am so happy that day…
The next day (Sunday~13th June), orphanage visitation day… Emotionful day… Morning itself, I got so damn pissed with the management team… Actually it was my society… Sorry, Fool… I got no choice… I just got damn pissed with you too… I still couldn’t understand what’s wrong with you… And since you are not even talking to me properly to me after I explain to you that I got pissed… But whatever lar… It seems like you are not that one wrong… I don’t understand this girl… Whatever lar… I’m sorry… It’s my fault… Hope you forgive me… haiz… And then, it was a quite important day on that night itself… It was the night where I have to do a table talk meeting with my three girls… I was so glad after that day… thanks to three of you girls…^^ And Fool, I hope we could be ok back…^^
Things were just so fine… Daytime, college and busy… Night time, busy with juniors… My days filled… Recently, I’m too close with XY… I do not know why… She fills my day… She helps me a lot… At the same time, I wish I could help her get through whatever things that she undergoing… I do not know how express my thanks to her… Millions of thanks wouldn’t be enough to thank her… Everyone says it’s hard to find one true friend… Haha… To everyone in this world!!! I found my true friend, people!!!
And then, BBCC again… I do not know why I have to meet her again… it’s not that I don’t like… it’s me getting extremely down… at where, I have to sing a sad song al over again… I see her as my friend… and that’s all… But why in the world, she has to bring this new guy to hostel everytime?? I know I shouldn’t be sad… But I cannot mar... Something in me has to die… Hey you, if you somehow read my blog again… I wish you could go for your date at different place where I would never see both of you k… Get LOST from my life, you tuuuuuuuuut!!! Get a life… (Sorry… I’m just so damn pissed, angry, sad, very sad… it means for no one… I’m shouting at myself)
Overally, I’m very happy with myself… But it’s another Sunday again… I’m at home writing this… It’s midnight… Everyone should be sleeping… And Sunday night is the night I couldn’t sleep properly… Probably because I’m in trauma again… Trauma of things that’s done… Hahaha… I know I can overcome this… I will do it… Hereby I’m darkangel showing my fullest gratitude towards these few people… the three girls especially XY whose being so nice to me and who understand me so much and who always do make me smile for them and they are the one who could make my heart to be happy… No wonder you girls are my number1… second to my new hostel team who I being lepak with… You guys are second people… Love you guys a lot… My kaur as fun to be with as always… Candy, unpredictable as always and the juniors… You guys are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I bet you all gonna make me say who the hell is BBCC when I have you all!!!!!!!!! Thanks buddies…
Monday, June 7, 2010
Q: Darkangel, how do you feel today? A: Happy and touched^^ (3th June)
The second day of interview… hehe… I woke up early in the morning and prepare to go college to interview my juniors as usual… As usual before I go college, I will check whether her car is there not… it was there… It was like a great start… haha… felt like quite boring to go college as well because my three besties went to work… haiz…
After finishing the first session of interview, I went to lecture… It was my only lecture of the day… And somehow it was like the microphone got problem… He can’t teach and class got cancelled… Went to eat with my friends… Hmmmm… Then, went to the second interview session… Had some great time interview the newbies and chatting with my friends as usual… the whole way it was like, I was so relax… No tension… Sometime, I do thought of her and felt happy and sad…^^hahaha… It was like nothing unusual things happened but it was some different feeling in me…
After the interview, I thought my day going to be boring again… on the way, I saw my juniors… We planned to go temple at night… one of juniors was actually want to join college football team… meantime, I and the other junior went to college cyber centre to use internet… I thought of reading one of my besties’s blog… She actually ignored me for the whole day on Tuesday… I can see she got problem and she is suffering with her problems… Hmmmm… I opened her blog and read… I felt so touched… The whole blog, she wrote for me to understand what happened… XY, please stop saying sorry also… I just hope to talk to you on Monday after you are back from work… I do not know why you care for me so much… You do things for me before I ask you to. Eventhough if you got problems, you will never forget my things... OMG!! Thanks!!! Haiz… it’s not enough to write down what you did… But this is from bottom of my heart, thank you a lot for taking care of me like this, XY… I really felt touched… I couldn’t describe how I felt this time either… Thank a lot for that RM3 coins and naruto…
After done surfing nets, we went back mandi then straight went to temple… It started to rain… We went to temple with the help of our umbrella…^^ It was like something new to me... AAaarrrgghh!!! I couldn’t explain those feeling again… hahaha… Highlight of the day was in temple… At temple, I met my kaur… She was there too with her another friend… Hmmm… After done praying, there was some bhajan song played by a group of boys… It was so nice to listen to that… Suddenly, there was an Illaiyaraja song playing in me…. Lol… Just kidding… I saw this girl… she came with her mom… Her mom was a chinese… That even why it makes me look… Hmmmm… not bad… She is pretty… lol… Hahaha… Okok… The whole way we was talking bout this girl… ok… Leave her and continue with our story… I, My kaur, her friend and those juniors around 7ppl all together including us, we went to have our dinner at wangsa…
After our dinner, I actually got to meet my three besties… They all were just got back from their work… Felt bad for not even to talk to them properly… Hahaha... Then, we walk all the way back from wangsa to hostel… The whole way, we had a fun time playing, singing and my kaur was kinda like dancing… lol… Damn fun… When we reach hostel, it was like around 11+pm… All was like looking at us and wonder why we’re in temple so long… hehehe… It was so fun by the way… After change our clothes and put my clothes in washing machine, I and one of junior actually went to meet kaur to get back my laptop… We were talking stories and chatting and making jokes till around 2pm…
I slept at around 3am after done hanging my shirts and after some small emergency… haha… The whole I will tell I was very happy… Sorry because I can’t explain my feeling well in this blog… It was a whole fun day… And as well as touched when think of XY… My hearts going to burst with the overflow thanka to you, XY…^^ Thanks to my juniors, my kaur, her friend (Candy), XY, and those who spend their time with me at the interview room...^^ Thanks all of you… I had a great day…^^
After finishing the first session of interview, I went to lecture… It was my only lecture of the day… And somehow it was like the microphone got problem… He can’t teach and class got cancelled… Went to eat with my friends… Hmmmm… Then, went to the second interview session… Had some great time interview the newbies and chatting with my friends as usual… the whole way it was like, I was so relax… No tension… Sometime, I do thought of her and felt happy and sad…^^hahaha… It was like nothing unusual things happened but it was some different feeling in me…
After the interview, I thought my day going to be boring again… on the way, I saw my juniors… We planned to go temple at night… one of juniors was actually want to join college football team… meantime, I and the other junior went to college cyber centre to use internet… I thought of reading one of my besties’s blog… She actually ignored me for the whole day on Tuesday… I can see she got problem and she is suffering with her problems… Hmmmm… I opened her blog and read… I felt so touched… The whole blog, she wrote for me to understand what happened… XY, please stop saying sorry also… I just hope to talk to you on Monday after you are back from work… I do not know why you care for me so much… You do things for me before I ask you to. Eventhough if you got problems, you will never forget my things... OMG!! Thanks!!! Haiz… it’s not enough to write down what you did… But this is from bottom of my heart, thank you a lot for taking care of me like this, XY… I really felt touched… I couldn’t describe how I felt this time either… Thank a lot for that RM3 coins and naruto…
After done surfing nets, we went back mandi then straight went to temple… It started to rain… We went to temple with the help of our umbrella…^^ It was like something new to me... AAaarrrgghh!!! I couldn’t explain those feeling again… hahaha… Highlight of the day was in temple… At temple, I met my kaur… She was there too with her another friend… Hmmm… After done praying, there was some bhajan song played by a group of boys… It was so nice to listen to that… Suddenly, there was an Illaiyaraja song playing in me…. Lol… Just kidding… I saw this girl… she came with her mom… Her mom was a chinese… That even why it makes me look… Hmmmm… not bad… She is pretty… lol… Hahaha… Okok… The whole way we was talking bout this girl… ok… Leave her and continue with our story… I, My kaur, her friend and those juniors around 7ppl all together including us, we went to have our dinner at wangsa…
After our dinner, I actually got to meet my three besties… They all were just got back from their work… Felt bad for not even to talk to them properly… Hahaha... Then, we walk all the way back from wangsa to hostel… The whole way, we had a fun time playing, singing and my kaur was kinda like dancing… lol… Damn fun… When we reach hostel, it was like around 11+pm… All was like looking at us and wonder why we’re in temple so long… hehehe… It was so fun by the way… After change our clothes and put my clothes in washing machine, I and one of junior actually went to meet kaur to get back my laptop… We were talking stories and chatting and making jokes till around 2pm…
I slept at around 3am after done hanging my shirts and after some small emergency… haha… The whole I will tell I was very happy… Sorry because I can’t explain my feeling well in this blog… It was a whole fun day… And as well as touched when think of XY… My hearts going to burst with the overflow thanka to you, XY…^^ Thanks to my juniors, my kaur, her friend (Candy), XY, and those who spend their time with me at the interview room...^^ Thanks all of you… I had a great day…^^
The remake of first semester!!!(2th June)
Nothing much to talk about. It’s all about my immature thinking and stupid anger but the whole way is just like the remake if my first semester of college life… I must try to endure… I know I can do this…
That, I just broke up with my first gf… And somehow, I get to know some rumours about her that she is with this guy… I got so damn pissed and went to find my friend to talk about it… She is my Kaur… I knew her at NS… So, I went to talk about her about this… It was like she can’t even be properly with one… then, what is the point she find a new one… That time I was just so pissed… Hmmmm… Still remember that is where I get to BBCC as well… Hahaha… the entrance of this monkey in my life…^^ She told me to move on and bla bla bla… (All those advice to those who broke up...lol…)
Wednesday(2th June)… I was on my way back from football… Even before I pass through that place, I got strong feeling that she will be with this guy… The new guy she is hanging out with… I never want to know anything about her… but ‘thanks’ to my friends... they will be actually like… Hey, darkangel… I saw BBCC there with a new guy… I saw them yesterday also… I saw her TBR with this guy… I saw her here and there with this guy… lol… Things that can make me feel sad as well as angry… Ok!! Come back to story… As I expected, she was there… And I was actually acted like an idiot and act like I didn’t even know her… Deep inside I was hoping she will atleast said a hello to me… Hmmmm… Nothing happen… She was just beside me with her friend and those guys… I walk as though don’t even know her at all!!! And this feeling seriously sucks!!! OMG… Can anyone answer why I am so dumb??? I enter the hostel and messaged her… I was hoping she will reply because it has been days since last she messaged properly… She replied this time… and haha… She said I wasn’t looking so she don’t want to disturb… lol… I saw her even before I reach that place… lol… this feeling sucks… But the whole it was my wrong… I was mood out after that… I messaged my kaur… I told her what happened… she asked me to move on and gave the same advice again… bla bla bla and bla… lol… It helps a lot… Thanks, Kaur…^^
On that evening, I actually saw her on her new Punjabi suit… the purple one… She was like promise to show me… I won’t forget the time when she actually wants to sew this shirt… OMG… She asked me for more than hundreds time whether she should sew this way or the other way…=.= haha… I was like want to see her with that dress so much also… hehe… Glad that I got the chance see her with that suit… She is still pretty as usual…^^ Keep it up… lol… She probably go temple with the guy that day or dunno what… Should be some occasion…
It was just the remake of my first semester… the difference now is that when I broke up with my first one, she actually did accompany me those sorrow night and listen to me and encourage me but there’s no one who can take over that place now… At the same time, I told myself… Time to forget the past… Time to move on, darkangel… I knew she is just friend with this guy… But something dies in me… Because I used to be that close with her… haha… but whatever lar… everything that happen got its own reason... I shouldn’t even care if she coupled up with this guy as well… It’s her life… And Darkangel, are you so damn free to think about others?? Mind your own business…^^
That, I just broke up with my first gf… And somehow, I get to know some rumours about her that she is with this guy… I got so damn pissed and went to find my friend to talk about it… She is my Kaur… I knew her at NS… So, I went to talk about her about this… It was like she can’t even be properly with one… then, what is the point she find a new one… That time I was just so pissed… Hmmmm… Still remember that is where I get to BBCC as well… Hahaha… the entrance of this monkey in my life…^^ She told me to move on and bla bla bla… (All those advice to those who broke up...lol…)
Wednesday(2th June)… I was on my way back from football… Even before I pass through that place, I got strong feeling that she will be with this guy… The new guy she is hanging out with… I never want to know anything about her… but ‘thanks’ to my friends... they will be actually like… Hey, darkangel… I saw BBCC there with a new guy… I saw them yesterday also… I saw her TBR with this guy… I saw her here and there with this guy… lol… Things that can make me feel sad as well as angry… Ok!! Come back to story… As I expected, she was there… And I was actually acted like an idiot and act like I didn’t even know her… Deep inside I was hoping she will atleast said a hello to me… Hmmmm… Nothing happen… She was just beside me with her friend and those guys… I walk as though don’t even know her at all!!! And this feeling seriously sucks!!! OMG… Can anyone answer why I am so dumb??? I enter the hostel and messaged her… I was hoping she will reply because it has been days since last she messaged properly… She replied this time… and haha… She said I wasn’t looking so she don’t want to disturb… lol… I saw her even before I reach that place… lol… this feeling sucks… But the whole it was my wrong… I was mood out after that… I messaged my kaur… I told her what happened… she asked me to move on and gave the same advice again… bla bla bla and bla… lol… It helps a lot… Thanks, Kaur…^^
On that evening, I actually saw her on her new Punjabi suit… the purple one… She was like promise to show me… I won’t forget the time when she actually wants to sew this shirt… OMG… She asked me for more than hundreds time whether she should sew this way or the other way…=.= haha… I was like want to see her with that dress so much also… hehe… Glad that I got the chance see her with that suit… She is still pretty as usual…^^ Keep it up… lol… She probably go temple with the guy that day or dunno what… Should be some occasion…
It was just the remake of my first semester… the difference now is that when I broke up with my first one, she actually did accompany me those sorrow night and listen to me and encourage me but there’s no one who can take over that place now… At the same time, I told myself… Time to forget the past… Time to move on, darkangel… I knew she is just friend with this guy… But something dies in me… Because I used to be that close with her… haha… but whatever lar… everything that happen got its own reason... I shouldn’t even care if she coupled up with this guy as well… It’s her life… And Darkangel, are you so damn free to think about others?? Mind your own business…^^
Saturday, May 29, 2010
I'm going to be real fine... Believe me for this time...
Hahaha...
I know this can be funny...
But things just done right...
WE talked on the phone yesterday...
I didn't know you was that cruel...
lol.. just kidding...
But things have to be like that right...
then, just leave it lar...
I know i wont get an answer from you..
maybe you sick of telling it...
And things just wont be fine...
But i let this go ady...
When i say im done, IM DONE...
I know about me...
That's it...
If you could read this...
I know you would be happy too...
Just dont let sadness controls your heart..
I got to fond things to do every night...
i don't know what...
But i've to try...
Hahahaha... This laugh again...
It remembers about me...
I have to learn more...
This is life...
I gotta change... Cuz this is life too...
Before it's too late...
I bring both my hand together
and sincerely
IM sorry, dear BBCC!!!
I'm going to be real fine...
Sometimes, i do realise...
I'm special...
I deserve something special...
I going to be real good...
Real Good!!!!!!!!!!!
I got this feeling...
Goodbye, life...
It's a whole new chapter of life...
A girl gone as a girlfriend and she will be my best friend as ever...^^
She will find this out soon...^^
Thank you, people beside me...
A new chapter with the same Darkangel...
but with a new heart...^^
And as a new person...^^
someone who is smart and handsome always...=P
I know this can be funny...
But things just done right...
WE talked on the phone yesterday...
I didn't know you was that cruel...
lol.. just kidding...
But things have to be like that right...
then, just leave it lar...
I know i wont get an answer from you..
maybe you sick of telling it...
And things just wont be fine...
But i let this go ady...
When i say im done, IM DONE...
I know about me...
That's it...
If you could read this...
I know you would be happy too...
Just dont let sadness controls your heart..
I got to fond things to do every night...
i don't know what...
But i've to try...
Hahahaha... This laugh again...
It remembers about me...
I have to learn more...
This is life...
I gotta change... Cuz this is life too...
Before it's too late...
I bring both my hand together
and sincerely
IM sorry, dear BBCC!!!
I'm going to be real fine...
Sometimes, i do realise...
I'm special...
I deserve something special...
I going to be real good...
Real Good!!!!!!!!!!!
I got this feeling...
Goodbye, life...
It's a whole new chapter of life...
A girl gone as a girlfriend and she will be my best friend as ever...^^
She will find this out soon...^^
Thank you, people beside me...
A new chapter with the same Darkangel...
but with a new heart...^^
And as a new person...^^
someone who is smart and handsome always...=P
Friday, May 28, 2010
It’s about you again, my past life…My love is mature love, What about yours??
I don’t know why… It’s been very new for me… I’m like an idiot all around hostel… My college life is so busy… After I’m back to hostel… I feel so empty… just so empty… like I lost my soul… I’m finding my soul back… Hmmm… Very hard to tell how I’m feeling… just so hard… I’m following the bunch of juniors… advising them, play with them and spend my night with them… But it’s not perfect yet rite?? Hey, I need you badly… Seriously, I need you be beside me all the time… As how we was… Hmmmm… Haiz… Wish I could turn all my time back… I’m sorry…
~ (hahaha… Why I have to write like this?? I do need her… But should I stop it?? Hahaha… how lar??? I can’t ignore my feeling)
I loved two girls before… I went all the way for them… I’m not doing this for fun… Why things are just like this?? Was me the wrong one huh??? I need an answer!!! Please… Can you tell me…? Especially you, BBCC… I don’t understand how you girls can do this… You will just love a guy… after that, you guys come and tell the guys that you all lost feeling?? How you all can just tell asthough nothing happen… And BBCC, you ignored the feeling… Because of this, I’m suffering almost every moment… Huh??? Can you explain everything for me??? I still can’t even lose whatever feeling that you gave me… what’s happening to this world?? If you said you lost your lovely bear or toy, it’s acceptable… If you said you lost a feeling, are you girls kidding?? How?? Tell me how!!! Can you all explain??? The answer is just like that... I lost my feelings lar… I want to study… Haiz… BBCC, I dun believe when you tell this to me… you told me people changes… hahaha… You deserve my slap!!!
Hmmmm… I went to temple, I can’t find my peace even at there… I kept thinking about you… Instead of praying for myself, I prayed atleast you own that peace… When I was on the way back from temple… I have to see things that I’m not supposed to see... Haiz… I do not know, why god has to test me like this?? I’m still under insomnia… Have to cry everyday and think of everything about us… Monday, I was telling my friend about my problem… I know you because of this friend… She told me to move on and everything… She understands me somehow… We was walking around the college hostel, you was jumping and playing around with your friends… Something in me dies… How come you can be so happy?? Maybe you were just like what my friend told… You already moved on… It’s just me still staying behind and hasn’t moved on… And that night, you messaged me… Hahaha… I do not know why… You were so good that night… You cared about my feelings… I feel like I can’t trust you no more… It’s just like you scared I would tell wrong things about you to her… haiz… Hey, BBCC… I don’t like you anymore… Why you have to be like this…?
I trusted you more than anyone else… I know you were clear about this too… I just feel so much regretted now… My roomie told me not to commit in relationship but I wasn’t listening… Because of a reason called I love you, I committed in this… It’s ok… When I thought of I’m still fighting with my brother just because of you, seriously, I felt ashamed!!! Haiz… But still I will be on your side and defend you because it’s my promise… Hey… I do understand one thing... It’s I loved you… And you were also but for 4days… lolx… I can’t stop laughing… It’s not love… It was a game time for you… You told me you were sincere for that four day… Hahaha… Good, BBCC… I like your sincerity there… And please don’t talk about the reason why we broke up ok?? It’s totally about you and immature love… But please don’t do this again in your life… It hurts a lot… Hurts damn a lot…
Maybe I deserve this… I take this as a punishment and a lesson to be learnt with a lot a lot of sweet memories… She is a bitter gourd coated with sugar… Feels nice and sweet initially… At last, it’s bitter… Perhaps I committed too much… All the punishment worth all my efforts, time and everything I gave her… I deserve this… I’m taking this very sadly… very very sadly… But after all I still have a question for myself…
“Why am I still loving her?!!!”(is it because i seriously don't know how to hide or ignore feelings...=(
~ (hahaha… Why I have to write like this?? I do need her… But should I stop it?? Hahaha… how lar??? I can’t ignore my feeling)
I loved two girls before… I went all the way for them… I’m not doing this for fun… Why things are just like this?? Was me the wrong one huh??? I need an answer!!! Please… Can you tell me…? Especially you, BBCC… I don’t understand how you girls can do this… You will just love a guy… after that, you guys come and tell the guys that you all lost feeling?? How you all can just tell asthough nothing happen… And BBCC, you ignored the feeling… Because of this, I’m suffering almost every moment… Huh??? Can you explain everything for me??? I still can’t even lose whatever feeling that you gave me… what’s happening to this world?? If you said you lost your lovely bear or toy, it’s acceptable… If you said you lost a feeling, are you girls kidding?? How?? Tell me how!!! Can you all explain??? The answer is just like that... I lost my feelings lar… I want to study… Haiz… BBCC, I dun believe when you tell this to me… you told me people changes… hahaha… You deserve my slap!!!
Hmmmm… I went to temple, I can’t find my peace even at there… I kept thinking about you… Instead of praying for myself, I prayed atleast you own that peace… When I was on the way back from temple… I have to see things that I’m not supposed to see... Haiz… I do not know, why god has to test me like this?? I’m still under insomnia… Have to cry everyday and think of everything about us… Monday, I was telling my friend about my problem… I know you because of this friend… She told me to move on and everything… She understands me somehow… We was walking around the college hostel, you was jumping and playing around with your friends… Something in me dies… How come you can be so happy?? Maybe you were just like what my friend told… You already moved on… It’s just me still staying behind and hasn’t moved on… And that night, you messaged me… Hahaha… I do not know why… You were so good that night… You cared about my feelings… I feel like I can’t trust you no more… It’s just like you scared I would tell wrong things about you to her… haiz… Hey, BBCC… I don’t like you anymore… Why you have to be like this…?
I trusted you more than anyone else… I know you were clear about this too… I just feel so much regretted now… My roomie told me not to commit in relationship but I wasn’t listening… Because of a reason called I love you, I committed in this… It’s ok… When I thought of I’m still fighting with my brother just because of you, seriously, I felt ashamed!!! Haiz… But still I will be on your side and defend you because it’s my promise… Hey… I do understand one thing... It’s I loved you… And you were also but for 4days… lolx… I can’t stop laughing… It’s not love… It was a game time for you… You told me you were sincere for that four day… Hahaha… Good, BBCC… I like your sincerity there… And please don’t talk about the reason why we broke up ok?? It’s totally about you and immature love… But please don’t do this again in your life… It hurts a lot… Hurts damn a lot…
Maybe I deserve this… I take this as a punishment and a lesson to be learnt with a lot a lot of sweet memories… She is a bitter gourd coated with sugar… Feels nice and sweet initially… At last, it’s bitter… Perhaps I committed too much… All the punishment worth all my efforts, time and everything I gave her… I deserve this… I’m taking this very sadly… very very sadly… But after all I still have a question for myself…
“Why am I still loving her?!!!”(is it because i seriously don't know how to hide or ignore feelings...=(
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